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33

Fluffs

Miscarriage

*Joon pov*

Both of us knew what's happening now, I am holding my heart in my palms.The onslaught silence is scaring me, its hurting but I couldn't wail fear of what Jungkook will say or do next.He never spoke anything, he had a stoic face with an indecipherable expression.It isn't like I am having a miscarriage for first time either, every single time I get pregnant it somehow will end in miscarriage.I was never meant to carry my child in my arms nor give my husband the happiness he deserved.I was an impotence , I don't know what did I did in my past life to deserve this.

Every time when I get pregnant, there will be a small hope that this time I can carry my child but the next day itself another miscarriage.I had cried to myself of how unlucky I am to get fake hopes every single time, giving fake hopes to my husband too.As soon as we reach the hospital, Jungkook lift me up and placed me on the wheel chair.We didn't speak anything and it was killing me, and ominous feeling creeped in me.

"I'm sorry but you lost the child" I bit my lips and shut my eyes tightly seeking for comfort and console that never came.Pools of tears fell from my eyes along with deterred sobs, I peeked up to Jungkook in a 'im sorry' manner.

"Namjoon im sorry... but I want a divorce" he said, my whole world stopped spinning.Jungkook was my everything ever since my appa and eomma left me."J-jungkook I a-am sorry b-but w-we can t-try again" I said almost as a whisper due to the lump which was sitting on my throat."How many times more namjoon?!" he yelled causing me to flinch."P-please j-Jungkook I w-will try" I begged, "Namjoon you will try but I am not trying anymore! I am desperate for a child and I don't think so that you can give me that! I want my own biological child namjoon and your just killing the innocent souls!" he spat making air quotes.

"J-Jungkook please.." I pleaded, I couldn't even near him due to the rigid feeling."Namjoon I lost hope on you!I don't think so that you can give me what I want its clear that you have the disability !" he yelled, "J-Jungkook you cant just l-leave me like t-that" I whimpered.All the nurse's and doctor's attention was on us but its my life not theirs I couldn't just let Jungkook go.I loved him too much, too much than myself.

"Namjoon I don't wanna talk about this anymore cause its clearly obvious that you cant give me a child and your not worth of carrying a child in you! I am not taking your excuses cause I am tired namjoon! I am tired of trying so many times and yet your not worth it so i'll send my lawyers...just sign the papers" he said and left.

I hugged my knees tightly and sobbed my heart out, why? Just why? Just because of my inability I lost my husband who loved me to death....perhaps who I love to death."Mr.Kim" I perked up to see a male doctor infront of me."Y-yes.." I whispered."You should take your medications, just don't loose your hope" he said softly but I was inconsolable."I d-don't want take them away!" I said in-between my sobs.There was no point in taking this medications anymore, Jungkook left.

"But mr.Kim y-" "P-please I don't want.." I whispered, he let out a sigh and turned his heels."Doctor!" I called for which he spun around and hummed."I want to do the oophorectomy surgery" I said, there was no need of a womb in me anymore.His eyes widened, "But mr.Kim-" "P-please doctor there is n-no use in having it eaither m-my husband left me and I a-am not worth it!!" I shrieked and cried louder."W-when would you like the surgery?" he asked with a defeated voice."N-now" I said for which he nodded and left.

I was tired of myself, there was no point in me having my womb anymore.Every time I see the dead infant on the doctor's arms I feel like a sinister.I am not keeping them but killing them knowing that they wouldn't last longer in me.My teeth chattered knowing that what I just asked for but my mind asked me to go for it.My very last hope and I am going to kill it as well."Mr.Kim wear the surgery gown" a nurse said and handed me it.With trembling hands I wore it and stood infront of the mirror and stared at my reflection.