What if

Early June (part 1)

(Derek POV)

Waking up in the morning without Mer was never a good morning. In DC all those years ago, I was never able to sleep well without her.

Even more years ago, her snoring used to bother me. But now? I can't sleep without it. It's pathetic. I can't sleep without her snores, without her tiny body curled into mine, without the smell of her hair.

I got up to the the small pitter patter of feet and grunted as i got out of bed.

"Daddy!" All three kids cheered as I entered the living room, where my mom was sitting on the couch with them.

"Good morning." I said with a smile, kissing them all on the head. "Look what we made!" Zola exclaimed.

I chuckled as I saw the big puzzle on the table. "That's cool guys!" I said enthusiastically as I sat down next to my mom.

"Anything on Meredith?" She asked. "Not yet. I'm expecting a call soon to update me on her sats. Bailey isn't letting me back there." I replied with a small laugh.

"She'll be okay Derek. Did you sleep any last night?" Mom asked. "I can't sleep without her." I admitted sheepishly. "Oh, honey. I was like that with your father. Once she's home everything will be okay." Mom said soothingly.

"Did you tell the kids what happened?" Mom questioned. "I did. But I think Zola is the only one who really understands though."

"I-" mom started as my phone began to ring. "One sec." I said as I stood up and walked to the kitchen, answering the phone.

"Bailey?" I asked. "Hey, Shepherd. How you doing?" She asked. "Okay. How is she?" I asked, nervously getting straight to the point.

"O2 levels are up and shes stable. This is what we needed. We're keeping her minimally sedated, so she probably won't wake up, but she may be able to hear us." Bailey explained.

I breathed out a sigh of relief. "Can I talk to her?" I asked. "Shep-"

"Please Bailey." I begged. "Okay. Ill hold the phone up to her ear."

I heard some rustling noises and then began to talk. "Hey Mer. I'm at home now with the kids. We all miss you so much around here. I hope your having a good nap. I don't like waking up without you and your snoring." I tease.

"Anyways, I just wanted to talk to you. I love you so much Mer, and so do you kids. I'll talk to you soon, I promise."

"You done?" Bailey asked softly. "I am." I replied with a sigh. "She's doing okay, Shepherd. And if I know Meredith grey I know she won't lose to a virus. Now, go cuddle you kids. I would do anything to do that." Bailey said.

"Okay. Thank you Bailey." I said. "Anytime Shepherd. I'll keep an eye on your wife." She said, hanging up the phone.

(Carolyn POV)

"How is she?" I asked as my son walked back into the living room. "Good. Her o2 levels are back up and shes stable." Derek replied.

"That's good." I said softly, rubbing his back. I could tell how stressed and how anxious he was just by looking at him. It made me want to take him into my arms and rock him back and forth just as I did when he was 5.

"Daddy, can we see mama?" Bailey asked. Derek sighed. "Not now, bails. Mamas sleeping." He replied. "Wanna see mama." Bailey said with a frown.

"How about we look at Bailey pictures of the three of you? Hmm?" I cut in. The kids jumped up and ran over to the couch.

Derek smiled at me and took out a few photo albums from under the coffee table. "Mer likes to make these since her mom or dad never did." He said as an explanation.

"Zo, this is when me and mama met you for the first time." Derek said, pointing to an adorable picture of the two of them and baby Zola. Zola giggled.

"And this is when you spit up all over mama." He said with a big smile. "I spit up on her?" Zola asked. "You did. We thought it was funny."

"What about me?" Bailey asked eagerly. "Let's see Bails." Derek said, flipping the page a few times. "Here's when you were about 4 hours old." He said, pointing to a picture of Meredith in bed with Bailey on her chest, Derek right next to them.

"Why mama got bandages?" He asked in confusion. Derek smiled sadly. "Mama had to have her tummy cut open so we could see you." He said. "Is that how all babies are born? Cause I don't want a baby then." Zola said with a disgusted face. 

Derek laughed. "No. You don't always have to get cut open. But Bailey was facing the wrong way in mamas tummy." He said. "Oh."

"Me?" Ellis asked. Derek flipped a few pages and saw  a picture of just Derek and baby Ellis. "Where's mama?" Ellis asked. "Mama wasn't awake yet." Derek said carefully.

"Did she have her tummy cut open again?" Zola asked. "She did. Oh! Here's one with mama." Derek replied.

"Why does mama have that mask on?" Bailey asked curiously. "Mama was just waking up from surgery. She was...bleeding a lot when she had Ellie. So she just had that on for safety." Derek explained.

The kids nodded, and seemed to lose interest in the pictures after a few more minutes.

(Bailey POV)

At the hospital, it was actually pretty quiet today for the first time in months. I sat in Merediths room, just doing some charting.

She was doing good. Her sats were up, and she was fully stable. I looked at her and I frowned when I saw her twitching.

"Grey?" I asked as I stood up. She shouldn't be awake. Meredith slowly opened her eyes and looked around, looking terrified. She groaned and Met eyes with me.

"Hey, it's okay. We're gonna get you back to sleep."  I said, paging a nurse. Richard came in a few minutes later, just to check in and wasn't happy to see her awake.

"Why is she up?" He asked. "We must not have sedated her Enough." I replied. Meredith moved in the bed. "Easy Grey. Relax." I said softly.

A nurse came in and quickly administered some more sedation and Richard and I watched Merediths eyes close. "Poor girl." I muttered, sitting back down.

Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you have any ideas for future chapters feel free to drop them. I hope your all doing well!