You're Not Alone

I Could See For Miles and Miles and Miles

(Austin's POV)

The walk down the hallway to her room was one of the hardest I've ever had to make. The pediatric wing was bright in colors. The air was heavy with lavender air freshener and the walls were covered in the children's drawings. It was disgusting. It was almost as if they were trying to make us forget where we were and why we were there. No amount of air freshener or hopeful sketches could hide the fact that we were in a place where the innocent go to die. You couldn't mask that with colors.

I turned the corner into her room and all the quiet conversation from the men behind me stopped. The silence was eerie as we stared at Jen's seemingly lifeless body, reassured by the occasional rising and falling of her chest as she took in her slow breaths. The machines surrounding her beeped creating a glimmer of hope for her survival.

I reached out and took her hand, immediately feeling how cold it was. Her face and body was drained of color, other than the sheer coat of blood that still stained her neck.

"She's holding up well. Her heart rate doesn't seem to be slowing down." The doctor tried to reassure me. It didn't work.

"We're gonna leave you two alone. We can get some candy and shit for Jellybean when she wakes up." Vic said.

If she wakes up, I thought.

They all left, except for Alan, who sat next to me and sighed.

"Why Jen, out of all the people?" He asked. "Why not me, or literally anyone but her?"

"I...I don't know, Al. That's the worst part. That's what scares me the most. I don't know." I answered, completely out of tears. I bit my lip. "You know, she wants kids. And there's nothing I'd love more for her."

Alan chuckled. "Luckiest kids in the world." His smile dropped. "Austin, this is all my fault."

I turned to face him and took his hand in my own. *THIS IS NOT A FUCKING CASHBY MOMENT THIS IS A BONDING MOMENT, OKAY * "Alan, this isn't your fault, okay? You didn't pull the trigger."

"I didn't do anything."

"Yeah, none of us did."

"But, Austin, that's the whole point. Why didn't I?" He asked.

I put my hand on his cheek and stared him straight in the eyes. "What could you have done?"

Alan's lip began to quiver and he sank his head into the crook of my neck. I felt his tears as they hit my skin.

Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw one of Jen's fingers twitch. Then I saw it again.

The others returned from the gift shop, their arms full of flowers, balloons, chocolate and stuffed animals. I put a finger to my lips to silence them as they walked through the door.

I turned my gaze back to Jen, whose lips were moving slowly. Her hand steadily snaked up and touched the gauze on her neck. Her eyes opened.

"Dad?" She spoke

I scooted onto the edge of her bed and took hold of her hand. "I'm here, sweetheart. I'm right here."

"It hurts." She said softly.

I turned to the others. "Aaron, go get a doctor." He nodded and left.

"Can I have some water?" Jen asked, her voice scratchy like sandpaper.

Mike pulled a dollar from his wallet. "On it." He headed towards the vending machine.

My previous assumption that I was out of tears was incorrect. Because as soon as she looked me in the eyes, I could feel a lump rising in my throat. I brought her hand to my lips and kissed her fingers.