He was trying to make peace with his past.
So was she.
James Barnes and Anastasia Morozov were similar in many ways, and possibly the only people on the planet who understood each other. Both having a past with HYDRA and experiments, being used and...
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bucky
“Feels weird… Picking it up again.” Sam said after throwing the shield to a tree and catching it again. “The legacy of that shield is complicated, to say the least.” He said as he threw it again, this time it came to me. I took a deep breath and looked down at the shield after I caught it.
“When Steve told me what he was planning, I don’t think we understood what it felt like for a Black man to be handed the shield. How could we? I owe you an apology.” I explained and admitted. I passed the shield to him. “I’m sorry.” I was. I think seeing his nephews playing with it this morning finally made me realise that I was wrong about this.
“Thank you.” Sam responded.
“Whatever happened with Walker, it wasn’t your fault. I get it.” Good communication, Bucky. “It’s just, that shield’s the closest thing I’ve got left to a family...” that sounded a lot sadder than I had intended. “So when you retired it, it made me feel like I had nothing left. Made me question everything. You, Steve, me. You know, I’ve got his, uh… I’ve got his book. And, uh…” I pulled the book out of my pocket and played with it. “I just figured if it worked for him, then it’d work for me.” It hadn’t worked, and I missed Steve more than I did before.
“I understand, man. But Steve is gone.” Sam replied, I sighed and nodded. Steve was gone. And there was nothing I could do about that now. “And this might be a surprise, but it doesn’t matter what Steve thought.” He said before he threw the shield to himself again. “You gotta stop looking to other people to tell you who you are.” He threw the shield again and it bounced to me. “Let me ask you. You still having those nightmares?” I took another breath while looking at the shield. May as well keep the conversation flowing.
“All the time. It means I remember. It means a part of me is still there. Which means a part of the Winter Soldier’s still in me.” I responded, throwing the shield back. Why wouldn’t they stop? Ana was able to sleep through the night last night without a nightmare, I knew that because the only times I woke were for my own.
“You up for a little tough love?” I took another deep breath and rolled my eyes. “You want to climb out of the hell you’re in, do the work. Do it.” Jesus Christ.
“I’ve been making amends.” I said, he smiled. He knew that was not what I had been doing. We both did.
“Nah. You weren’t amending, you were avenging. You were stopping all the wrongdoers you enabled as the Winter Soldier, because you thought it would bring you closure.” He wasn’t wrong. “You go to these people and say ‘sorry,’ because you think it’ll make you feel better, right? But you gotta make them feel better. You gotta go to them and be of service. I’m sure there’s at least one person in that book who needs closure about something, and you’re the only one who can give it to ’em.” I hated that he was right, it meant I couldn’t argue back.
