The Choice (Steve Rodgers x Reader)

Fifty Seven

Two in one day I'm on fire

The sound of your boots echoed through the wide halls of the compound, eyes still wet with tears and mind reeling a mile a minute. Suddenly, you stop, spotting just the man you were after. "Fury!" You call, his head turning to find you, expression unchanging. Marching quickly, you land in front of him and try and keep your composure. "What right do you have sending a father on a mission?" You ask, nostrils flaring and eyes ablaze.
Unfazed, he dismissed Hill with a simple nod. "The right of the man in charge. Besides Agent Y/L/N, he isn't the only father on the team. Barton has been on countless missions and has still come home to read his children to sleep." He had a point, but you didn't like it. Obviously, you were irrational with anxiety and sadness, but you couldn't let Steve go. Not when Dot had already lost one dad. You couldn't risk her losing the one that had actually been there.
Taking a breath, you compose yourself and Fury waits patiently as you do, the Director understanding that this situation wasn't ideal for you. "When do they leave?" You whisper, holding back tears. He reaches into his jacket and pulls out a pack of tissues. A surprisingly warm act for the man who always wore a frown. You thanked him quietly.
"Rodgers and Romanoff leave in two days. The mission is a simple extraction, they've done it plenty of times before, they'll be back within three days." He states and you nod.
"Then I think we need to have this next conversation as soon as possible." You say firmly, peaking his interest.

Steve hadn't heard from you in 24 hours. He hadn't thought much of it, thinking you need to cool off. That was, until he saw you in the hallways of the compound, shrinking into yourself when you passed him, as if guilty about something. He stopped in his tracks at the action, growing more confused when you stepped into the conference room where he was heading. Carrying on, albeit very perplexed, he stood before Hill at the entrance. "Morning Captain. It's you're lucky day. You get the week off." She tried for a smile but decided against it.
His eyebrows drew together. "What are you talking about?" He looked last her into the conference room and saw you talking to an eager Nat.
"Agent Y/L/N wanted to take your place. Fury agreed." Steve felt warm, too warm, and stared at you in horror as you refused to look at him. "Excuse me." Hill calmly said before turning into the room and shutting the door behind her.
He turned on his heel and walked away, breath quickening in panic and he had to stop himself, placing a hand on the wall to try and regulate his breathing. How could you do this?
Quickly, he pushed off the wall and hurried back to his room. He made it just in time to release the bile that was rising up his throat into the toilet. He collapsed onto the floor next to it and rested his elbow against his knee, his head against his hand. And finally, here in the quiet of his en suite with only the dripping of the tap to accompany him, he cried.

After the meeting was over, you thought it best to talk to Steve. He knew now, it was only a matter of time before he found you. You tenderly knock on his door, opening it when he doesn't respond, only to see him brushing his teeth. You close the door, pressing your back against it afterwards, waiting tensely for the dressing down that was about to come.
Steve looked at you through the mirror but didn't say anything, instead, just quietly brushed his teeth.
So you waited. Waited as he brushed, as he spit and as he rinsed. As he cleaned his brush, put it back and then marched out into his room. He remained quiet for one more second, and then finally, he spoke. "I'm so mad at you." He states calmly and it's so strange.
You nod briefly. "I know."
He takes a breath and tried to walk around before placing himself before his dresser. He needs slightly and rests both hands on it, hanging his head low. "God, just when things were-" he stops himself and shakes his head. He stands quickly and turns around. "How could you?" He yells and you worry your lip between your teeth. "Do you have any idea how stupid and reckless this is?" He adds and your face scrunches up.
"Yes! Of course I do! But I did this because I couldn't stand to tell Dot that both dads have left because of some stupid mission! You have no idea how hard it was when you got hurt! Having to carry on with our child as is everything was fine! I can't do that again, Steve!" You shout, pleading with him to understand where you were coming from.
"So now I have to wait at home? Preying you don't get hurt?" He asks, almost broken as water pools in his eyes.
You grit your teeth and breath. "You wanted more time with the kids." Low blow, you know.
He shakes his head. How could you say that to him? "What a shitty way of getting me to come back." He grumbles, looking away from you.
"If it's such a burden for you maybe you shouldn't come home when I get back." You growl, heart breaking with every second.
He steps forward, inches away from your face. "You know I want to be there with you more than anything, raising the kids everyday instead of random days in the week. Watching them play and talking to me about anything they think of. But because of this stupid thing between us, Joey doesn't even recognise me as his dad!" A tear rolls down his cheek. "I would give anything to be near them again." He snarls and pokes your chest.
You look up to stop the tears. You calm your voice and lower your gaze to his chest. "Well, move back in. You can have the spare room." Your voice is a tremble and because your eyes won't meet his, you don't see the broken look on his face. Your worst fear was coming true. He didn't want what you used to have, you wouldn't be surprised if he didn't love you anymore. He just wanted to be a dad again and you didn't blame him. Any hope of him coming back for you was waining thin. Or at least you thought.
Steve watched you, hoping you'd add an 'or' to that sentence. Preying you'd look at him and tell him you wanted him, wanted that love you once shared.
After a few moments, he backed away and turned towards his bed, sitting down slowly as he rubbed his eyes. Neither of you said anything else, and when the silence grew too deafening, you left.

Steve only spoke to you when it concerned the kids, what Joey's routine was and what food Dot now hated. But other than that, it was the cold shoulder. You guess it was easier for the both of you if you left without anything keeping you here. But then the day came where you actually have to leave. Steve bought the kids so you could kiss them goodbye. You gave him a soft smile and a small farewell before turning to leave. But then he felt his heart tighten as you walked to the ship and any anger washed away as he handed his son to Wanda, running after you and pulling you into a bone crushing hug. "Come back." He whispered and you nodded against him. Then 'to me' that he almost added lingered in his throat, but was swallowed when Nat called you, demanding it was time. With a small smile, you pulled back and waved him goodbye.
And then you were gone.