TIFFIN 2

64

As I began to slowly put the pieces together, I eyed Hero warily, drawing my knees to my chin.  

"Wait," I murmured, "Did you... enjoy having control over me?" 

My eyes teared up as I waited for his answer. All of this was so twisted.

It wasn't exactly a secret what his grandmother had done to him, but the fact that he'd imagined me in that compromising position. 

Hero drew his eyes towards the ground, guarding himself. 

"Kristina, I'm a wastrel of a person. After hearing this, you should have been running by now."

I turned away from him, coming to a realization. I'd only known this man for a short time and I didn't know much about him. 

Issues reared their head as time went on. Life was like a rollercoaster with him and now I knew for certain he had a dark side to him. 

This kink was far beyond comprehension. This wasn't something I could hope to fix.

"Why would you enjoy putting me in such a position?" I asked shakily. 

Hero hit his head against the bench forming his hands into fists. 

"It's an uncontrollable need I have buried inside me. You wouldn't understand. I didn't have a normal childhood like most. Diedre took that from me. Sometimes, I want to have even a small semblance of control..." 

I gasped, jumping down from the bench, pacing away. I didn't know what to think of this. He was a good man, he was. It was just clouded with a painful and traumatic upbringing. 

I knew I'd loved him since meeting him and I still did despite all he'd told me, but I needed to run for just a minute to escape any form of responsibility. 

This was all too much to handle. First the sex tape, now this. He really needed help. It seemed maybe traditional therapy wasn't helping. 

"Please don't turn away from me." 

I swiveled around taken off guard. For the first time in my life, Hero was at my mercy, sounding broken beyond repair.

It was like he were afraid I was about to jump in his car and head out of state. 

"You left me once and it broke me as a man," he went on, "please don't go. I know I'm a fucked up person and it's so much to take in-" 

"Yes, you're right." I said, drawing in sharp breaths and pulling at my hair. "This is so much to take in. Have you ever considered talking to a shrink? I'm sure they'd be glad to give you a consultation... this is so messed up."

"I know," Hero breathed. "I know it is. You have me at your beck and call, Kristina. I realize how much I've kept from you. Anything you want to know, I'll be honest about here and now. Whatever I need to do to make sure you won't abandon me." 

I sighed.

"Hero, I promise I'm not going anywhere. I don't think you've realized it, but I can't do this crazy thing called life without you. But honesty is one thing we need to stop skirting around." 

He took ahold of my face tenderly. 

"I agree. What do you want to know?" 

I kicked at the gravel trying to rack my brain. 

"Have you... imagined me this way before?" 

Hero screwed his eyes shut. 

"Yes... I have a few times, but... I try to divert my past from our time together. It means more to me than you know." 

I bit my lip, nearly causing a bruise. 

"Have you... done this with other girls?" 

Oh god. Had Kylie been a victim to this?

Hero nodded. "Yes. For a few years now." 

I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. He was baring it all to me, but it didn't stop my heart from leaping.

This was toxic. Way too toxic. 

He was right. I should have been running away. It was the smart thing to, but I couldn't. None of this was his fault. 

He'd been an innocent that had his childhood stolen. If I had been struggling with the same thing, he would have stayed. 

That's what people who loved each other did.

Hero visibly shook. 

"I'm a disgusting waste of space. I really don't understand how you can continue to love me. I can't let you go, but if you really want to, I can't stop you..." 

I watched as his eyes turned turned glassy. 

I huffed in annoyance. 

"God damn it, Hero! Didn't you listen to anything I said? I'm not leaving, I'm not going anywhere! How many times do I have to repeat it? I will stand by your side while you get the help you need, but don't expect me to not need a break." 

Hero sniffed. 

"Just understand that I'm terrified right now, Kristina. I feel as if you could disappear at any moment. There's so much we haven't done and for me to have ruined that-" 

I didn't allow him to finish. There were about a million thoughts running through my mind. I had to voice my concerns.

"What's your view on marriage and the whole... white picket fence? I know it's weird to be asking this but I need to know." 

Hero huffed. 

"Kristina, you and I have only known each other for six months. You know I love you, but that type of life isn't something I could do. I'm too damaged, too aware of the fact I could never supply you with the life and family you deserve."

This fact hurt me, but I accepted it. He was much too hard on himself and I hoped with everything in me that there was a chance things could change in the future. 

"I don't care." I admitted. "I'm willing to take whatever you can give me." 

Hero expelled a long breath, gathering me in his arms. 

"Don't think too much about this." 

I shoved at his chest. 

"I need to take a break. I need to get away for a minute." 

Hero ignored my pleas, pulling me back towards him, framing my chin. 

"Please. Don't go. I need you here. I want us to sit and just talk. I want to hear more about your childhood. It's about time I got to know the real you." 

I grinned. "You mean that?" 

Hero pressed his lips to mine briefly. 

"Every damn word. Maybe we can even watch the sunrise. Only for you would I do that."