What if

Late april (part 4)

(Derek POV) may be a short chapter

It's been a week since Mer has been placed on the vent, and it breaks my heart every time I look at her. The only good thing I have to look forward to is that I get to go home and see the kids tonight. I just don't know how I'm going to answer their questions about their mom.

I sat down in Merediths room and held her hand. She looked so small, so vulnerable in the bed with the tube down her throat. I want to take her away drom all this pain.

As I was stuck in my thoughts, a loud, but soft voice pulled me out. "She's gonna get better, derek." Bailey said as she came into the room. "I know. She just looks so...broken. And it kills me that I can't help her." I said sadly. "I know the feeling. Aren't you supposed to be home with your kids tonight?" She asked. I nodded. "Well go now. She's in good hands. I'll let everyone know." Bailey said sternly. "What am I gonna tell them when they ask about their mom? That she can't breathe on her own and she may very well die?" I spat out angrily. Baileys eyes softened. "I'm sorry. I just- I need her." I said as my eyes began to water. Bailey put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed. "We all do somehow. Everyone needs her, and everyone relies on her. She'll be okay. Now please Derek, go home." Bailey urged. I nodded and let go of Merediths hand and stood up.

I leant over and kissed her forehead through my protective shield. "I love you. Don't do anything stupid." I said with a small laugh. Bailey smiled and I walked out the door. I went to my office and quickly changed out of my covid suit and put on some sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I was very excited to see the kids. I put my normal mask on and walked out the door and left the hospital.

15 minutes later, I arrived home and opened the door to a bunch of squeals. "Daddy!" Zola, Bailey and Ellis simontanuesly yelled. "Hi guys!" I said as I embraced all three of them in a big bear. "Hey Derek." Amelia said as she came over, my newest nephew in her arms. "Hi." I said as I stood up, watching the kids run off and play with some random toys.

"How are you?" I asked as I carefully took scout from amelias arms. The warm tiny body nuzzled into my chest, and it almost made me sad, knowing that Meredith and I were going to try for a fourth before this whole covid thing started. "Good. How are you? How's Mer?" She asked. I swallowed thickly. "I'm good. Mer is...still intubated." I sighed. Amelia stood next to me and put her arm around my waist, giving me a side hug. "She'll be okay derek. She's strong." Amelia said. I nodded, holding back tears.

"Daddy!" Bailey yelled as he and his siblings ran into the room. "Where's mommy?" He asked. I inhaled sharply. "Mommy is a little sick so she's staying at the hospital for a while." I explained. Bailey frowned. "But I want mommy." He complained. "I know Bails. Mommy has to get better before she has to go home." I said. He stomped off in anger and went into his playroom, Ellis following. "Dad?" Zola asked. "Yeah Zo?" I replied. "Does mom have covid?" She asked. I sighed. Zola is my oldest, she's almost 12 now and she knows about what covid is and what it can do. "She does Zo." I replied. "Is she gonna be okay? And don't lie please." Zola said. "Well, mom is having a hard time breathing, but once she can breathe easier she'll be just fine." I said, knowing it could be a lie. She may not be fine. Zola came over and hugged my waist. I leaned over and picked her up.

"Do you have a picture of her? I miss her." Zola asked. "I do. Do you want to see?" I asked. Zola nodded. I put Zola down and pulled out my phone out of my back pocket. "Zo, you know how I said mommy was having a hard time breathing?" I asked. "Yeah." She replied. "Well, mommy has a tube down her throat that's helping her, so I just want to let you know." I explained. "So she's imtubated?" She asked. "Intubated." I corrected with a chuckle. I showed her the picture and Zola smiled. "Is she awake?" Zola asked. "No. But that's good. It means her body is trying to heal." I said. Zola nodded and handed me back my phone and ran off to play.

"I just got scout down." Amelia said as she came into the kitchen again. I nodded. "Derek. She'll be okay."she said in a soft voice. "I don't know, Amy. She's survived a lot, but I've seen this disease kill hundreds of patients firsthand. She's strong, but how strong could someone be?" I asked. "Derek. Look at me." She said. I looked her in the eyes. "Meredith grey is a strong woman. She won't go down without a fight. She's survived a bombing, a drowning, a shooting, a plane crash, and crash c section in the dark, a placental abruption. I could go on for more Derek, but do you really need me to explain how strong and badass your wife is?" She said. I shook my head. "That's what I thought. Now, go get your kids ready for bed and we can watch a movie." She said. I nodded and went to get the kids, wondering when she got so wise.

"Hey guys. Can you go get ready for bed? Auntie Amelia said she'll watch a movie with us." I asked. They all nodded and scattered to their bedrooms. I followed Ellis into her room, knowing she'd need help. She's still only 5. I put her in some pink pajamas and we walked into the living room and saw everyone waiting for us. "Finally." Amelia muttered. I smiled and sat down. The kids all snuggled up to me, Ellis in my lap, and Bailey and Zola under my arms on my sides. Amelia stood up and took out her phone. "Smile!" She said. The kids and I all smiled and she took the picture.

She sat back down and we started the movie. All was perfect at this moment. The only thing I- we need, is Meredith.

Throughout the movie, my phone started ringing. I quickly answered the phone in hopes to not wake a sleeping Ellis in my arms. "Hello?" I answered. "Derek. It's Bailey." She said frantically. "What's going on?" I asked worriedly. "Meredith coded." She said. At this time, my heart stopped.

Merry Christmas everyone!! I hope you all had a fantastic day! Here's a quick update as a gift from me 😉