The Choice (Steve Rodgers x Reader)

Forty Seven

Wanda rushes forward to take Joey off of you and closes the door, putting an arm around you as you begin to weep.
"I'm sorry." You whimper, wiping at your eyes.
"Don't." She says softly, guiding you to your couch. You sit down and watch as she gently places Joey down in his crib.
She sits next to you, eyes full of concern and eyebrows creased. "What has happened, Y/N? None of us have heard from you, Steve's moping around the tower, you have ketchup in your ear. We're trying not to be nosy but it must be bad if you've kicked him out." She points out and you think it's funny, although you don't laugh.
You shrug and manage to calm your small sobs. "I kissed Bucky." You whimper, eyes covered by your hand as you steady your breathing.
She's silent for a few moments. "Oh god." She says, and when you look at her, she's staring off, almost in a trance.
You sit forward and shake your head. "I was just so ashamed, I had to tell Steve and he didn't take it well. He wouldn't even look at me and when he did talk to me it was so cold." You try to explain.
She looks at you in confusion. "So why is he at the compound? Did he just up and leave?"
You shake your head quickly. "No. I told him to take some time and think about what he wants to happen. I didn't think it would be this difficult without him tho." You admit and a hand is placed on your back.
She soothes you for a moment. "Why didn't you talk to me? I thought we were best friends? You can tell me anything." She reminds you.
You nod once. "I know. I was just too ashamed. I didn't want you guys to think badly of me." You say, voice cracking. She shakes her head, silently telling you that could never happen. You sigh and put your head in your hands again. "God. It's all so messy. And now Joey won't settle, and my 7 year old is going through her teenage angst now." Wanda laughs a little and asks why.
You didn't know why you thought you couldn't talk to Wanda. She loved you more than anything and it felt so good to talk to someone without judgement. She didn't even ask why you kissed Bucky, just how everything was now.
And after you explained how badly Dot was behaving, she gave advice as best she could.
But once it had gotten too late to walk home, and too late to get a cab, it was decided she'd stay the night, next to your side in bed incase you felt the need to weep.
But for the first time in a while, you didn't cry yourself to sleep, and Joey seemed to sleep through the night, and Dot was being good.
And even then, when things were calm, it still hurt.

Steve found his phone under the sink. Of all places. It was clear he hadn't lost it, but it was here now, and he could finally call you.
It rang for a while, and to Steve it felt like a million years before he hears your voice, and it immediately soothes him.
"Hello?" Your voice is hoarse, strained almost, and he can head squealing in the background. Probably Dot.
"Y/N." He says, almost breathing your name out. "How are you?" It's awkward and he doesn't really know what to say.
There's a pause. "You haven't called in over two weeks." It's blunt but Steve knows he deserves it.
"I lost my phone." He chuckles, hoping to lighten the mood.
You pull a face, but you know he can't see it. "And you couldn't use another one? You haven't even been round to see the kids." Your voice is weak, and it bothers you. Wanda watches with concern from the living room. She had been your rock these past few days.
He stutters a reply. "I-I didn't know if you wanted me there. And I thought the kids would be fine with you. I trust you." Wrong move Rogers.
"Oh, you trust me? With my own children? Where was that trust before you left?" You rub your head, hoping to ease the stress. "I get you're mad at me, but you could at least call for the kids sake. Dot misses you. She's not stopped being naughty since you left." You say without thinking.
"Yeah, well like I said, I didn't know if you wanted me there. Is the line going dead or are you just ignoring me?" He spat, not being able to control it anymore.
"That's rich." You snarl and a quick look from Wanda reminds you to calm down.
You take the call into a quiet bathroom. But it wasn't worth the walk, he's quiet on the other end.
You were scared of his response. "Maybe this call was a bad idea." He says quietly and your eyes well immediately.
Silence.
Had it really come to this? You couldn't even call each other without attacking each other? Why had you snapped at him straight away? You put it down to tiredness and stress.
Your lip trembles. "Steve?" You check if he's still there.
"Yeah." He sounds tired.
You swallow. "I've really lost you, haven't I?" You ask, and it's almost a squeak at the end as you try not to cry.
Steve's taken back by the question. He doesn't know how to answer. He tries to think of something, but he can't. He wants to reassure you that you haven't. That he'd happily come home now. But for what? Arguing? Ignoring each other because you've just hurt each other so much? Why would he give you false hope if it doesn't work out the way you want it to?
He hears a faint knocking sound and Dot calling for you. "Is that daddy?"
"I think Dot wants to talk to you." You say glumly.
He clears his throat and nods. "Okay."
You don't say goodbye to him, only hand Dot the phone and he tries to listen to her excited ramblings, but all he can think about is you.