LOVE IS GONE - is this an end for us? (junkyu x reader)

91

running after junkyu was even more difficult than you thought.

to begin with, you really didn’t know how to approach him. you knew junkyu like the back of your hand and you can absolutely recite his quirks and the things that make him happy in your sleep. it had been a few months and you didn’t want to remind yourself how lonely those months had been but it’s in your head again. he might no longer be the person you once knew.

you were sure that the guy would be confused as hell when you suddenly just show up at his doorstep and confess the feelings that never really left.

you scolded yourself for taking this long to get up and do something about you and junkyu. regrets and loneliness are the hardest feelings to fight against, and they won over you every time. but this time, you were desperately helping your love win against them. you wanted your love for junkyu to win.

but it was difficult, because even after everything, you knew you were still undeserving of his love.

you spent a couple of days making a plan on how to properly apologize to junkyu. among the list was cooking for him and the boys when you decide to visit their building. because the stomach is the way to a man’s heart, right? (does that really still work?) but when you visited them with a bag full of containers of dishes you made, you hadn’t remembered that he had a hosting gig every saturday. so you ended up giving the food to the members who were there and the staff, saying that it’s your compensation for the drinks and for making sure you went home safely the week before.

you were a hundred percent sure jaehyuk noticed the disappointment on your face when you saw that junkyu wasn’t around; perhaps he chose to keep quiet about it to spare you from embarrassment.

the next on your plan was to send him a text message. but after sending seven messages on different times of the week, you called him and realized that he was no longer using that number. and you were too much of a coward to ask a member for his new number.

sighing, you cross out a few of the plans you came up with from your head.

the thought of giving up dawdled in your mind, but you knew junkuu didn’t deserve that. and so you sent a text to hyunsuk, asking if they had a couple of hours of free time and if you could talk to junkyu.

oddly enough, the group’s leader immediately agreed and asked where he should send junkyu. since you couldn’t ask him to meet outside yet you didn’t have it in you to invite him back in your apartment, you said you’d meet him at your apartment building’s rooftop. quickly bidding goodbye and saying you should expect junkyu in half an hour, hyunsuk hung up.

for a minute, you panicked again and thought about chickening out again because you can’t handle confrontations. your anxiety was bad enough to begin with, and the fact that you were talking to junkyu in half an hour made it even worse.

and so there you were on your building’s rooftop. the universe seemed to have chosen to cooperate with you today because it wasn’t as cold anymore. the setting was picturesque, like it’s straight out of the movie. the sun was setting in perhaps an hour and you imagined that it would set on time—when you’ve confessed your true feelings. you knew it wouldn’t be possible but you couldn’t help but think about a kiss—one that would express how much you have missed each other, and you could see it from a few meters: your silhouettes against the setting sun, your head against his shoulder, his arm around yours. It was perfect, at least in your head.

but it didn’t matter that it seemed perfect or that the entire universe was at your favor because junkyu didn’t show up.

hyunsuk called you three hours later, just as you entered your apartment, apologizing over and over again because junkyu had just gotten back to their dorm and told them he didn’t come and meet you. the leader swore that junkyu told them he’d meet you there and let him stay out longer so you could reunite properly. he promised he’d scold junkyu for making you wait, but you shook your head, unable to say anything more than it’s okay and it doesn’t matter.

the boy on the other end of the line probably knew you were lying. so you ended the call and let yourself lean against your room’s door.

you wouldn’t really call yourself an entirely honest person. of course you spoke the truth when it comes to other people.

you never told them how difficult it was to live alone and have friends outside the group but never become genuinely happy. 

but junkyu… he changed all of that when he entered your life. junkyu made you want to stay despite of it all.

you learned to open up more about your struggles. you had always been the person who left out the negatives of everything, because you always tried to see the bright side of everything. iy wasn’t exactly like junkyu is a pessimist; he’s positive in his own way. but junkyu knew when to acknowledge the dark parts of things. he taught you that your struggles exist for a reason and that you should stop ignoring and lying about them.

junkyu was the only person you ever told about the things you really felt, to the point that at times, he didn’t have to hear it from you—he just knew. but despite him teaching you to open up about your problems, there were still things that you kept from him.

flashback>>>>

“kyu,” you had told him once. “i’ve been thinking.”

“that’s a first.” you threw your pillow at him. “kidding. about what, baby?”

“hmm… us.”

“that doesn’t sound good.”

“if it's about anything negative then don’t think about it,” he answered, pressing a quick kiss on your forehead before turning back to his phone.

“i just told you it keeps lingering my mind. i can’t help it,” you replied.

“you’re staying with me forever,” he declared. “so stop thinking about us breaking up. because the only way we’ll ever break up is if you decide to leave me. it’s all up to you. because i’m never leaving you.”

end of flashback <<<

and you remember thinking… there it is again. the throbbing feeling in your chest. because you knew. you knew you were going to leave him one way or another.

flashback>>>

“but…” he continued. “if you ever decide to leave, know that I’ll be waiting. even if you get lost and it takes you a while. even if it’s far ahead in the future. i will.”

end of flashback<<<

your heart ached differently this time. you heart yearned to have junkyu close to you every single day of your life, to have him tell you about his deepest thoughts, to have him listen to yours, to spend the rest of your days sharing your life with him. and remembering this made your heart ache the same way—maybe even more this time.

flashback>>>

“i love you,” you said after a long pause, deciding to just tell him the positive part of the truth.

" i love you, too,” he had replied, giving you another kiss on the forehead, and oh, the things you would do to feel his lips again.

end of flashback<<<

but you were too late.

he was no longer waiting for you.