ftm reader x various oneshot book

overhaul///"gloves"

——This is a crack fic. Sorry if you're allergic to latex ✌️————

ToastyBaconBits ?..I know you said Chronostasis and Overhaul when we talked about this, but I mean..I could not resist the allure of writing another x reader one shot. Sorry not sorry 🤷‍♂️

"Hey, Kai?" (Y/n) asked.

"Yes?" Kai responded, not looking up from his work but letting (y/n) know he was listening.

"So I made a bet with Hari..."

"Nothing good ever begins with the words 'so I made a bet with Hari,'" Kai responded with a sigh. "Just what kind of bet have you made?"

"Well, we were talking about your general sexiness, y'know, like we normally do, and then we got on the topic of your gloves. And so then he says, 'I wonder how many gloves somebody could wear at once?' And so the battle began. We were shooting off numbers left and right until he decided one could wear 20 gloves per hand, and I called him a pussy and said a real man could wear 25 gloves per hand. He told me to prove it and, in exchange, I would receive a crisp, fresh-off-the-presses, probably illegal, five dollar bill."

Kai stared blankly at his boyfriend for a bit before saying, "(Y/n). That is perhaps the most ridiculous thing you've ever said to me."

"You're damn right it is! So, will you do it?"

"Will I do what?" Kai asked warily.

"Will you put on as many gloves as possible? Then Hari will have to pay up!"

Kai sighed in disappointment. "Why can't you put them on?"

"You're already wearing a pair, so you only need 24 more!" (Y/n) answered, sounding like he genuinely thought this to be a normal everyday thing.

"Fine. You're lucky I don't kill you," Kai told him, opening the desk drawer where he kept his gloves. He pulled out a box, holding them out to (y/n). "You'll probably have to help," Kai said, sounding like help was the last thing he wanted. (Y/n) grinned, pulling a big wad of gloves out of the cardboard box, savoring the familiar smell of latex. 

"Ah, I love the smell of latex," (y/n) mused. "Smells like love and a FUCKING FIVE DOLLAR BILL!" He then proceeded to tug the gloves onto Kai's right hand, one at a time, gently so as not to hurt the Yakuza leader. At fifteen gloves, Kai told him, "These gloves are getting pretty tight..."

"You're almost there!" (Y/n) sang. He kept putting on the gloves until finally, "YES! YEEEEESSSSSSS! TWENTY FIVE GLOVES BIIIITCH!" (Y/n) scrambled to the door, shouting, "YO HARIII! GET YOUR ASS IN HERE, BITCH BOY, BECAUSE YOU OWE ME A FIVE DOLLAR BIIIIILLLLLL!"

Hari entered the room to see Kai looking deeply distressed. "You both suck," Kai said, glaring at the two idiots.

"Well hot damn, I guess you were right, (y/n)," said Hari, "but we'll have to take them off and count them if you want the prize money."

"(Y/n), what do you even want five dollars for? I know how much you make, I'm your boss, for chrissakes, and so I know five dollars is literal pocket change. So why the hell were you so passionate about a five dollar bill?"

"It's not JUST about the money, my birdy overlord," (y/n) explained. "When it all comes down to it, I wished simply for aBSOLUTE GLORY!" He shrugged. "I just wanted to be able to gloat and piss off Hari."

Hari hung his head in shame, as (y/n) began his awkward victory dance. 

Kai, his hand losing all feeling under twenty five latex gloves, was being ignored. "CAN SOMEBODY CUT THESE GLOVES OFF OF MY HAND?" he cried out, sobbing in desperation, as well as absolute horror upon seeing the ungodly movements (y/n) called a 'victory dance.'

Finally, the dance was over, and (y/n) grabbed the scissors to slice through that delicious latex, delighted by the satisfying snip, snip, snip. The gloves fell away and (y/n) began counting, his voice growing louder and more deranged with each number until finally "TWEeEeEnNtY fIiIiIvE!!!" He squawked, throwing the mess of latex at Hari and commencing a second round of the victory dance that inspired Overhaul's depression.

"I'm going to let you morons have your moment," he said, leaving the room.

And thus ends the intriguing tale of the gloves.