What if

Mid June (part 2)

(Meredith POV)

I was exhausted. It had only been 4 days since I came back to work, and I was so tired. The job was a lot more demanding than I thought it would be.

These residents needed help with literally everything. I had no time to myself. Someone's crying? That's my job to help. Doesnt know how to do something? That's me too.

I was on call for the last two days, which meant I hadn't been able to go home and see my babies. Hell, I hadn't even seen Derek for more than 10 minutes in the last two days.

I surprisingly found myself with free time during my shift and I plopped myself down on a Gurney in the hallway. I hadn't slept in two days, other than a few 20 minute naps.

So, I let myself close my eyes.

(Derek POV)

I dropped the kids off at daycare before going to the surgery board to see what I had today.

"Shepherd!" Baileys voice rang out as she walked over. "Good morning." I said, smiling. "Where is your wife? I have residents coming to me saying they can't find her." She said annoyed.

"Can't find her?" I asked in concern. "She's on call. But they can't find Her." Bailey replied. "I don't know. I haven't really been able to talk to her for a few days. She's really busy." I said.

"Well help me look." She snapped.

Bailey and I began walking around the hospital. We went by the residency program room, and I saw her on the gurney. "She's over here." I announced.

We walked over and that's when I saw just how tired she really was. "How did they not find her? She's right here." Bailey said, rolling her eyes.

Bailey seemed to be studying Meredith, and I was too. She had dark bags under her eyes, and she just looked utterly exhausted. "When's the last time she's been home?" Bailey asked.

I breathed with a aggravated chuckle. "2 days, almost 3. Residents are stupid." I replied. "Take her home. Or to an on call room. I'll talk to Richard about maybe helping out a little." Bailey said.

"Thank you. She's still recovering, you know." I pointed out. "I know Shepherd. Take her home please." Bailey said as she walked away.

I shook Merediths shoulder slightly and bent down so I was eye level with her. "Hey. Mer. Wake up." I whispered. She shifted and mumbled something incoherent.

"I'm going to take you home." I said. Meredith opened her eyes and looked at me groggily. "Wanna go sleep." She mumbled. "I know. Let's go home." I said, urging her out of bed and holding her close.

I texted Alex and asked if he could bring the kids home, and he said yes, and told Bailey I was leaving on the way out.

We got into the car and Meredith rested her head against the window, fighting to keep her eyes open. "Close your eyes, Mer." I said softly. "So tired." She whispered sleepily. "I know you are."

I got home and went to merediths side. She was out cold. I opened her door quietly and lifted her into my arms. She probably only weighed 100 pounds soaking wet.

She nuzzled into my chest as I carried her into the house and to our bedroom. "Sleepy." I heard her mumble. "Here you go." I said as I placed her into our bed.

"You too." She whispered. "Me too?" I asked. "You...sleep."

"Okay." I replied, getting into bed next to her. It was 10 in the morning, and we were getting back into bed. "Don't like this job." She said into my chest. "I know. Sleep. We can talk more later." I whispered, holding her close.

I felt Merediths body relax against mine and I held her close.

(Meredith pov)

Hours later, I woke up feeling more refreshed and relaxed than I had in days. Derek vacated the bed at some point, and I went downstairs.

Derek was doing some work on the couch and I sat down next to him. "Hey sleepy head. Feeling better?" He asked with a grin.

"Yes, much better. I don't think I've slept in days." I admitted. "I know you haven't." Derek sighed. "Why is it so quiet?" I asked.

"Because Alex has the-"

"The kids! Where are the kids?" I asked frantically. I had forgetton about my old children. What kind of a mother does that? "Alex is taking them home from daycare later so I could take you home." Derek said calmly.

"I forgot about my own kids. I'm a horrible mother." I said, putting my head in my hands. Despite getting a few hours of sleep, I still feel tired.

"No you're not, Mer." Derek said, wrapping his arms around me. "Yes I am. I'm Ellis." I said dejectedly. "Hey. You are not Ellis. The kids and I are so lucky to have you. You're the best mother any kid could have. You've been getting back into the rotation with a new position working your ass off. It's okay." Derek soothed.

I leaned into him and started crying. "I'm so tired. I want to cut." I cried into his chest. "I know. I know." He said soothingly. "I want to cut. I want to go back to how I was before."

"I know. You're okay, Mer." Derek whispered. "I hate this stupid job. I hate it!" I said loudly. "I'll talk to Bailey. Maybe you can do a light surgery or sometning. Like an appy. Those don't take too long." He suggested.

I said nothing. I felt useless. Covid completely changed me. I get fatigued so much quicker than I used to. Believe it or not, I don't have much of an appetite usually, partially because I can't taste as good as I used to.

"I want to go back fo who I was." I whispered. "You're still you. You're still my beautiful, funny, kind wife. Just with some trouble breathing and fatigue. You are still you." Derek said.

"I love you." I said shakily, taking a deep breath. In. "I love you too, Mer." He replied.

Hey guys! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and hope your all doing well. If you guys have any ideas for future chapters feel free to drop them! Thanks for reading.