I Was First | Joshua Hong

Chapter 13

The sun was already starting to set, and Joshua and I were already in our neighborhood. Even though it was a bit far, I didn't feel that much exhausted. I couldn't even focus on my steps and they just normally did what they were doing because mostly, our conversation just kept going.

"I saw this video on IG last night...", I started, but stopped when I saw him looked confused.

"Last night? I thought you were sleeping."

"No. After that, I couldn't sleep last night so I just scrolled through Instagram, and found this funny video about a dog hitting a bird because it was stealing its owners attention... I wish I could show it to you, I even saved it...", I started chuckling as I remembered that video again.

"Why not show it now?"

"My phone's battery is dead."

"You didn't charge it?"

"Nope. Our electric bill increased drastically last month, so Mom told us to save and charge for only once in two days, and I already did yesterday."

"You should've saved your battery as well."

"Believe me, I tried. I just couldn't sleep last night and constantly got on my phone without realizing that the battery was already draining.", I forged a smile at him, mostly telling him that I really did try and it wasn't easy, when you can easily get bored by not doing anything.

"Why couldn't you even fall asleep, I thought that's your favorite aside from ghosts.", He gave me a judging look and I just scoffed. Yeah, after messaging about those things, he expects me to easily fall asleep?

And right! I have to ask him about those messages he sent me too.

"About what you said last night...you okay...?", I actually don't know how to properly talk to someone going through those, but trying won't hurt, right?

"Oh that, it's nothing. I'm fine.", He smiled but he clearly didn't looked like what he said, or atleast looked like he was okay.

"It's not nothing. If you want to atleast talk to someone about it, I can listen.", He stared at me, but I couldn't read his face, and his stares are starting to get awhile, and I would be lying if I said it wasn't comfortable, because it really wasn't.

He should've told me 'no' or tell me that I wasn't the person he wants to talk about his matter, not staring at me like this as if he's so ready to kill me.

"I'm sorry Hiah, I know you're going through something too, and I don't want to add up, and all that I told you last night, they're just about... about feelings teenagers normally have."

Can't we go through it together? I understand that he's worried, but he didn't have to say it as if like I'm going through something that is far from my control. I still can and it would be better to help him. He's a friend after all.

"O—Oh... alright..."

"I'm really sorry, and if I tell you, I might ruin something."

"I understand."

Why does he mean? I badly wanted to ask but I'm afraid that it'll just turn into an argument. And I don't want to push him.

We stopped our paces when we got beside the road, there wasn't a traffic light so we have to wait for the road to be clear so we can cross.

All throughout the wait, I remained silent. I didn't know what to say anymore, and I do admit that I'm a bit hurt by what he said. But it was my fault in the first for bringing it up, I guess.