A Journal of a Broken Personality

I'm learning about the CHURCH

I'm Learning, I'm learning about the CHURCH

God crossed my life in 2016, that's when I decided to take him seriously. In doing so I decided to attend my parent's church at that time, I'll call it "the learning church" for this is the place where I learnt so much and opened my eyes to so many things. It was small and cozy. A church enough to cater to 200 people, I loved the white picket fence around the property it was so inviting the huge trees out front gave that final touch. The people were so friendly and warm, I felt as if I belonged soon I consider them my family; I attended fellowships and even hosted, looked forward to cell meeting and the Friday night youth. I grew close to one of the leaders and shared many memories and laughs' I felt this was where I belonged.

My walk with Christ went deeper so quickly, I was hungry for God I spent a lot of time in his presence in worship, I would go to my room and seek his face I would read the word and spent days fasting and praying so that I could experience God. Within months I was baptized with the Holy Spirit, spoke in tongues and started to operate in the gifts. It was an exciting time in my family, there was break through happening both in my life and families, I believe I was experiencing my first love.

Things started to change when I was asked to share one Friday night for youth. I talked about secular music, movies and even alcohol. The topics were relatable because I experienced this becoming my testimony but unfortunately there were some people in the church who didn't approve with my sharing.

I found out soon that when new people enter the church it somehow causes a threat to those who have already been there for years (only some), they become territorial and change can be hard to receive. Soon people couldn't see past my old life and would always bring it up. As I started operating in the gifts of the spirit some people didn't accept it and started calling me a false prophet. It hurt so bad I would cry out to God to take back his gifting and that it was burden, I told him just give me encouraging messages not the confrontational ones but God is not like that he gives what he wants to give.

I soon was in a relationship with a guy in church and that made everything worse. His mother hated me and would say nasty things about me and my old life. It really did hurt and I spent days crying to God asking him why she didn't like me and I would pray that one day she would accept me, In that process God taught me to love her unconditionally and return a thousand folds of blessing for every word of gossip, slander and curse. Unfortunately, the relationship ended because he and I were disobedient in the first place to separate. He and I fought for our relationship, soon people didn't want to hang around us it was not because they hated him, oh no he was a good church boy played in the worship team and grew up in the church. I was the problem I was the OUTSIDER the one with the filthy past.

I realized that there is no church perfect; I entered the church with the wrong mentality and most people do, we from the outside look in thinking that the people in the church have got it all together, that they love, are forgiving and mature. But I learnt that even in the church there are still people who are broken and even struggling with sin. Going to church doesn't make you perfect or immune to sin. People who know the truth and walk with Christ get attacked the hardest because well they know the truth, they are the number 1 enemies of Satan and he will do everything in his power to take you back to the world and ultimately destroy you.

I am truly grateful for that church during that season I learnt so much. I learnt how to love, to forgive, bless and release It boosted my prayer life and even my fasting life. The realization that everyone can make mistake sunk in. I learnt that no one is immune to sin not even the pastors or the leaders, we all fall. I learnt to stop putting people in ministry on the pedestal and expect their lives to be perfect and when they do fall it only disappoints me. I learnt to never judge new believers, I learnt that ministry can be a form of idolatry and  I leant about unity and division.

I can go on about the things that I learnt in that church, I even learnt things about myself that I was shocked about, God showed me the inner man and took me on a lesson of pruning and letting the old man die so that he can mold me into the women that he intended me to be.

1 Corinthians 2:5 "that your faith should not be in the wisdom of man but in the power of God"

 We need to start looking at the church without judgment and perfection without expectations that a life with Christ in the church is not smooth sailing, that men can fail but God will NEVER fail us. There is always going to be someone who presses your button and there will be things that you don't agree with. But when we start looking at the church and all its circumstance, issues and situation with  the question in mind of "what are you teaching me God" that's when it gets easier and sweeter.

The church is a hospital and God is our healer. When we get hurt by people in the church we must understand that it is normal. Yes it is sad but the greatest attack from the devil aims at the people that you least imagined it would come from who else then from the people within the church. We must understand that they are not the enemy but Satan and his demons are, once you realize this you can always counter by your prayers. 

Remember God is our vindicator and he is the best person to run to as he will always fight for us.

I'm Learning, I'm learning about the CHURCH