You're Not Alone

Someday We Will Foresee Obstacles

(Austin's POV)

The fluorescent white lights of the waiting room burned holes through my eyelids. The heavy odor of cleaning supplies and melancholy snaked up my nostrils. The hospital scene was one I was becoming all too familiar with.

I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that my own daughter had tried to kill herself. How could I not have seen it coming? How could I have left her alone after the night she had?

My body kept telling me to cry, and I wanted nothing more than to cry, but I couldn't will the tears to come out of my eyes. The lump in my throat just sat there. I couldn't tell if I was numb or in shock.

I looked over to Alan, blasting music in his ears and rubbing his temples. The sound leaked through the earbuds and filled the otherwise silent room. I wondered what kind of thoughts were racing through his head. I had no intention of ever finding out. He had been the one who found Jen on the bathroom floor. How do you just talk about something like that like it's nothing?

I stared down at the evaluation sheet I had to fill out and twirled the pen in my hands. How many doctors had to know about Jen's past before she was 18?
I scribbled down her conditions, the dragging of the pen along the paper sounding heavier with each motion of my wrist.

Phil and Tino returned, carrying a tray from Starbucks. I took a sip of the coffee, not bothering to blow it or wait until it cooled down. The hot drink burned my tongue and the roof of my mouth. At least I knew that I still had feeling.

Michael and Tyler were the only ones from Issues who'd showed up. I wasn't upset about it. We didn't need that many people hounding over Jen when she woke up. And I knew that she hated the attention.

I wanted so badly to feel contempt for Mason, to despise him. But I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to hate him. The whole incident was his fault, but I just couldn't. I guess the happiness he'd given Jen was burned into my memory even more so now.

I knew Jen would be okay and I didn't have to convince myself of it. Yes, she swallowed a lot of pills, but Alan got to her in time and the doctors were able to pump her stomach and revive her. I knew she was fairly stable. Yet I was still so god damned afraid.

"Jennifer Carlile?" A voice called. I looked up to find a pediatric nurse holding a clipboard.

I slowly rose to my feet and lazily began to walk towards her, each step slower than the last. It was as though my feet were made of lead.

"Jennifer is responsive. We got the contents of her stomach out of her and everything should be out of her system." The woman said, forcing a smile. At least she was trying.

I made the long walk down the brightly lit hallway to Jen's room.

The first glance I had at my daughter as I walked into was one I'll never forget. She was watching SpongeBob, smiling. She was smiling. I had to grin too.

"Hey, pumpkin." I said, striding towards her.

"Hey, stranger." She replied, sounding pained. She was probably still a little dazed.

We didn't talk about what she did or why she did it that entire time. To be completely honest with you, I don't even think she knew why she did what she did. Jen always was one to act on emotions rather than thought.

I still itched for an explanation; a reason as to why she tried to leave this world before her time

But I don't think I'll ever get one.

•••

I'm back, bitches.

Hope that you're all still here after that break. I was able to catch up on some things in my personal life and think up some new ideas for this story. But now I'm back and ready to go.

I know this chapter was super short and slow, but I need to ease back into writing. So bear with me.

The song for this chapter is Obstacles by Syd Matters. I heard it on the game Life is Strange and now I'm addicted. It might even be my favorite song at the moment. Give it a listen. You won't regret it.

Feels good to be back.

-Gracie