Unfortunately Fortunate [Stucky x Reader]

Chapter 11

Steve is halfway the book when JARVIS interrupts with the mention that supper is ready.
"Have we stayed in here and forgot about lunch?" you ask surprised.
"Yeah, we did. So let's go eat something." Bucky jumps up and takes your hand to help you out of the king sized bed.

The walk to the dining room is silent, but comfortable. Peaceful even since you are still in the relaxed state you got into when Steve was reading.
"The stairs." Bucky says and you walk up them with his help. You hear Steve following behind you.
In the dining room Bucky sits you down before going to sit down himself. This time he is on my left and Steve sits down on my right, you're pretty sure about that.

"I made you your plate, vegetables on the left, potatoes on the right." Steve says, confirming that he indeed sits next to you.
"Thank you."

Supper is relatively calm, not many people talk which is odd.
"Ahrm, I am sorry about how I reacted since we got back from the mission and I am especially sorry for what has been said and implied. I didn't mean it. I am truly genuinely sorry,"
You look at the way the sound came from. "You have to do better than that Stark. I do agree to forgive you, but it has to be more than this. You hurt me deeply. Right in the core of my being."
"I kind of figured that. And I will do my best to gain your forgiveness and trust again." You nod, suddenly not feeling like eating anymore.

You stand up "JARVIS, my room please."

Hearing some protest, you decide to ignore them and walk the instructions JARVIS gives you. When you are out of sight you hear them go off against Tony. You almost feel sorry for him, almost.
JARVIS led you to your room, you are now sitting down, Hope laying next to you as you pet her head absentmindedly.
A knock on your door. You call out a yes before waiting for the person to introduce themselves.
"Are you okay?" Natasha asks.
You shake your head as you hear the door close.
"Anyone else in the room?"
"No, just me."

Your bed dips down a bit as Natasha sits down.
"What is wrong?"
You close your eyes. Of course she sees everything.
"Nothing"
"Don't you nothing me. I know something is off. And it isn't fully about Tony either."
"Observant." You say as you close your eyes again and start petting Hope again.

Silence

Until you can't take it anymore.
"I think I am slowly falling for them. I involuntarily thought they were my guys. I feel like a weird person and I feel like I will lose this friendship I have with them because I love them. I've seen things, they shared things. I don't know them that long, but I do know how much this liking is starting to become more and I can't take it anymore. I don't want to be standing in between their relationship. I don't want to break them up because I stupidly think I'm in love them."
"Did you ever take into account that they might reciprocate your feelings?"
"They have each other, they love each other dearly. And Steve wants to talk about this tomorrow and I just can't. I can't. I can't lose them, and I most definitely don't want to break them up."
"I'll talk to Steve to let it rest. That this is distressing you and that he should wait until you are ready."
"No! He might realise things!"
No answer. "Go rest, Y/N. Tomorrow is a new day. I promise their won't be any stress.

You lay down and wait until you hear the door close again. You sit back up and look at the ceiling, even though it stays the same blackness it is when you just look whatever way there is.

After a while a soft knock before the door opens.
"We wanted to know if you were up for more, or that you wanted to wait. I don't mind whatever choice you make." Bucky, Steve probably stands next to him.
"Sure, your room? My room?"
"Our bed is bigger." Steve says, his voice sounds further away, so you assume he is in their room.

"Okay. Now or...?"
"Whenever you want."
"Now would be perfect. I might be able to unravel more than yesterday."

And that is how you end up on Steve and Bucky's bed, sitting next to Bucky who groans at times when a more difficult trigger is deactivated. You keep going, wanting to feel something else than the confusion and heaviness of the situation.
It's Steve's hand on your shoulder that makes you stop. Makes you realise you current condition.
Your body is burning, hurting all over. You're breathing is heavy and some tears have left your eyes, leaving a salty trail on your cheeks.

You stop and slowly remove your hands from Bucky's temple. You nearly don't have enough energy to lay down. And this faint feeling, this light-headedness doesn't seem to leave you either.
"Buck, how are you doing?"
"Tired but okay." He does sound exhausted as if he is close to being asleep already.
"Go to sleep, Buck. You'll feel better in the morning."

You feel how Bucky falls asleep. His weight heavier on the bed, and the soft snores betray him too.
Aside from that you also know that Steve is still awake and probably is staring at you.

"You went over your limit. Why?"
"Does there need to be a reason?"
"No, but this wasn't good. You wouldn't have stopped if I didn't touch your shoulder, if I didn't bring you back."
"I have things on my mind. I'm sorry," you yawn, "I'm sorry that I scared you, Steve. I really am."
"This isn't about you scaring me. You don't know how you look."
You suddenly feel a hand brush away your tears. It startles you, but at the same time you freeze. Whole body tense.

"I'm going to bed. I don't want Hope to sleep alone." You say rigidly as you stand up. Feet unstable, nauseated, feeling light-headed and already out of breath.
"I'm sorry, please stay." Steve sounds regretful.
You managed to get to the door, opening it silently as to not wake Bucky.

You close it behind you and stumble to your door, nearly falling to the floor.
You're knees buckle and with a thud you land on the floor. A ringing in your ears. Hope's barking is the last thing you register as you flood into unconsciousness.