Everything is not perfect ◗ norenmin✓

34

author POV

"um so I don't even know where to start I am so bad at ranting but the thing is that my parents are very busy people I am kinda non existent in the family, it's annoying sometimes I was always desperate for attention from them because I never had any I kinda raised myself on my own I mean there were maids and babysitters and shit, I wanted my parents to raise me" jeno said and took a deep breath

"one day I was like seven I guess junwoo and his family moved near to our house, since they were new I went to give some cookies we I mean I always did that when new neighbours came, then rang on their doorbell and was greeted by junwoo"

"I handed him the cookies and asked where his parents were he told me they were at work and added sadly they are at work most of the times I nodded and said that happens to me too and that's how we became friends" he continued and took a deep breath

"he was actually a good person but he had bad company which actually turned him into a really bad person which you could not change" he took another deep breath

"he was actually the reason that I knew I was bisexual, I never thought about my sexuality until one day we were like 15 and we decided to drink, I know it is bad but the thing was we were attention seekers we needed attention from our parents so that's why we did it and always kept the bottles so that our parents would scold us, hit us or anything we needed attention, even though it would be negative it's still attention" jeno stopped for a second

tears were forming in his eyes but he didn't want to cry, then he continued

"that day I kissed him and our parents saw us, mine were fine with it but his weren't they were more of homophobic parents and we started talking less"

"that's when he got severe bad company and he changed, and that made me hate him, he became someone which no one wants someone to be, he started doing the illegal things we did together so much it turned unhealthy he was ruined now and no one could change him"

jeno looked at his boyfriends and indicated with his eyes he needed a hug

they understood and hugged him, jeno let out little sniffles

he let out sobs, his boyfriends didn't say anything they know that jeno doesn't like to cry in front of people

"I was still close with him so I decided to be like him it was the worst decision of my life he was a fuck-up if you say it in simple words and I was turing into one, I started drinking more even started smoking I was ruining myself little by little but when I was small I never regreted it, I guess it was for a reason that I never felt lonely but I just regret it now fuck I hate myself till now for doing this to me"

"nono please don't think like that you were like that you are not like that now don't hate yourself for your past you have changed for good and I know you will never be like the person you were before" renjun said and rubbed his shoulders to calm him down

"yea but I hate myself for that but what made me hate myself more is that I almost killed him once because of my anger"

and that sentence made both jaemin and renjun shocked and speechless, they did not expect that

"I know both of you are shocked by that but let me explain so I had really bad anger issues before I still have a little but they are not severe than before, never needed therapy or other stuff I fixed myself but before it was really bad I would snap easily and also got in a lot of fights, once me and him got in a huge fight, the memory is really vague but I remember that he said some shitty things which really made me angry and we fought mainly I was hitting him I punched and kicked him so hard I almost killed him he was sent to the hospital, I-I was a monster I hated myself so much I started hitting myself, junnie"