You're Not Alone

The Wake of Devastation

(Jen's POV)

The dingy walls of the apartment complex seemed to speak as I traveled down the hallway with Austin. My stomach turned and my palms began to sweat. Why was I doing this?

Closure.

We turned a hallway and I shuddered at the sign on the door. 8C. My old home. I ran my fingers over the plaque, my hands shaking. I took in a deep breath.

"You sure you wanna do this?" Austin asked, squeezing my shoulder.

"Yeah. It's my mom. I gotta do it."

Austin knocked on the wood. We heard banging from the opposite side of the door.

"Who the fuck is it? No one except Travis ever fucking comes here!" An all too familiar voice yelled. My breath got caught in my throat. I shuddered at the thought of my mother's boyfriend, Travis. He did things to me that I still repress to this day.

The door flew open and she stood before me.

Her.

Inches of space separated me from the monster that still tormented my restless nights.

My own mother.

"H-Hi...mom," I choked out.

She just laughed and shook her head. "Why are you here?"

"I don't really know." I answered. "I wanted to see you. It's my birthday."

She scoffed. "You think I don't remember that? We made big money on your birthday. They made you wear a single birthday hat- just a birthday hat. They sang for you. And then they ate their cake-"

"You think I don't remember that?! You don't think I still have every single scar they left?"

"Jenny, that's called love- giving you a dose of the real world."

Tears filled my eyes and quickly spilled over. "When you punched me could you have at least faked a smile? Shown me what "love" is? Could you at least have had the decency to close the door on your way out? Or replaced my broken bones? Before you left, could you have called for help? Or just left me for someone else? Before you left, could you have cleaned up all the blood? Or would you tell me you "loved" me and then done everything once more?" I felt Austin begin to stroke my hair as I continued to cry. "Nothing will ever be able to remove the memories of you. The purples and blacks and blues were temporary but you have burned your initials onto my heart, claiming me as if I were yours rather than my own. You don't know what love is and you never will. How do you find this amusing? My skin isn't canvas so why did you paint it with bruises? Their hands aren't paint brushes so why did you let them caress me? I remember screaming at the moon asking why, but I never needed to know why. I needed to know how to leave." I sobbed a bit, my body shaking. She just stared with a smile. "I've cried a thousand tears. You told me to cry a river and so I did. I cried out all the memories that constantly dug into my skin. An anchor drags me down to the ocean floor and your current surrounds me, refusing to let me breathe. You drown me in the lies and the thoughts and the mere image of you. Your words pull me farther and farther down into the river of my own tears and the anchor of your "love" weighs me down lower and lower. I hit rock bottom. Was it fun watching me drown? Was it worth my suffering? Was it worth your time?"

She leaned closer to me her lips inches from my ear. "Of course it was fun. Why do you think I sent Travis to visit you last week?"

I stopped breathing. Everything began to make sense.

I knew I recognized the voice on the night I was shot. It wasn't just some random occurrence. It was my mother who orchestrated it all. She was the reason Alan was almost killed.

I felt sick to my stomach. I began dry heaving and was silently grateful I'd been too nervous to eat that morning, because chances are I wouldn't have been able to hold it down. I fell to my knees, hugging myself as I cried on the ground.

Austin turned red and shook with anger. He slammed his hands on the doorframe, his face now inches away from my mother.

"You're a bullet through a flock of doves." He hissed through gritted teeth. "You've stolen the purity of such an innocent creature and replaced her delicate heart with blood stained chaos. You've shot her down, you've shot her down, you've shot her down. She's left behind scared and in pain. People walk by without care and only stare. All you've given her is blood." He shook his head and snarled. "And, bitch, it's time you've had your own flood of what you call "love.""

Austin placed his hands on my arms and helped raise me to my feet. I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his side.

We rushed out of the complex and back into the rental car, locking the door. Austin quickly pulled out his phone and dialed 911.

"My name is Austin Carlile. My daughter Jen and my friend Alan Ashby were jumped last week in an alleyway in Orange Country California. We believe we have identification of the man who shot Jen and the woman who premeditated it all."

I held my head in my hands, trying to catch my breath.

"The woman is Luiza DeMattos and the man is Travis Hopsin....yes...of course...thank you." He hung up the phone and shifted in his seat to face me.

"They're looking for Travis right now. They're both going away for a long, long time."

I shook my head and closed my eyes. "Can we please go home?"

Austin nodded and began to drive towards the airport.

Attached is a photo of Jen's mother (Rosario Dawson as Apple's mother in Gimme Shelter).

Chapter song: Iridescent by Linkin Park (covered by Gavin Mikhail).

Love you!

-Gracie