You're Not Alone

What Love Really Means

(Austin's POV)

We had gone out to IHOP on Christmas Eve. The restaurant was nearly empty, so we were able to have a peaceful meal together. The night consisted of jokes, stories, and happiness. We were all in the Christmas spirit.

Towards the end of the meal, Tino out some of the whipped cream from his pancakes on Jen's nose. Everyone was laughing at first, until Jen stared at someone in the distance. She grew very serious and solemn.

My first thought, was that her mother had returned to hurt her again. But Jen didn't seem afraid, as she would be if her mother did happen to show. She just looked confused. A wave of realization swept over her face as she wiped the whipped cream off of her nose.

She rose from the table, and slowly made her way to an older looking kid. He looked a bit like her. They had the same eyes. He was darker than Jen, his hair had a bit of a red tint to it. His earlobes were stretched.

He saw Jen as he was clearing off a table. The both of them just stared at each other for a moment. Then, I saw a smile appear on his face. Like Jen, he had braces on his teeth.

They threw their arms around each other, tears falling down both of their faces. We all just stared at the scene in awe.

The kid had to go back to work, but before he went, he gave Jen another bone crushing hug, and a kiss on the forehead.

Jen came back to the table, wiping a few tears off of her face. She wore his smile.

We all sat in silence, waiting for an explanation.

"That was my brother, Jonny. He's 8 years older than me. He ran away after Dad left." She explained, still swatting tears away. "I haven't seen him in six years."

A mix of emotions dwelled inside me. Happiness, confusion, sadness.

"Did he know? About...you know?" Vic asked carefully, trying not to pluck a nerve.

Jen shook her head. "He only knew that they yelled at me. He didn't know about anything that happened after he ran away." She nodded.

I shot the guys a look, letting them know that 20 Questions was over. Everyone got the message.

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(Jen's POV)

My spirits had been up ever since I saw Jonny at IHOP. We didn't get long to catch up, but we had the memories.

I remembered the day he taught me how to play guitar. I was only 7, but even after Jonny was gone, I played whenever mom left me alone. I even wrote a song. I never finished it, though.

I sat in the back lounge of the bus, reading an interview Austin did with Alternative Press.

Q: Congratulations on the success of your adoption! Jen seems like a great kid!

A: Yes, she is. I honestly can't remember what life was like before she came along. I love her to pieces, and I know the guys do too.

Q: That's awesome. However, we were sorry to hear about the run in with her mother in Aspen. How are you all dealing with that?

A: *long silence*

Q: You don't wanna go that far? *Austin nods* I respect that.

The rest of the interview continued as normal. Austin shared a few stories from the tour so far. We had about a month and a half left, and then it would be done.

I set down the magazine, and Alan's acoustic guitar caught my eye. Seeing Jonny again, brought back so many memories.

I picked it up, and began to strum softly. I played a few chords, and everything rushed back to me.

The door opened slowly, as Austin and Alan walked in.

"I'm sorry, Alan. I didn't mean to-" I stammered.

"No, it's fine. Don't worry about it." He smiled. "I didn't know you could play."

I nodded. "Jonny taught me. He gave me his before he ran away. I used to play when mom wasn't home. I hid it in his room, under the bed."

Austin looked excited. "What do you know how to play?"

I shrugged. "Not much. Just a really crappy song I wrote last year."

Both of them perked up.

"Play it for us!" They demanded.

After a few minutes of arguing, I gave in. I began to feel nervous. They were in a band, for God's sake! But nonetheless, I began to strum the familiar chords.

He cries in the corner where nobody sees, he's s the kid with the story no one would believe

He prays every night, "Dear God, won't you please, could you send someone here who will love me?"

Who will love me for me?

Not for what I have done or what I will become

Who will love me for me?

Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day, she's the woman who's husband has run away

She'll go to the gym after working today, maybe if she was thinner than he would've stayed

And she says, who will love me for me?

Not for what I have done or what I will become

Who will love me for me?

Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means

He's waiting to die as he sits all alone

He's a man in a cell who regrets what he's done

He utters a cry from the depths of his soul, "Oh Lord, forgive me. I wanna go home."

I looked up at Austin and Alan. "That's as far as I got."

Austin gave me a sad smile. "That's beautiful, Jen."

I smiled.

"Thank you."

"W-was it about-" Alan stuttered.

"Me?" I asked cutting him off. "Yes. The people in this song, were me. The little boy, was when I tried to tell someone what mom and dad were doing. No one believed me. The woman, was me after my dad left. My mom told me it was my fault he was gone. The man in prison, was me for 7 years after he was gone. Waiting to die, calling to God, that he would kill me, so I wouldn't have to suffer."

Alan looked extremely sad. "Well, for what it's worth, you've got a really nice voice." I smiled.

"Hey, wanna watch a movie?" Austin asked, wanting to clear the tension in the air.

I nodded. I needed something to take my mind off the past. I was getting that awful urge to cut again.

Austin smiled. "Go pick one out. I'll be out in a minute."

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(Austin's POV)

Jen handed Alan his guitar, and walked out of the lounge.

Once she was gone, I turned to him, the best idea for a last minute Christmas present popping into my head.

I did NOT write this song!!! It belongs to JJ Heller. This song has been one of my favorites for years now. I also imagine Jen's voice to sound like JJ's.

I also attached a photo of Jen's brother, Jonny. His character was inspired by my friend Jonny who's always there with great jokes and even greater hugs.

Title and song creds: What Love Really Means- JJ Heller