LOVE IS GONE - is this an end for us? (junkyu x reader)

86

hwamin pov

junkyu didn’t want you anymore.

or at least, that’s what you think.

it had been seven weeks since you and your star broke up, and you weren’t even half a step in moving on. you were no longer crying over it, probably because you’re ignoring everything you’re feeling. from seeing him on billboards and hearing his voice on the radio, you just let things pass by you. you thought that if you could ignore it, it would just go away. but it hasn’t.

it was mid-january when you saw junkyu with another girl at the samgyeopsal house near their building. you cursed yourself for thinking that you could avoid him forever as long as you were careful.

the place used to be yours and junkyu's favorite place to eat. not only was the place hidden and cheap, but also the old woman who owns the place adored the two of you. she used to welcome you inside the place and added more meat to grill on your plate. she always insisted on giving you a huge discount because she loved you both very much, so you and junkyu made it a mission to leave a huge tip on her jar every time you went there. and you just missed the place so much; you felt like you needed to meet the old woman again.

and so you sent jihoon a text and asked them if they were around, and he replied that they were taking the day off because they just arrived from their trip to japan. you promised him you’d see him after your errand (a lie; you just wanted to eat at the samgyeopsal house).

the old woman wasn’t at the counter when you arrived; instead, a young man was in her place and welcomed you. but before you could even ask where the old woman was, you already heard his laugh. you could probably hear it within the radius of half a mile and recognize that it’s his. you froze on your feet, couldn’t move, and couldn’t hear anything else besides his laugh.

the place was small, so when you turned to your right, you saw him—them. his back was facing you, and he was bending over the table, letting out strings of laughter with the woman in front of him. the woman was pretty—too pretty to be ordinary, so you assumed she was probably another idol or an aspiring one. and she was laughing with him. you noticed they weren’t sitting on yours and junkyu's favorite table.

“miss?” the man asked, waking you up from your trance.

“i-i…” you couldn’t even say anything, fearing that junkyu might hear you. you didn’t want him to see you in this situation.

and so you quickly walked out of the place, feeling bad about the polite man who worked there.

“don’t cry, don’t cry,” you whispered to yourself over and over again as you walked down the street. “don’t cry, please. not here. don’t cry. don’t cry.”

you didn’t know where you were going. your hands were shaking so much that you knew you couldn’t possibly call for a taxi now. cursing yourself for not applying for a driver’s license, even when you knew how to drive, you let your feet take you to nowhere. you were just walking; you had already given up on stopping yourself from crying because it was all too much.

you only wanted to eat samgyeopsal—simple as that—but the universe couldn’t give it to you.

this was your punishment for being selfish. the stars that lead you to junkyu are giving you exactly what you deserve for not keeping him and treating him right. you couldn’t escape him even when you tried so hard to ignore everything. you couldn’t ignore this—this pulsating but at the same time throbbing pain in your chest. it’s so excruciating that you could feel your heartstrings break and your entire body run out of life. and your heart has grown tired.

you wish you didn’t love him this much.

~~

jaehyuk wasn’t quite sure why you suddenly asked him to have a drink with you.

you were never one to invite anyone to drink. you drank alcohol, of course, but you were never the one who initiated the idea to get drunk.

“please, oppa,” you begged on the phone. “i’ll treat you. i just felt like i haven’t had fun with alcohol for a long time.”

“i’m not sure that’s a good idea,” he answered. “it’s really not a good idea. we can’t be seen out with a woman. you are an idol too remember?”

“that’s not true and so what,” you replied.

“it is!” he said. “you know how it works. even when we’re really just friends, people aren’t going to believe it. just come over and we’ll have dinner. junkyu's not here if that’s what you’re worried about.”

you wanted to yell at jaehyuk and tell him that his friend is out there hanging out with another woman alone and that you just want to get drunk because you haven’t tried that method to attempt and forget the boy even just for a night. but you kept it together and let out a sigh.

“but i want to drink,” you said with a pout as if he could see you. “just this one, hyeokie, please.”

jaehyuk was just sighing on the other line. “okay, sure, but we can’t drink outside.”

“then you can come to my place. take jihoon and hyunsuk with you. one needs to be the designated driver.”

“do you think either of them would agree to be the sober one? i know i wouldn’t,” he replied. “just come over so we can drink with everyone.”

“i don’t think that’s a good idea,” you mumbled.

“junkyu's meeting his old friends tonight; we’ll drive you home before he arrives,” he explained. “and why do you keep avoiding him? it’s been what? almost eight weeks and you haven’t seen each other face to face. you both say you’re fine but you can’t even bring yourselves to face each other.”

“that’s how a breakup works, oppa,” you teased. “but okay, sure. as long as he’s not home, we’ll be fine. he’ll text you when he’s on his way, right?”

“yeah, sure,” the boy responded. “don’t bring food or anything. we got drinks and we’ll just ask for a delivery service.”

“thank you, yoon jaehyuk-nim,” you said.

“ew, don’t call me by honorifics,” he laughed. “see you. be safe.”

“see you!”

you didn’t know what you were doing. drinking at your ex’s dorm with his friends? you were dumb. but the dumbest decisions happen when you were hurt. and you just wanted to feel numb.

you always told the boys that whenever you visited them, they had to make sure junkyu wasn’t there, but a tiny part of you was still hoping you’d catch a glimpse of him somehow.

perhaps you’ll see him tonight.