The Choice (Steve Rodgers x Reader)

Fifty Six

You guys really love this book, it's so heartwarming!

You were visiting the compound more often now, the flat being too isolating. Steve wasn't complaining, he loved seeing you and the kids. It made him feel like he hadn't fucked everything up and things were normal. But then you'd go home without him and it'd all come tumbling back down.
He watched from the kitchen as you folded the blanket you had used and place it on the back of the couch. Even here, you were tidying up.
What were you going to say? It had been gnawing at his mind for the past week. Why hadn't you brought it up? Was it bad? He could only assume that it was. Maybe you wanted to see other people but just didn't know how to tell him. Maybe you had gone to the doctor and received awful news and couldn't bear the thought of looking at his face when you broke the news to him.
No. His mind was just reeling into that dark place again. You were okay. Both of you were.
Truth was, you had simply forgot. Raising two kids mostly on your own isn't easy. You know that in a heart beat Steve would be back and eager to help, but you wanted him to come back because he wanted you, not just the kids. How could you live a life with him if he didn't want to share it with you?
You look up from your tidying and find Steve studying you. Brows furrowing, you tilt your head in question. He realises he's been caught and plastered his classic smirk onto his stupidly handsome face. You don't say anything, only walk over to him. With a moments hesitation, you wrap your arms around his torso and sigh happily when his hands place themselves gently on your back.
The things left unsaid weren't the only thing eating away at Steve, however. He had something to tell you, something he knew you wouldn't like. But he couldn't keep it from you. "Y/n." Your name swept quickly over his lips and you softly lifted your head, soft smile adorning your features. But when you saw his expression, it quickly faltered. Shit.
He pauses, trying to form words that were adamant to stay hidden. Finally his voice caught up to his mouth. "Fury's put me back on the field."
Your skin turned to ice, limbs stiffening in unbelief from the words you never wanted to hear. Mind blank and expression unreadable, you let go of Steve and turned away from him. Water, that's what you needed. Just a small drink. He watched as you walked around the kitchen and grabbed a glass, as if he hadn't said anything at all. "Y/n?" Maybe you hadn't heard him. The slight quiver in your hand suggested otherwise. "Come on. Say something."
The glass slammed onto the counter, eyes burning into his as you faced him. "What do you want me to say?" You seethed quietly and he averted his gaze. "You want me to congratulate you? Huh? Send you off with a kiss as you go and risk your life and I tuck in our children?"
He sighs and shakes his head. "Like I get much of a chance to do that these days." He grumbles. "You don't know how many nights I lie awake wishing I could read to dot or soothe Joe. Or hell! Just see them!" He argues, changing the subject.
"Nothing is stopping you!" You shoot back, not really sure how a small hug escalated to this so quickly.
"You're stopping me!" His answer shocks you and you take a step back, mouth closing. He quickly realises his mistake and hangs his head. "That's not what I meant..."
You look around as your eyes glass over. "So...this is my punishment? I get to look after the kids so you go and get your self killed, is that it?" You ask, voice breaking a little.
"You know it's not! I didn't ask for this, Y/n!" He yells, wanting this to be over. He rubs his face in frustration and slumps on a stool. You decide to let him talk, mostly because you're too upset to respond. "He thinks because I'm back here, I need to contribute. And he's right, I can't live here and not do my duty." You scoff and he gives you a pointed look.
You shake your head slightly and wipe your eyes. "Then just come back." Your voice cracks weakly and you refuse to look at him. It's almost pleading and his heart aches.
"It's too late. I'm already signed and ready." At this, you let out a sob. Now he felt like he really was punishing you, and he hated it. He got up and stood before you, throat closing slightly at the sight of you crying into you wrist. With one hand on your back, he pulls you into him and you immediately fall into his chest, gripping his shirt as you sob. It's not fair, but there's no way out of it now.
After soothing you for a few minutes, he pulls you back by your shoulder and drops his head so your eyes meet. "I promise you, I will come home when it's over. We'll sort this out, I'll come back to you in one piece and we can live happily ever after." You don't say anything. "Just a small kidnapping, nothing I can't handle." You nod and he squeezes your shoulders. Without a word, you turn and walk away, leaving Steve full of regret.