Flying Bisons [2] Bolin

Chapter 45

I sit on the floor in my room with my back leaning against my bed. My blank stare hasn't moved from the wall ahead of me since I got here. I don't understand why Mako would even say that I didn't love Bolin, and I don't understand why Bolin didn't stand up for me. Maybe I've been talking about Bamir too much. Since he's stopped talking to me I've brought him up every time I've passed him when walking around the grounds, or whenever conversation led to Hani. I didn't realise it was a big deal, I just miss him as a friend and I thought they all knew that. But maybe I've been mentioning him too much.

My sobs have died down, but small tears continue to fall down my cheeks as I think about everything. I don't like thinking about the things I am now, but it's come to the point where I have to ask myself what makes a good Fire Lord. I don't even want to be Fire Lord, yet here I am, sitting on the floor, worrying that if I stay with Bolin I'd choose him over my Nation.

I hear a faint knock on my door but I don't move. I stay still, staring at the wall ahead of me.

"Ulazu, we found evidence in Bamir's house." I hear Korra say through the door. My heart drops slightly but I stay quiet.

"But we think you are right. We think that he is being setup." I hear Bolin say. The sound of his voice makes more tears fall.

"Can we come in?" Asami asks. I don't reply even though I know I should. If they believe me now then we need to start planning to find the real traitor however, it doesn't seem like the biggest issue to me at the moment. Figuring out whether Bolin is good for me or not is the only thing I can think about.

"Ulazu, I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I-I was just being protective of Bolin. I mean, we've all seen Bamir, he's like, really hot and-" Mako starts but gets cut off.

"Mako, you're not helping." I hear Korra hiss quietly. There's another moment of silence, but it is soon broken when I hear the door open. I immediately stand up and run into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I don't think I can face them yet. I'm too emotional to think rationally, or maybe I'm emotional enough to finally see things clearly?

"Ulazu-" I hear Asami call after me, but once again I remain silent. I lean against the door and let my body slide to the ground.

"Give me a minute." I hear Bolin say quietly to the others. I chew on my lip as I hear the bedroom door close and there's a moment of silence before I hear someone lean against the other side of the door.

"Ula, it's just me. The others have gone. Please can you open the door?" Bo asks.

"No." My voice comes out hoarse from the crying.

"I'm really sorry that I didn't say anything. I know that you don't like Bamir like that, I know that he's a friend. I-" he sighs. "I don't know why I didn't say anything but I should have." There's a silence and I sniff as more tears fall down my face.

"Have I done something to stop everyone from trusting me?" I ask, my voice trembling over each word.

"What? No, everyone trusts you. It was just, Aiwei is a truth seer, we just believed that what he said was the truth." Bolin says quickly and I sniff again and shake my head against the door.

"No one trusts that I love you." I say. There's a pause and I hear Bo's head lean against the other side of the door. "I dropped what I believed in for you. I stopped following what I felt was right for you. What kind of leader would do that?" I ask and I start to cry more than before.

"Ula, please open the door." Bolin begs and I hear the slight wavering in his voice. I close my eyes as the warm tears fall down my pale cheeks. I don't want to hear this kind of desperation in his voice, it makes me want to obey him instinctively, but I can't keep doing that. I have to stand up for myself, I have to stop being weak.