LOVE IS GONE - is this an end for us? (junkyu x reader)

84

you redecorated your entire room. you moved your bed and table and re-organized your entire closet. but you were still reminded of junkyu because the boy loved your room so much and it had so many memories of you that perhaps even emptying the entire room would do nothing to get him out of your mind.

you learned new recipes and got into baking, but junkyu loved to cook. you kept comparing your kimchi to his, and his tasted so much better. you went out for drinks, but you were too much of a pussy for anything more than that. you can’t socialize to save your life. that’s why you and junkyu clicked so much because he brought out your fun side. now that he’s out of your life, you’re back to your introverted and boring-ass self.

you focused on your work, but everything reminded you of him, you felt lonely.

junkyu was on your skin and in your head and in your veins and it was becoming too much and you knew you couldn’t live like that.

but you had no choice but to endure all of this because he wanted this. he wanted to break up with you because of you didn't deserve him. why did you even think you could easily just forget him? he was everywhere. his face is on billboards and television commercials and variety shows. his voice is on radios and podcasts and online. his scent, fuck, his scent was still lingering around you, and you knew that’s impossible because it’s been almost four awful weeks and surely it was just your imagination. or you were just really going insane.

you wish you could say that the worst part of this is being alone—because your family was in your hometown and you don’t have relatives in seoul and you just want to call jihoon and him to help you out  but you can’t because he’s probably with junkyu and you can’t live with the anxiety of junkyu hearing you talk to his best friends about him.

because the worst part of this all is that you still love him so, so much that it’s physically taking a toll on you. you had no fucking reason to treat him the way you did. your dumb self just got ahead of you and you were just tired of being inadequate. you want to scream at yourself because how do you feel after the breakup? did you feel any less inadequate? you’re still you, only drenched in loneliness and heartache. junkyu would have never let you felt this way. he would’ve held you close and kissed you all night, whispering how much he loves you and how thankful he is that he has you in his life.

but you’re almost four weeks into the breakup and you’re nowhere near moving on from kim junkyu and there’s nothing else you can do besides waiting for where life will take you. wait for the unknown.

~~

junkyu thinks he’s doing well.

its almost the new year and the members were all excited to fly to japan the coming week for a concert and promotions. they’re on their way home from their promotions for the special album and his head was leaning on hyunsuk's shoulder.

the incident from that cold night has been long gone and forgotten by the leader. they didn’t speak for three days after the argument, but they were in the middle of promoting the full album so junkyu knew he had to do something. he couldn’t let his brothers down like that, not when the album was doing really well and they were getting more and more recognition every day.

he didn’t immediately feel better, but junkyu is an aspiring actor, and so he hid his pain and sadness from the world and made them think that the old junkyu is back. the members were reluctant at first, not believing when he announced that he was going to stop drinking for a while and go back to his old hardworking self.

hyunsuk even suggested that he could take a few days off, but he refused and said that he’ll be fine. he even made up a lie and said that if there was one thing he loved more than you, it was working. with a silly joke, the members seemed to believe him. he tried his best to put up a front, and he succeeded because, by the time the year-end shows came, and the company put strict rules and put the both groups sit far away from each other and planned everything so that you guys won't face each other, the members were completely sure that he has moved on now.

everything seemed to work because he even scored a few solo projects here and there. he went to weekly Idol with doyoung and their cats, and he tried his best not to remember the way you were so affectionate to ruby and engdu because the cats loved you more than him. he’s beyond glad of the projects giving handed to him. sure, it’s for treasure's recognition and he will forever be grateful for that, but the projects are really helping him get his mind off of you.

~~

five weeks after the breakup, kim junkyu doesn’t really know what he feels. he knew that the anger has subsided but the sadness is still there. it’s just a little blurry now because he’s been pretending to be all right for so long. he realized one afternoon that he hasn’t cried over you since the breakup, and he was contemplating whether it was a good thing or not. he just let the thought slide before his mind could take him deeper into the memories of you.

“junkyu-ah,” yoshi called his attention. junkyu immediately lifted his head from hyunsuk's shoulder and looked at yoshi. “we’ve been calling your attention for a while. are you okay?”

junkyu quickly plastered a smile on his face and nodded. “just a little tired. what were you saying?”

“where do you want to eat tonight?” the older one asked. “yedam just sent a text on the group chat that he and the rest of the members in their van are really craving for some samgyeopsal.”

the rest immediately debated on whether they should all just agree with the other half of the group while junkyu fake-listened and wondered how long he must keep doing this.

because it’s getting a little suffocating and all he wants is for you to stroke his hair.