The Choice (Steve Rodgers x Reader)

Fifty Four

Hello friends! I know I haven't posted lately but my mental health has to come first, I'm sure you can all understand. Never the less, Im so happy to see so many people enjoying this book and eager for updates. It means the world to me that you love this book that started as a small pass time. I'll do my best to update more, but I can't make any promises. Stay safe and enjoy <3.

Sleep clung to you, pulling you in as you wrestled against it, trying to pry your eyes open as you heard the wails of your baby boy.
For a second, you think you see Steve's head on the pillow next to your own, but you blink and it's empty. You hear Dot get up, the familiar sound of her personal "whoosh" as she speeds down the corridor to Joey's room. You hear her coo to her brother and the cries die down. You want to smile at how caring she is, at how she's five and had taken on the roll of big sister so well.
But you don't feel like smiling.
Instead you stare at the pillow, lump growing in your throat as the seconds pass as your outstretched hand strokes it. Grabbing it, you bring it to your chest and bury your face in it. No matter how many times you washed it, Steve's smell still remained and finally, you let out a small sob, using said pillow to swallow the sound from your children.
You let yourself cry for a few more minutes, let yourself pour out the emotions you piled up and then you sat up, dried your eyes and made the bed, heading down the hall to Joe's room. Checking your phone on the way, you note that you only have three hours until you're meant to meet Steve at the compound.
You softly stroke Dots head before reaching down and picking Joey up, cuddling him to you and kissing his hand when he placed it over your mouth. "Who wants breakfast?" Dot had disappeared before the last word even left your mouth.

As always, Dot ran off into the compound to find Tony, like she did every time she visited here. Wanda raced towards you, taking the child from your arms and greeting him, paying you no mind. "Glad I've been missed." You mumble, catching her attention. 

"Sorry, Y/N. It's just I've not seen my nephew in a long time." She defends.

Furrowing your brow, you correct her. "You saw him last week." 

She raises her eyebrows at you. "Exactly! Anyway, I thought you could use this free time that I'm graciously offering to go and talk to a certain someone." She spoke as she nodded her head in the direction of the bedrooms. 

Huffing, you wave her off and start to walk in the direction of Steve's room, you begin to tense with every step that leads you to him.  Finally, you arrive outside his door, pausing to take a breath before you knock. There's a scurry and then a fumble, and finally you see Steve standing before you. He stammers over a few words before giving up and opening the door fully so you could get passed. You smile to yourself as you do so and take a seat on his bed, Steve soon joining you. The air was thick with tension, it reminded you of the early days where you'd both tip toe around the fact that you loved each other, too ridden with guilt to admit it even to yourself. And now look at you, sitting in his room as you think over of you should get back together, something you still didn't know the answer to. 

Sensing that you were being lost to your thoughts, Steve placed a hand over yours, catching your attention and smiling down at you. "You look nice." He simply says and it's enough to bring heat to your cheeks. 

"Thank you." You mutter, looking down at your hands. Steve notices and quickly pulls his away, the lost of contact making your smile drop. "Steve..." You meet his eye and try to piece together a single sentence. You fail and draw your attention to your surroundings, seeing the framed picture of you, him and Dot on her first birthday. "That was such a good day...mostly." 

Steve notices the picture and laughs. "Oh, I remember. God, we were so awkward back then." He smiles brightly at you.

"You say that like we're not awkward now." You point out, best to be blunt in these situations. 

He looks down at his lap and chuckles slightly. "I know. I just don't really know how to act with you at the minute." He looks back up at you. "It's hard, and you know how I feel about you. I don't want us to act like we never meant anything, you know." 

You nod your head a little. "I know." 

Your eyes catch again and this time, neither of you have anything to say. God, you wished he didn't look at you the way he did. Like you hung the stars, like his very existence rested on your decision. It made it so much more difficult to think straight when all you wanted to do was take him in your arms and tell him you loved him. \

You really wished you had more control over yourself, had more steady thoughts when it came to him, but you didn't, and its that very reason that you leaned forward and pressed your lips to his. He responded immediately, placing a large hand on your neck to deepen the kiss, holding you close with his other hand on your waist. Your fists were balled on his chests, top scrunched in them. It felt like heaven, like coming home, but that's just what Steve felt like: Home. 

And just when you got too comfortable, he pulled back and studied your face. Closing his lips, he stroked your cheek with his thumb before letting go of you, the two of you facing forward again. Your heart sunk at the rejection. 

He clears his throat. "I'm sorry, I just..." He looks over at you. "I don't think we should...act on anything until you've made your decision. I just, I can't handle it." He tries to explain and you start to feel awful. You didn't even think about his feelings.

Nodding, you swallow hard and try to smile. "I understand. It's for the best. Sorry." 

"No, no. Don't apologise, I mean, we were engaged, still are kind of." He motions towards the ring you're still wearing. 

"Yeah." You chuckle. Standing, you slowly head towards the door. "I think Dot will come looking for us soon. " You point out and Steve agrees, standing up and standing in front of you. But neither of you made a move to leave, both looking around the room awkwardly.

Suddenly, Steve breathed out a small "oh, what the hell?" And took a large step towards you, capturing you in his arms and pressing his lips to yours in a desperate kiss.