My Alien best friend, IwaOi

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Oikawa and I decided to first stay where we were before going further and maybe telling the others. 

It always was a great thing to feel his lips against mine. It made me forget everything and I just melted into the kiss. He seemed to feel the same way although I knew that it was only sexual attraction. He immediately told me that he had a 'smush', how he called it, on me when he figured it out. I first didn't understand what he was talking about but I soon enough understood. At least he was somehow attracted to me. 

It still hurt. Knowing that the person you love didn't love you in that way. Knowing that he would end all this one day, that he wouldn't want this one day, that I would feel the whole pain one day.

I, therefore, enjoyed every moment as much as I could. I knew that this was temporary but I didn't care. I loved it when we were together but I hated it when I was alone. I felt like I made a mistake. It felt bad. Not because I didn't like it or balmed him, no. This was just my fault. The problem was that I felt myself getting addicted to the sweet taste of his lips. They were like a drug I needed to take in order to feel good. A drug I would crave every day. A drug that would cause a lot of pain if I'd stop taking it. A drug I would crave until the day I die. 

But like it was with every drug, you became more and more addicted to it and craved more every day. Normally, you would just take more but I couldn't. I didn't want to scare Oikawa nor make him feel uncomfortable. I knew that I wanted this trip to last as long as possible. Actually, I wanted it to last forever although that seemed impossible. I didn't really believe that he would love me one day. 

Why would he? I didn't trust him enough to tell him about my biggest secret. Instead, I lied to him and made everything worse. I knew from the start that he would never tell anyone. Yet, I didn't tell him. He always told me everything and I didn't tell him anything. I doubted him in the thing he was most passionate about. 

I did so much wrong but the worst part was that I lied to him. Oikawa valued honesty more than anything else. Yet, I kept lying to him. I lied about everything. Everything I told him about me, everything he thought to know about me was a lie. 

I really am a terrible friend and I don't deserve him and never will.