A Journal of a Broken Personality

I'm learning about Prayer

I'm learning, I'm learning about Prayer

Prayer as a child was one thing I didn't enjoy, I found it boring and long enough to put me to sleep especially during family devotions. In the evenings my father would lead our family service, I would be the one to choose the songs we would first sing some praise song then with worship. He would read the word and explain what it meant after that we would all take turns to pray from the youngest to the oldest. Pau (my sister) would pray the longest apart from Na and Ta (mum & Dad) and there were times. when I would feel like competing with Pau just to impress Na and Ta I would pray long as well.

I knew that prayer was a way of communicating with God. It was constantly emphasized in Sunday school by the pastors and my parents; every Christian knew that prayer was imperative. My prayer life was as casual as it could get, I would pray in the morning to thank the Lord for the day and to guide me throughout, bedtime prayer, waking up to nightmares I would call out to Jesus to protect me and don't forget the monotonous prayer to bless the food before every meal. oh and how could I forget just before exams for God to help me but there was no real in-depth prayer nor was there any consistency.

It was sometimes in June of 2016 that I read Mathew 6:6 "but you when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut the door, pray to your father who is in the secret place; and your father who sees in secret will reward you openly" I decided to test that scripture, I remember saying to myself "let me try this" I didn't do it because of the reward, but I felt my spirit really searching for him, that was the beginning of a serious talk with God and as the years rolled I learnt how to listen and be led by the Holy Spirit.

I took that scripture and tested it I said I'm going to try this, I knew deep down that it was going to work. There was another scripture that pondered heavily on my heart, it was this scripture that catapulted me to find God. Jeremiah 29:12-13 "then you will call upon me and go and pray to me, and I will listen to you, and you will seek me and find me when you search for me with all my heart."

He kept his word. It didn't happen overnight but my hunger to find God was not in vain, I did find him but I had to search with all my heart. I kept pushing when he didn't turn up the first night I kept searching I said "Lord I'll find you, if not today then tomorrow, if not tomorrow then the next day but I will not give up until I find you" God is so faithful and he stays true to his word. I FOUND HIM!

I learnt that your whole being must really want him, your heart speaks a lot of what you value. Jesus said "Where your treasure is there your heart will be also". Our heart shows what we prioritize and what we value the most; it can be ambition, money, boyfriends etc. But at this very moment I was desperate for God I wanted to see him I wanted to know him I wanted to experience him I wanted and I NEEDED to have an encounter.

My prayer life has grown, I've learnt how to praise him, how to pray a prayer of thanksgiving, I've sobbed countless times before God, weeping my heart out in pain, suffering and even in times of confusion. I've learnt to come to him with everything. I've learnt to treat my prayer like a dairy every feeling that I'm going through whether I'm happy or sad I tell him how I feel after all I can't hide anything from God he knows me through and through.

Philippians 4:6-7 Be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God and the peace that surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 

That is the secret of prayer to off load everything to God. He is so loving  kind and patient enough to take time to listen to every broken prayer every complaint frustration and hurt. He is ever so near to listen and understand. He would rather you cast your burdens and heavy yoke to him and in exchange he gives his yoke which is light and the peace that surpasses ALL understanding.

Now days I know that I need to talk to God, I don't I feel like the troubles and problems in life can drive me insane anymore  especially after talking to him. There are times when I hit a road bump in life that I find myself saying out loud "I have to pray; I have to talk to God". Moment later I'm on my knees crying to God about the issue, there are times I can't even speak but I'm so thankful that the Lord knows every interpretation of my tears. There are times when I look back on my life and wonder how on earth I survived not talking to God because its crucial than ever before that I talk to him.

Prayer needs to be a lifestyle; it needs to be imbedded in our daily schedule valued and a priority. Daniel is an excellent example of a man of prayer. He would pray three times a day toward Israel and even as a high ranked officer in the kingdom he still made time to pray. That's our problem we don't make time. I learnt a very powerful lesson from Daniel's life. If we eat 3 times a day we are feeding our flesh, then our spirit man must be fed equally with the word of God and prayer 3 times a day.

How much do you talk to God? Is it brief and is it only when you want something? Take the time to really commune with him. Although he is God remember he is your friend as well.

I'm learning, I'm learning about Prayer.