You're Not Alone

It's Part of Me, Apart From Me

I highly recommend you listen to the song as you read this chapter. It just adds to the experience so immensely. Even I, I admit, got a little emotional listening to it and writing at the same time.

(Alan's POV)

Austin sat, huddled on the floor of the pediatric wing waiting room, hugging his knees to his chest and mumbling to himself.

I shifted in the uncomfortable arm chair, trying to process everything. It was my fault Jen was in there right now. It was all my fault.

I didn't even realize I was crying until Phil came and sat in the seat next to mine. "Dude, she's gonna be okay. I know it. I know Jen. She's a real fighter, that girl. She's got balls."

I shook my head. "Phil, you don't understand."

"What don't I understand?"

I looked up at him through my hair. "It's my fault she's in there right now. It's my fault she might be dying."

Phil shook his head. "Don't say that. It's nobody's fault."

"Phil. The man was aiming at me. It would've been me he hit, had Jen not pushed me out of the way. It's my fault she was shot. It's my fault Austin could lose her."

"Alan, there was nothing you could've done. Don't beat yourself up."

I shook my head and my lip began to quiver uncontrollably.

"Phil, I don't want her to die." I choked out before entering a fit of sobs. Phil stood up and clutched me against his body. I heaved into his chest, staining his shirt with my tears as I held onto the material for dear life.

I couldn't get the image of her out of my mind. Her twitching fingers as she tried to deal with the pain, my hands streaking her face with her own blood as I tried to wipe the tears from her cheeks, blood staining her blonde hair.

The elevator opened and Vic, Jaime, Tony and Mike walked out, looking exasperated and fearful.

"We came as soon as we got your call." Jaime announced. "What happened?"

I drew a deep breath and wiped the tears off of my face. "Jen was doing algebra homework and looked like she needed a break from the stress. So we went on a walk to get some fresh air. Somehow we wound up in an alley and a man threatened me with a gun. He searched us for money, but when he couldn't find much, he tried to take Jen instead. He aimed his gun at me and was about to fire, when Jen pushed me out of the way and got hit." I felt my voice getting shaky again, but before I had time to cry, a doctor came out of Jen's operating room.

"Jennifer Carlile?" He called out.

Austin found the strength to stand and approach the doctor and we followed close behind.

"How is she?" Austin asked.

The doctor sighed. "Incredibly lucky. Two millimeters to the right and the bullet would've severed the carotid artery. It nicked a few of the smaller vessels, but we got the bleeding to stop for the most part." I sighed with relief. "As of now, Jen is in a coma, and we're not sure if and when she'll wake up, but-"

Austin looked up and cut him off. "If?" He asked. The doctor stared at the floor and nodded.

Austin started chuckling and pacing the ground. "Fantastic." He said. He kicked one of the chairs with a force, knocking a table over and sending the magazines flying. The potted plant broke on the floor. "Fan- fucking- tastic!" He yelled.

"Mr. Carlile, please calm down."

Austin began to laugh even harder. "No! I will not calm down!" His laughing soon transitioned to him heaving dry sobs, but he had run out of tears to cry. "Why is it that everyone I love has to die? My mom, Jen. Does God think this is funny?" He stared up at the sky, as if talking to God. "Do you think this is fucking funny, you bastard? You bastard!" He yelled louder, falling to his knees.

I know the chapters have been shorter lately, but I'll make up for it soon. I hope you're enjoying this so far!

Chapter song: Holocene by Bon Iver. Again, I HIGHLY recommend listening to the song as you read.

-Gracie