A Journal of a Broken Personality

I'm learning that blessings are not bought.

I'm learning. I'm learning that blessings are not bought.

How we see God is the way we will treat God.

I used to see God as the one I could get a blessing from. I believed I could pray and ask for a blessing and God would have do it because that was his job. I also believed that if I gave money to the church in return God would bless me. I believed that in order to succeed in life I had to give my tithe. I learnt that from my childhood church but realized much later in life that it was wrong.

Luke 6:37 "Give and it shall be given to you" is a scripture that has been twisted to suit at my childhood church the pastors would preach .They would make a powerful statement which would go on to shape the way I looked at God "the more you give the more you will receive".

So for many years I believed that I needed to get a good Job, and when I got money I would give my tithe and offerings because that was the way to get Gods blessings. If I gave a lot I would receive a lot and if I gave little I would receive little.

And because of this the fundraising began in that church ( I no longer attend the childhood church). We were taught that it was our duty to give to the work of God. There was always something to fundraise for the church, for the Primary School and the list went on becoming extreme.

There is truth that we need to support the work of God. Yes if God touches your heart and convicts you to give more than your usual amount then sure go ahead. However pastors should not manipulate the congregation to give more than they earn or to challenge their faith by pressuring them to go the extra mile but to give out of their free will . I remember lots of families from my childhood church suffering at the hands of being pressured to give. They would sell their cars, their belongings and take out loans. People became sick and relationships were broken all because the church demanded it.

My father in good spirit spent his savings on the church, and soon out of compassion he had to given on behalf of another family because they couldn't reach their target. There was always something to fund raise about and a target to reach, we were continually pressured to give and sadly it was masked as the will of God.

Fundraising after fundraising went on. My mother recalls one announcement was made from the pulpit that there was going to be a last fundraiser. Unfortunately, it wasn't. We had a cell group meeting at my parent's place and my mother questioned the leaders and reminded them about the announcement made. She asked them to go and ask their superiors why we were still fundraising after that particular announcement was made. She never received an answer to this day.

Soon we left that church because more was focused on fundraising than the importance of feeding from the Word of God. We were spiritually dying.

I came to realize that this is the work of the devil who had infiltrated some churches and had made this a money making scheme, he has perverted the word of God to feed the lust of men. I now understand why people in the world don't want to follow Christ and it's because some pastors  have twisted the word of God to fulfill their lustful desire clearly proven in the word of God, 1 Timothy 6: 9-10 "But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from their faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through the many sorrows" making the church look like a money making scheme

There is no surprise with what's happening in some of the churches today it was all fore told in the word, about false teachers and false doctrines 2 Peter 2 so all this is nothing new but we the congregation need to seek God read his word and pray for discernment to catch all these lies and realize that yes the man of God can sin as well, I know that sounds harsh but that is the truth. Too many times we place the pastor on the pedestal thinking that he can't do any wrong, and that he is not exempted he too can sin that is why it's written in 1 Corinthians 5:2 " your faith should not be in the wisdom of man, but in the POWER OF GOD''

It is our responsibility to always be in the in presence of God, studying his word, fasting and praying. So that the Lord can direct us and show us the things which are not in line with his word. If we don't then we can easily be swayed into false doctrines. We must understand that the devil hates the church, he hates the work of God so he is always on the move plotting in ways he can infiltrate and pervert the work of God. It is also our responsibility to pray and fast for our leaders so that they can be covered.

I learnt through all this church drama that the God that I serve is a loving God, he blesses because he wants to. James 1:17 "every good gift and perfect gift is from above and comes down from the father of light, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning" A gift is a blessing, it can come in many forms as a friend, sharing a good meal, the rain, not missing the bus in the morning, climbing a tree, good health etc

Jesus said he will provide all our NEEDS not WANTS, he is not my genie to fulfill all my wish and desires, because he is a good father he doesn't want to spoil us but he gives to us the amount that we can handle. Mathew 6: 25-33 Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air for they neither sow nor reap, nor gather into barns: yet your heavenly father feeds them. A re you not of more value than they are? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature? so why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow they never toil nor spin and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of there. Now if god so clothed the grass of the field, which is today is and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, o you of little faith?

Therefore, do not worry saying, what shall we eat? Or what shall we drink what shall we wear?

For after all these things the gentiles seek. For your heavenly father knows what you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own trouble. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Think about it if he gave too much it would be easy to forget about him.

The question is "Am I serving God so that I can get something out of him"? like a new job, a pay raise, a husband etc or are we serving him because he is God? Regardless whether rich or poor, sick or well. He does not owe me anything! He is God! he is the creator the Almighty One. I was created by him and for him, so like Paul said "it is my duty to please my commanding officer" so that means my life is to please him and to do his will. God will bless me because he loves me and because he wants to and has a purpose for me, I cannot buy my blessing from him nor is he my genie to fulfill my every wish.

I'm learning. I'm learning that blessings are not bought.