The Choice (Steve Rodgers x Reader)

Forty Nine

After you had cleaned your face and brushed your teeth, you joined Steve and Dot in the living room where she was showing him her new favourite books on dinosaurs. Steve's head perked up and his eyes met yours as you leant against the doorframe. And in the first time in what felt like forever, he smiled at you.
He had such a beautiful smile. Back in the days when it was easier, his smile had always made your heart swell. And maybe things were turning around. Maybe it was getting easier, because your cold numb heart nearly jumped out your chest, and you couldn't control the smile you gave him in return.
You walked over and joined them, putting yourself to the left of Steve and looking towards Dot. "How about you show daddy your impression of a T. rex?" You asked her and her face lit up.
You looked to Steve and he laughed at it, turning to you after and smiling even more. Somewhere in his icy blue eyes, deep within them, was still that spark. And you were sure that if he looked into your eyes enough, he'd see one too.
"Do you want to stay for dinner?" You ask quietly, not wanting Dot to hear as she gets out her toys.
He nods softly. "I'd love to. And I'd like it if we could talk too. When they're in bed. If you're okay with that." He almost whispers and you nod.
It's a good moment of silence as you look at each other, but Wanda's footsteps pull you apart and Steve is quickly handed his son.
"There's my boy!" He exclaims and hold him against him. "He's gotten so big. Growing quickly." He says, a hint of nervousness in his voice.
"He gets that from you." You smile and he lets out a chuckle.

Wanda has gone home after helping you clean up after dinner. You couldn't thank her enough for what she had done, and all her support. But this bit you needed to do alone.
You had watched as he put Joey to sleep, and then read Dot a story. It made you think of when your were together and he'd insist on doing the bedtime routine every night.

He joined you in the kitchen, the farthest room from the kids bedrooms and he leant against the counter next to you.
It was silent for a moment. "Thank you for today." He struggles to get the words out.
You shrug. "You don't need to thank me. They're your kids." You say, almost glumly.
He shakes his head. "Not for the past two weeks they haven't. God, I can't even think how hard it must have been." He sighs, rubbing his head.
You shrug again. "I won't lie. If Wanda wasn't here I...I don't know. I think I would've had a meltdown." You admit. "Dot was acting up all the time. She still does when it's just me and her. She thinks I'm the reason for you going away." You say, almost expecting a snap back from Steve.
You look at him expectantly but he shocks you. He hadn't moved his hand from his face, not an inch, because he was covering his eyes. "I know you expect me to argue, but I'm done with being petty and pathetic." He whispers. "I don't blame you. This is all on me."
You don't know how to answer. You don't even know how to comfort him.
He removes his hand and his eyes are red. "Im so sorry. But I guess that's not enough to make up for everything I've put you through, overreacting, running away, arguing all the time and blaming you. I just-" he shakes his head and breathes. "God it's going to sound so stupid when I say it out loud but...with dot it's like it didn't matter what I did because she wasn't mine. But with Joey, it seemed like I had all these expectations, all these things I had to be to be a good dad. And Dot adored Bucky straight away. She loved him without even questioning why he wasn't there all her life. It made me so...jealous? I guess. Why did he get to be forgiven so easily for that? And I guess when I found you kissed him, I thought you had as well. And what if, when Joey grew up, he did too, and you all just wanted him instead of me." He finally finishes and you can see how the weight physically comes off his shoulders.
You're gobsmacked. You don't know what to say. What do you say after that? "Steve-"
"I know." He breathes out and finally looks at you. "It was a stupid kiss. And I was even stupider for letting you go so easily. I mean, I had everything I could have wanted, and look how quickly I threw it away." He looks so remorseful. You just want to hold him.
You sigh and rest a hand on his arm. "You should've talked to me. You're a great dad. I mean. The kids literally acted up more every second you weren't here. Dot missed you, Joey missed you....I miss you." You add softly. "Why didn't you just talk to me?" You choke out. Because if he had, this might not have happened.
He immediately pulled you into his embrace and you began to cry. It's what you were good for nowadays. He sniffles himself and you wrap your arms around his waist. "I don't know. You just seem like such a natural. I thought I would let you down by showing any doubts I had." He rests his cheek on top of your head. "Turns out I let you down by keeping them to myself."
You hold each other for a while. It's nice, being back in his arms. "I don't forgive you yet." You whimper.
He nods and closes his eyes. "I didn't expect you too. Just know, whatever you chose, I'll work with it. I'll still love you either way, and I'll support you no matter what." He confines and god, why did he have to make this decision so much harder?

Dot watched from the hallway, studying how her parents her clinging on to each other for dear life and sobbing their socks off.
She felt bad. She didn't mean to make her mom so upset, she just missed her dad. If she was honest, the child just wanted her parents back together. She thought if she had been naughty enough, Steve would come back to tell her off and in doing so, get back with you. But of course not. Nothing really ever went the way you wanted them, did they?