A Journal of a Broken Personality

I'm learning about Gossip.

I'm learning, I'm learning about Gossip.

We all hate gossip but the reality is that we are guilty of practice. A gossiper comes from a place of bitterness, jealously and hatred. The topic of gossip is always on peoples personal and private affairs. Whether there is truth in the story or not, when it comes out of a place of malice and unkindness, it passes as gossip.

Working at a secular radio station I was a pro at this, we had some talk segments on celebrities  prying into their lives, especially their love life, people are always interested in other people's affairs. Not only internationally but we managed to gossip about the happenings locally. We live in a time where we thrive on people's drama. TV shows are filled with drama, why else do house wives get addicted to soap operas it's because of the drama, the plot twist and it always has to do with someone's else's businesses.

I for one could recall so much time I wasted on gossiping, I'd catch up with some friends the usual would be what are you up to? then we would converse mostly about the people that we didn't like. At that time I didn't realize but now when I look back most conversations were about other people. It is the very thing that bonds two people together is their common interest, especially when it comes to people that they both dislike. My mouth was mean, rude and vile sometimes I wish I could go back in time and just slap myself. I'm not proud of it, after the knowledge of what damage it can do I wish I could take back all that I said but I can't.

James 3:6 "Even so the tongue is a little member and boast great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles. And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity, the tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and set on fire the course of nature and it is set on fire by hell"

We don't realize this but we destroy people with our tongue, INTENTIONALLY and even unintentionally. Can you imagine driven by jealousy or hate we can come up with the nastiest things and UNTRUE, it's sad because we can destroy someone's reputation even before other people can even get a chance to know them, they already have a preconceived idea of them. This can even affect them in getting a job or a chance of being in a relationship.

2 Timothy 2:16 "But shun profane and idle babblings, for they will increase to more ungodliness"

There is so much truth to that scripture, when we have to much free time on our hands and decide to have a little chit chat with a friend, soon the conversation can turn completely sour.

In Fiji there is a traditional practice called kava drinking, it is a plant based drink that uses the roots once it is dried up it is pounded until it turns into powder. This is mixed with water and served. It is used in special ceremonies and now it is widely used as a way of socializing. Kava does the opposite to alcohol, rather it mellows you down.

Kava drinking can go on for hours, I would start at 5pm and see myself finishing in the wee hours of the morning, during this time people would sit around the kava bowl and spend hours of drinking and talking,

It was in these circles that I now realized how much idle time we had, so with so much time on our hands we would talk about what was the latest craze on social media, the latest in news, sports and current affairs and of course the affairs of others, come to think of it, it was toxic. Day in and day out it was the same thing. I was guilty of this. We tend to think that gossip is harmless but it isn't, 

Ephesians 4: 31 "Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice", 

Ephesians 5:4 "neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting but rather giving thanks" 

Here we learn  that gossip, slander, judgment, cussing or filthy language should never be coming out from our mouth. We need to realize that the tongue is a weapon, a deadly weapon, that can curse and bless. How dangerous if we use it as a tool for the devil's work, we must understand that the devil needs no help in doing his work.

Proverbs 18:21 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit".

Words can cut deep and can be carried for years, what was said 10 years ago can remain fresh and relevant today. Words plant the root of bitterness in our lives and if not dealt with, can grow and eventually turn to hatred which is automatically connected to unforgiveness.

It is much easier to dish out gossip, slander and judgement it but when it happens to you that's a completely different story. Gossip in the world is understandable and there are ways to handle it, usually with confrontation which can even lead to fights and that was the way I usually handled it.

As I began to walk this new life with Jesus I learnt how to deal with gossip. I learnt it the hard way of all the people and places to learn about gossip and how to deal with it the godly way was at "the learning church" A woman who intensely disliked me said a lot of hurtful and nasty things about me. I'll admit this was more shocking and painful because it came from within the church.

In the old nature I wanted to retaliate, I couldn't believe my ears and how many people she had gone to gossip about me. I could feel my blood boil, I was hurt I wanted to cry and scream. But I thank God for the Holy Spirit who intervened and reminded to forgive bless and love.

 1 Peter 2:23 "when he reviled, did not revile in return, when he suffered he did not threaten, but committed himself to him who judges righteously."

1 Peter 3:9 "not returning evil for evil or reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing."

To deal with Gossip, any words of slander or judgment the only way is through forgiveness and a prayer of blessing. Romans 12:14 "Bless those who persecute you: bless and do not curse" I first though this was the weakest way to handle such situations and such people needed a lesson to be taught but the Christ like way is to be silent and not retaliate at all.

That was what I did it was hard, I would spend hours and days on my face crying out to God about the matter and for him to deal with me, to teach me how to love and bless her. I cannot believe how much love I have for this woman now. How the Holy Spirit has given me compassion for her. I found myself interceding for her family and her success that everything she touches will prosper. That the Lord would bless her in her going in and her going out. For healing and restoration upon her household.

That was the way to handle people who hurt you with their words, Jesus is the ONLY way. We need to remember that our Lord was ridiculed yet not once did he try to defend, justify himself or even fight back. All he did was remain silent and continue to love. Romans 13:10 "Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law"

To be silent, forgive and bless. To love can never be done with our own strength it can only be done by the help of the Lord Jesus Christ. In surrendering to him he gives us the peace that we need and the strength to continue in this journey of life.

Our words should be uplifting, filled with love and encouragement. Colossians 4:6 "Let your speech be seasoned with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may now how you ought to answer each other" In our own strength it is impossible especially in difficult situation like these but God gives us the wisdom to answer and can help us with our speech if only we allow him to. Ephesians 4:32 "And be kind to one another, tenderhearted forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you"

Living a godly life is impossible if done by our own strength but by the power and the leading of the Lord Jesus Christ it is possible. That is why we must walk by the spirit so that we do not fulfill the last of the flesh.

Take the time to reflect, are you using your mouth to destroy people or to build them up? remember what ever is coming out of the mouth is the reflection of what is happening in the heart. Luke 6:45  A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart brings forth evil. For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.

I pray the Lord open your eyes to see the truth and the power of the tongue.

I'm learning, I'm learning about Gossip.