What if

Early june (part 3)

(Derek POV)

"Derek, what's the next step?" Richard asked. "Her liver enzymes are still failing, even after we evacuated the clot."

"What else can we do? There has to be something." I asked desperately. Meredith wasn't doing well at all. She had a procedure done this morning, which was supposed to help, but it's not.

"I think...I think we need to discuss options." Bailey said softly. "Options? Like how to kill her?" I snapped.

"How to let her go." Teddy corrected. "Meredith didn't want to be on the vent in the first place. You have her POA, so it's your choice, but I don't think she'd want to live like this."

"She wouldn't." I agreed quietly, looking at Meredith.

"Well, we can take her off the vent. Make her comfortable. We can turn down the vent and see if she responds. We have choices here." Bailey said.

"Take her off. I don't want her in pain." I whispered, tears coming to my eyes. "Well let you two have a minute." Richard said, his own voice getting shaky.

They all left and I grabbed Merediths hand.

"Hey Mer. It's Derek. I know you fought your hardest. I know you don't want to live your life on a vent. It's okay. You can go. I'll take care of the kids. You can stop fighting now and rest. I'm going to miss you more than anything Mer." I said.

As the words came out of my mouth, the tears fell and the memories flew through my brain.

"I'm just a girl in a bar." "I'm just a guy in a bar."

"You...you were like coming up for fresh air. Like I was drowning and you saved me."

"I've been in love with you...forever."

"I don't want 48 uninterrupted hours. I want a lifetime."

"What do we want to promise each other?" "To love me...even when you hate me."

"We're having another baby."

"You go, Mer. We'll be fine. I love you, always remember that." I whispered.

I looked to everyone watching and gave a small bead nod. "Can I talk to her for a moment?" Bailey asked. I nodded and we left the room once again.

(Bailey POV)

"Hey Grey. It's Bailey. Before you go, I just....I wanted to say that I'm proud of you. You've fought for everything you've had In life. You have become a great surgeon. Not better than me, but great. You made a beautiful family. I'll look out for them. You are extroidinary Meredith Grey, don't forget that." I said.

The others came on in and it was time.

(Derek POV)

"I'm going to take the tube out now. She may keep breathing for a while, it's going to take some time." Bailey said softly.

I nodded, unable to comprehend what was happening. The love of my life was going to die. She was going to be dead In a few minutes, hours.

Bailey took the tube out and we waited. Meredith took a breath, then another, and then another. "It's going to take some time. It's probably just residual effects." Teddy said.

"But she's breathing on her own. That's- that's good, right?" I asked nervously.

The rational part of my neurosurgeon brain knew this was just an after lasting affect. "Derek, I wouldn't get your hopes up. We've seen this a lot of covid patients before they...go." Bailey said.

I nodded. Meredith is dying. She's dying. The woman i made a family with, the woman who carried my children, the woman who I'd do anything and everything for.

Now I know how my mom felt. When my dad died. She was crushed, I remember it. She had to take care of 5 kids all on her own. Now I'm going to have to take care of 3 kids. Alone. Oh god, the kids. What am I going to tell them?

How do you tell little kids that their mom is dead? I can't do this without Meredith. I can't. She's my rock, she keeps me grounded.

I snapped out of my thoughts and saw everyone sitting down in the room.

(Richard POV)

I promised Ellis a long time ago that I'd look out for Meredith. Keep her safe. But this, I couldn't protect her from.

A part of me wants to keep Meredith on the ventilator. But I know it's most likely a waste of a vent. And I also know that Meredith wouldn't want that.

But right now, she's breathing on her own. Has been for a little while now. I don't want to get dereks hopes up, but she should be....dead by now.

"Richard, it's been almost 40 minutes now." Teddy whispered. "I know." I replied. "Do we get her for another CT? Maybe the procedure worked."

"Not yet. Meredith won't let herself go until she's forced to. If she's still breathing on her own in an hour, then we can do scans." I said.

(Derek POV)

"She's-shes still breathing." I said as I watched her chest rise and fall. Meredith suddenly moaned. Richard, Teddy, Bailey and I were at her side in a flash.

"Meredith? Can you hear us?" Bailey asked, listening to her chest. Meredith groaned again and breathed in deeply. "Mer, if you can hear us, squeeze my hand. It's me, Derek." I said.

I grabbed hold of Merediths hand and she squeezed lightly. Meredith slowly opened her eyes, breathing heavily. "I'm not ready to go yet." She whispered, looking into my eyes.

"Oh, Mer." I said, tears coming to my eyes. I started sobbing uncontrollably. Meredith put her hand on the back on my head and guided my head to her chest.

"I thought you were going to die." I whispered, sniffling into her chest. "I'm not going to leave you. Ever." Meredith whispered. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." She replied.

Hey guys! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I hope your all doing well. If you guys have any ideas for future chapters, feel free to drop them. Thanks for reading!