A Journal of a Broken Personality

I'm learning about Sister

I'm learning, I'm learning about Sister

I only have one sister, Pau short for Paulini is 3 years older than me. She and I are complete opposites, I am the loud and outgoing one and she is quiet and private, she is lady and conservative while I was the edgy and daring kind. Pau like spots and strips while I liked floral and white. She likes mountains and meadows while I like the beach and ocean. She likes horrors and thrillers while I liked sci-fi and comedy. On so many levels we were opposite but she and I always clicked.

We both adore Disney, we both like to travel and each junk, I guess being opposite to each other made us gel because we appreciated each other.

Growing up she was my competition I guess Pau was always successful especially academically topping her classes and because I was an average student I knew I had to outshine her in whatever way possible especially to get my parents attention. Through my childhood and teenage year's I' d always be compared to her, I think my maternal grandmother really pushed me to get attention from my family because I never lived up to my sister in so many levels.

Yes, as sisters we did have our moments of fights, not so much physically fights but more with words. Days of not talking to each other and giving the cold shoulder, but it's funny because when we did mend thing it was as if nothing would happen, underneath all the difference Pau and I loved each other very much.

Pau has always been my second mother, she always looked out for me. On long road trips she would always allow me to sleep on her lap. She let me borrow her clothes, she would nurse me when I was sick, stuck up for me in school and even at times when I would fight with Na. Pau would teach me new things especially words, people and places, I learnt a lot of things and like every other sibling growing up she would lie to me about things just for the sake of laughs, there were time she and my big brother would team up on me but it was all child's play.

Pau has always been my biggest fan, in everything that I do my sister has always been supportive. She is always excited for me when good things happen and even through the rough times she has always been my support. Pau has also had her share of the world but unlike me I feel she just touched the surface and was back with God. I on the other hand was the black sheep the prodigal daughter, yet even deep in sin my sister loved me. There were times she would show me off to her friends, she was never ashamed of me that's what I truly appreciate about Pau, through all my filth she still loved me. Pau and I are very close both our circle of friend knew how much we loved each other.

2015 was the year the devil robbed me of my sister. Pau had gotten her life right with God and became heavily involved in her church, by then I was so deep in the world that my character stunk with sin. She and I had a terrible falling out which involved a cousin, this cousin twisted the story and now after all is said and done that I realization came about that she envied my sisters and I's relationship because she never had with her sister. We both were in the wrong we said some mean things to each other through txt, soon after Pau was apologetic and genuine I on the other hand began to act bitter towards her. The falling out was so ridiculous which also involved my younger brother but unlike my brother Suli who got over it I was still carrying the bitterness, Suli didn't really dwell on it, we both gave the silent treatment but my bittiness skin deep.

I was so mean to her and spoke badly about her, on and on I would judge her. From bitterness I began to hate her, my hatred was so intense. Exactly a year later my sister did the most admirable and loving thing. At that time I couldn't see it because I was stuck in my pride and sin. Pau decided to make things right with the whole family she first went privately to my parent to apologies for all that she had done to them and washed their feet. Suli and I was in the sitting room. I remember Na coming-out of her room and she looked as if she had been crying. She asked my brother and I to follow her to the room. Seated on the bed was my parents, 2 chairs were set on opposite side for Suli and I. On the floor was my sister with her head bowed beside her was a basin of water liquid soap and a towel.

Her speech began, she stated that it was exactly one year since our falling out and that we hadn't spoken to each other. Pau was truly remorseful, she apologized asked for forgiveness she added that she only had one sister and said that she missed me after her speech she kindly asked if she could wash my feet and my brothers as well. As I write this I look back and see how loving and true she was but at that time I was fuming I couldn't see it, What I could see then was that it was all a show and plan to get into my parent's good books.

I quickly declined the idea of having my feet washed. I felt very uncomfortable and awkward about it, I said that I accepted her apology but refused to have my feet washed. My parents kept insisting that I let her wash my fee but I was adamant not to have it, even Suli declined. I got furious with the pushing of my parents that I blurted out. "I have no sister, Pau is dead to me" She was in tears when she heard this and cried on my mother's lap while Na tried to console her. My father was in a rage that he chased me and my brother out of the house, gladly I left.

Months went by of that same year in 2016 that I finally got my life right with God, It was during one of my bible studies that God spoke to me through his word 1 John 4:20 "If someone says, "I love God. "and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this commandment we have from him, that he who loves God must love his brother also." That scripture struck me!!! it cut me so deep that immediately I wanted to make things right with my sister. I knew I had to ask her for forgiveness. I felt so bad that I began to sob for I knew I had wronged he. I finally saw that my hatred drove us apart but Praise the Lord God almighty for his word how it corrects, rebukes encourages and directs us into the correct path. Hebrews 4:12 "For the word of God is living and powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword, piecing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thought and intents of the heart."

And so I decided that it was time for me to make things right with my sister. I told Na everything that God convicted me of and she arranged for my sister to come home for dinner. I thank God she didn't decline even though I usually made her feel awkward when she came home to visit. Its the night my sister arrives and I lay in the living room couch planning all that I wanted to say. When Pau arrived she sat with my Mother in the kitchen, I could feel my heart racing I wanted to run to her and embrace but I knew I could not do that yet I had to first apologies then seek her forgiveness.

I'm so thankful that night she was surprised, after a year and a few months I spoke directly to her. I thank God for he is the God of reconciliation, she said she had already forgiven me and was so thankful to God that she got her sister back. I was so happy it felt like a burden was lifted and I felt the love of God surround our family that night. 

The devil is evil, he tries to destroy everything, but it is only through the Lord God almighty that he could restore our relationship. I've heard of so many stories of siblings not talking to each for years and even dying without mending things. How sad is that but God is faithful he is indeed the healer and the God of restoration. What the devil thought that he could destroy, the Lord turned it around and brought about peace, love and healing. He is a miracle working God.

I only have one sister, that is a gift given to me from my Heavenly Father, what a priceless gift of all the families I could have been born into and of all people who could have been my sister the Lord decided that Pau would be the best option and I for her. Our relationship is better than before, I thought it would be hard to pick up where we left of from but with God we picked up like nothing ever happened. I'm so thankful for Pau's life she has really been a great adviser, role model, a source of strength, teacher and best of all my sister.

I have only one sister and her name is Pau.

I'm learning, I'm learning about Sister