Dazed and Confused
To wish for more than eternity is nothing but a fool's gold. It is nothing but a glowing illusion.
I was half-blind. Perhaps I said it. Perhaps I only thought it. I was a coward, so how could I utter such a thing? It was not his fault that my heart hanged like a withered vine on a rusty razor wire. I could have tainted his face with my pernicious words. Yet I have no right to do so. I could have yelled at him for making me believe in such fairytales. Yet I have no right to do so. I was the one who should be blamed. I thought being his star would satisfy this emptiness inside my chest. I only thought so. He was not Zio to begin with. He was not the person who would care for me. Yet here I was, believing that he would caress and hold me gently, as if I was a lonely home that needed to be inhabited. The words he mumbled were enough for me to savor the ache. How could I feel such an ache when his hands were on my waist? How could I weep in vain?
When I say that he will vanish in my dreams, please let him begone already.
Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ba ako o magpapadakip na lamang sa kumot ng hilahil dahil sa labis na kahihiyang aking natamo mula sa taong lubha kong hinahangaan. Subalit, hindi ko rin lubos na mawari kung bakit sa kabila ng pighati ay marahan kong hinahanap ang munting halimuyak ng isang taong hindi ko naman gaanong kilala.
I must be insane to look for him.
Sluggishly, I allowed my body to explore the zephyr-like hymn of the surroundings; I slowly scanned the place while unconsciously looking for a certain scent. Hindi ko maunawaan ang aking damdamin. Hindi ko alam kung bakit itinutulak ako ng aking sariling isip na tuluyang hanapin ang anino ng taong labis kong kinaiinisan.
Suddenly, I found myself looking for Dos' shadow.
"Alannah," umugong ang malamig na boses ni Bryce sa aking pandinig habang marahang isinasayaw ang aking katawan.
Daglian kong ibinaling ang aking paningin sa kanya. Kumunot ang kanyang noo at nagtatakang tumingin sa akin.
"Bryce?" usal ko na lamang at muling inilibot ang aking mata sa quadrangle upang hanapin si Dos.
"Sinong hinahanap mo?" tanong niya.
Nanigas ako. Hindi ko alam ang aking sasabihin. Nanuyo ang aking lalamunan at tila ba bumagsak na ang langit sa aking mukha. Bakit ko nga ba hinahanap si Dos? Bakit nga ba ninanais ng aking sariling masilayan ang anino ni Dos?
There were a thousand questions I might have said, to approach this confusion in my heart. I have always been so vulnerable to kindness. I often get betrayed because I silently demand compassion from other people. How could I, a person who was caged in loneliness, be able to adore and be adored? A crow imprisoned inside a cage and painted black could never dream of the horizon. Love is luxurious; I am nothing but a peasant. I suppose if I could not do anything, then it would be better to remain blind. I must ignore these feelings. I must not look for him. He was only kind to me out of sympathy. It was all because of his sympathy.
Tumikhim ako at mariing tinitigan si Bryce na ngayon ay binabalot na ng pagtataka at kalituhan.
"Hah? Wala!" I answered carefully as I shifted my gaze at him.
A small smirk plastered across his red lips as he fixed his eyes on me.
"May hinahanap ka," aniya.
Umiling ako at dahan-dahang inilapit ang aking mukha sa kanyang tainga.
"Wala akong hinahanap," sagot ko. Kumindat ako upang itago ang aking kaba.
BINABASA MO ANG
Just a Pain Reliever (Pinili Series #1)
Romance"Why does the candle lose its flame when the wind blows?" It was a question that neither Cupid nor the gods could answer. It was an abyss of bliss. A question that takes a lifetime to be answered. A question that only people who adore each other wo...
