A Journal of a Broken Personality

I'm learning about Virginity

I'm learning, I'm learning about Virginity

Where do I even begin? How do I even write this piece? I wrote the title and stared at it. VIRGINITY! Moments have passed and all I think about is how my family would react when they would read this. A sensitive topic, a taboo, difficult to speak about. A private matter that should never be spoken about, not even a soul should hear about it but I have to. I prayed about this particular topic asking God to give me the boldness and courage to be transparent and real, to speak from heart. I am so thankful to God that with every topic that I write about he has given me peace and healing.

Growing up, I learnt that the greatest gift a woman could give to her husband was her virginity. It was the most valuable treasure and a priceless gift. I remember feeling so important and special. I said that I would keep myself for that moment; I would keep myself for the man of my dreams the man who I would call husband. I believed it would be magical and it would seal our love. The church would stress the importance of keeping yourself for your man, I would hear sermons and speakers time and time again and that boosted my confidence to keep it.

Christianity is rooted in the I'taukei (Fijian Natives) culture. Every girl knows she has to keep herself pure and that to lose her virginity meant she lost her value and would bring shame to the family. An old tradition that was practiced in the culture was that on the marriage night there would be a bed set for the newly wed with white sheets, the curtains around the bed would give them privacy while the old ladies would wait eagerly for the couple's encounter. The next morning the sheet would be brought out for all the families to see. The brides Virginity would bring great honor to her family and the greatest respect from the groom's side. Although this practice has faded away some still do practice this.

The western world has influenced this generation by making sex very casual and normal outside of marriage to the point that the media portrays being a virgin is a loser. We see so many teen flicks that portray that kind of thinking. If you had sex then you were considered cool. One common way relationship start is by the couple meeting up at a nightspot which leads to a one nightstand then soon after decide if they should be serious or not. People tend to find if they are compatible sexually rather than in character. Not all people start relationships like this but somehow sex has lost its sacredness and this practice has become the norm.

My virginity was something I was proud of, the moment I gained knowledge about sex was the moment I began to champion it to my friends, even so my friends were all Christians and they agreed. As I entered into high school we would hear stories of people hooking up with each other. I would learn sexual gestures, sexual jokes and even sex lingos. The raging hormones in the adolescent years paved the way to many teenagers knowledge about sex. The media didn't help at all most songs had sexual connotations to it, the television shows were filled with it. There was no escaping it.

It was in my final year and school was about to end. That's when I lost it. Nope I didn't lose it to my high school sweet heart and nope it wasn't romantic nor was it magical. I lost it to a complete strange whom I met in a popular night club. Yes I was a rebellious child I would sneak out on Friday nights to meet up with friends and on one night I met someone who gave me his undying attention, he and I danced to so many songs, he said all the right things to me he was very handsome. He made the night magical and for the first time I decided I wanted to be with him. I barely knew this guy but he had me hook line and sinker.

How I felt sick to my stomach when it ended. I went home feeling so disgusted and ashamed of myself. I regretted it. I couldn't believe that I threw out everything that I believed in. Questions filled my head How could I? why? What's wrong with you Miri"?. It was so strange the night was beautiful and romantic; although I felt nervous going to his house not once did I feel that it was wrong. My lust had covered my sense's I thought with my heart rather than my head. Just as t is written in Jeremiah 17:9- 10  the heart is deceitful and it betrayed me. Once the act was done I was left alone with the demons in my head.

Losing my virginity did so much damage. It damaged me emotionally and spiritually, my self-esteem was scared I felt so insecure and unloved after that incident I began a mission to find someone to love me. The years rolled by and more pain and suffering occurred. Finally giving my life to Jesus was the breakthrough that I needed, the Lord took me through a time of healing, through fasting, prayer and renunciations. You see I later learnt the spiritual consequence of my actions. How I wished when I was younger that I learnt more about sex from the spiritual perspective had I known things might have been more different.

Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 

Sex was made for a husband and wife that is the way God designed it, so the moment one has sex with another you are bound together. I soon learned about ungodly soul ties, the soul is the heart which comes under the flesh which is consisted of the MIND, WILL and EMOTIONS. The moment someone has a sexual encounter with someone the two become one.

the meaning of two becoming one is that their mind will and emotions are intertwined, have you ever experienced a moment when you were just about to call your other half but they called you and all you can say is "hey I was just about to call you" or when you sensed something was wrong and you find out that your other half was sad or in danger, that's because you have a soul tie with them. 

1 Corinthians 6:16 or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? "For the two he says shall become one flesh"

1 Corinthians 6:13 Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord and the Lord for the body. 

The moment sex is used outside of marriage you have defiled yourself.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 Flee sexual immorality, Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body, or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own. For you were bought at a price, therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit which are Gods.

There is so much danger when sex is abused, the more partners' one has the dangers that person will encounter, every time you sleep with someone you take a part of them with you, and vice versa. It is not that God doesn't want us to have fun or is depriving us of our happiness but because he knew that it would bring so much emotional, spiritual and yes even physical damage. I've seen many young people lose weight from a terrible break up, even those who put on a tremendous amount, people turning to alcohol and drugs to soothe their pain hoping to forget.

Many people carry so much baggage from a relationship gone wrong for so many years. I for one with my very first boyfriend carried all of my hurts into the following relationships and it was detrimental in each one.

Guard your virginity, not just for your spouse but guard it because your body is sacred, Guard it for the Lord that is the most beautiful offering that we can ever give him is our purity. 

Romans 12:1 I beseech you brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. 

Now holiness is not just keeping our purity it is holistically living holy. By filtering what we watch and hear, by the way we speak and how to respond to situations and people

Sex was designed for a man and woman who are married. Keep it that way.

I'm learning, I'm learning about Virginity