LOVE IS GONE - is this an end for us? (junkyu x reader)

53

“Sit down, Kyu” you tell him as you put down one mug on the table. You sit on the edge of the sofa to give space between you and him, your hands are tightly holding your mug.

Junkyu perks up at the mention of his name. Oh, how much has he missed it coming from your mouth. He never realizes how dull his name could be when it’s not you saying it, doesn’t realize how the sound of his name is beautiful only because it comes from you.

“Have you… been well?” he asks lamely, fidgeting in his seat. How can you be well when he hears jihoon checking up on you at least once a week?

“Just okay” you answer truthfully. You don’t see why you should lie when you’re sure junkyu can tell right away you’re just barely hanging in there. He seems more or less the same, only okay because he needs to be okay. And yet, you ask back just for the sake of saying something. “You?”

“No, I haven’t,” he says instead, surprising you. It’s not like you expect him to say otherwise, but you have expected him to beat around the bush some more before eventually going there. “I’ve been miserable and I know I only have myself to blame.”

“Are you sure you’re in the right state to talk about this now?” you ask instead. Junkyu seems calm enough, much stable than he was compared to that day, but it’s better to ask than to assume. You don’t need a replay of that day, the sound of him slamming the door behind him as he storms out of your place still haunts you from time to time.

“I… don’t know,” he says in all honesty, you can see him gulping hardly from where you’re at. It’s getting harder not to look at him when you’ve missed him all this time. Yes, what he said was hurtful and it had turned ugly real quick, but you know it was one of the very rare times he snapped out of stress and you were the victim of that.

If you really think about it, you know what you had suggested that time was probably right: that you two probably needed some time by yourself to think and see if the relationship is what you both still wanted. And while you did end up somewhat separating from each other, you don’t mean it like this. Not with a fight and emotional outburst.

“Can I… Can I at least talk first? You can decide if you want to continue after this” he says timidly, finally meeting your eyes. There’s a sudden surge of tears that you try to blink back that very second; he has always been your weakness, seeing him feeling small like right now isn’t something that sits well with you.

You simply nod, not trusting your voice to speak.

“I know I’ve messed up,” he starts, and you can see the way his fingers are digging into his palm. “There’s nothing that I can possibly say that wouldn’t sound like an excuse. So, first, I want to apologize for accusing you that day, for storming out of your apartment and for not apologizing right away.”

“I’ve no reason except that I was stressed and lashed out on you because you were there,” he exhales deeply, frowning at the memories. “i refused to listen to you when you were just telling the truth. That we’ve been too busy with ourselves, too busy to take care of each other and turned our relationship into a burden.”

Looking back at the last few months you spent with junkyu, you knew you had your own faults too prior to that particular day. You knew you had done your fair share of mistakes that helped building up the tension in your relationship and so did he. It just so happened that he did the last straw, ending it through his peak of emotion when the both of you could’ve just handled it calmly since the beginning.

But you guess being in a relationship with him means the both of you had started to take each other for granted.

Your presence became something so ordinary for him, and his attention turned into something expected for you. It shouldn’t turn this way, but you realize the time you’d spent together has made you both forget that you should cherish each other no matter what.

And you regret that what’s needed was an ugly turn of events for you to realize this.

“The past few months have been hell for me.” Junkyu's been staring at his hands since earlier, he’s afraid he’d cry if he looks at you. While it doesn’t matter for him that you see him cry, he knows it’d mess up the words he’s trying to deliver to you. “I… I know you haven’t been that well. I heard Jihoon calling you a few times, making sure you’re okay. And I don’t want to get ahead of myself and think you’re miserable because you miss me, but I know I am; I’ve missed you so much and there are times when I just wanted to call you and see if you’re okay. But then jihoon suddenly gave me a box of my stuffs and I just… lost it. I refuse to believe you’re finally taking a step forward to let go of me. I don’t—I don’t want to believe you’re ahead of me when I’m still holding on to our past memories with my whole life. I just—”

“Sshh” you cut him off, moving forward to cradle him into your embrace once he chokes on his own words.

You can feel his tears wetting your neck, but you don’t mind when there are tears falling down your face too. You remember how much you cried when you were putting his stuffs together. It hadn’t been intentional, but you were moving stuffs around when you found his things everywhere. Before you know it, the box in front of you is already full when there are still a lot of things you’re yet to put in.

“Sshh, it’s okay, Kyu” you say out of habit, caressing his head as your cheek lays on top of his head.

He tries to shake his head in the little space between your arms. “No, it’s not okay.”