A Journal of a Broken Personality

I'm learning about Father

I'm learning, I'm learning about Father

Children like to compete and compare with their friends, one of the competitions that I noticed growing up was whose Dad was bigger and stronger. Fathers are the heroes in the sight of their children, and for girls their first love.

My father is a quiet man, kind hearted merciful (too merciful at times). A reserved man, one who makes conversations only if need be. Ta is the opposite of Na, I guess that's why they are meant for each other and work so well. My father is a God fearing man he stood his ground on the word in his youth and kept to it till to date. He doesn't drink or smoke and never did he lay a hand in un ungodly manner on my sister, mother or me. My father has a huge heart generous to give to people in need. Always sharing  but sadly there are times when people especially relatives included take advantage of him nevertheless he still gives.

Ta is fun to hang around with, I remember a favorite card game that my sibling and I would love plat was trump 10. Api and Pau would team up against Ta and I. My father and I would have countless victories I guess because I was young those stood out, he was a good sport even if we would lose he would always say "don't worry Miri next round". School holidays we would go to a beach house at Natadola  (West Side of Fiji''s Main Island, Viti Levu)  Where my father was always happy to take us to swim. We had some fun competitions I remember him telling my siblings and I to line up and swim towards him, the older siblings would race away in a freestyle while I ran in the shallow water, my Father always proclaimed me the winner.

We have the deepest respect for our father, In the Itaukei (Native Fijian family) the head of the house which is the father is treated with the highest respect and honor and so it is tradition that he has his own cup, his own seat at the dinning table, there are things which belongs to him that we don't use or touch to the extent that even if visitors are around we wouldn't allow them to use. When it is meal time Ta's is the first to be served, even if says that he will eat later we must serve his food aside then proceed to eating, to give my father left overs is the most disrespectful thing to do.

Like every other loving father ta would discipline us, he would lead our family devotions in the evening there were days in which Na would lead., devotions were important for the household. There were times when our mischievousness would irritate our mother and all she had to say was "wait till your father comes home" to face our father we knew what was coming. When it came to spanking Ta was more of the compassionate one compared to mt mother, well just to my sister and I. I would make sure to cry the very moment he would "get the belt" so that he could feel sorry for me and I end up getting a lighter spanking. The first belting on the hand I'd crying dramatically like I was dying so he would stop, as I grew older this plan didn't seem to work.

I'll admit I took advantage of my father's kind and soft heatedness. If I couldn't get my way around my mother I didn't worry because I would win the battle through my father, my mother knew about this and reminded me that this was wrong but I didn't care, as long as I got my way. 

Proverbs 1:8 "my son, hear the instruction of your father." 

I look back on my life and see how I took advantage of my father's kindness and because of that being rebellious was easier knowing I could stray away but I would always have the acceptance of coming home. At 19 I had a falling out with my mother and in my anger and stubbornness I packed up my bags and left. I thought I could be independent and that I didn't need anyone my pride got the best of me I was a big girl I could look after myself, that was what I thought. Within months I found myself falling deeper into depression, nights of tears and loneliness creeped in. that's when I called my older brother to come get me.

I returned home, thinking I would get the lecture about my stubbornness I was sure my mother would sarcastically say something on the line of "oh so you want to come back home now?" I thought about it days before I had the courage to return but my desperation of returning and being with family was far more important than my pride, or maybe I didn't have any pride left. It's the day I returned home, sitting in the bedroom and hearing the car pull up our driveway I held my breath, I was nervous but prepared for the ear bashing I would receive. In that moment I didn't mind at all I knew I deserved it but I would rather be at home than any other place in the world but when my father saw me, he smiled and joyfully said "oh the prodigal daughter has returned" I burst into tears he continued "this will always be you home Miri, welcome home"

The parable of the lost son in Luke 15:11-32 has never been more relatable when that incident took place. Even so my Heavenly father is far greater than my earthly one. That was just one incident that I left. I soon moved out again in 2012 but this time I left properly. Even so my life was in the thick of sin. My heavenly father still remained faithful, merciful and patient with my behavior. He kept me though I deserved death. When I decided to turn my life around in 2016 just like the father in the parable of the prodigal son my heavenly father was happy to receive me, not once did he push me away, I felt his joy to take me back his love and best of all his forgiveness.

Our earthly father can only do so much, I am blessed to have a godly father but there are people today who don't have a relationship with their dads, maybe he left or he did something that one can never forgive. So many factors and reasons, but there is only one heavenly father whom we all share and is waiting patiently for us.

A God who has more mercy, love and forgiveness compared to our earthly fathers. A God who is the good Shepard who continues to chase after us with his love and is on a mission to rescue us and one who would not give up on us. A God who remains faithful, full of wisdom and understanding. A God who has always been in control, one who does not sleep nor slumber. The only God who sent his only Son the Lord Jesus Christ to die on the cross as the perfect atonement for mankind and to set them free from every strong hold addictions and sin and lead them into a life of freedom and righteousness.

He is the best father, he is capable to do exceedingly and more abundantly then we can ever think of or even ask.

He is the  the question. am I willing to return to him? am I willing to give him a chance? Am I willing to surrender all my hurts and disappointment? Am I willing to have a relationship with him and let him change me the way he wants to? 

Am I going to respond?

I'm learning, I'm learning about Father