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Agad akong pinapasok ni lola sa kanyang bahay. Inilibot ko ang aking mga mata sa loob nito. I was about to greet my grandmother when I saw something that caught my attention. I stared at my mother's face that was neatly painted and carefully attached to the beige wall. Naagaw ng kanyang maliligayang mga mata ang aking atensyon ko. She looks so happy that even her eyes could boil my blood in vain. Selfish, I whisphered in my head.
"Kumain ka muna," Inilapag ni lola ang isang juice at slice ng cake.
I forced a smile on my lips as I sat down on the dark sofa. I grabbed a white throw pillow and placed it on my legs. I have no time to ease the whimper in my stomach. I could not forget the wound I received. I never thought that this day would come where I would question my existence. The heavens are nothing but a mystery, manipulating me over and over again, making my hopes up. I believed that miracles did exist until this day. I am no longer human; I'd rather kiss the monstrous lips of death than live continuously. I could have pierced my skin with a knife, I could have tied a rope around my neck, and I could have overdosed my body repetitively, yet I did none of them. I chose to live; I do not know why. This is torture. Living without a purpose, I am no hero. Life is a maze; I'd die within its haze.
"Bakit bigla kang dumalaw, Stephie?" nangilid ang aking luha dahil sa boses ni lola. She's my only family. She's the only one who understands me.
"D-Dito na po ako titira," I gazed at her eyes that held thousands of emotions.
"Ayos ka lang ba?" tanong niya. Tumango ako at niyakap siya. Tinapik niya ang aking likod kaya mas lalo akong nagluksa.
I never knew that a simple touch could mend an agonizing memory. I could lie with my mouth, yet my eyes could never hide my plea. I wanted to be loved. The heavens had forsaken my existence; neither of the gods heard my wish.
"You are not fine, " marahan at banayad niyang sinuklay ang aking mahaba at kulot na buhok. Pinunasan ko ang aking luha at pinigilan ang paghikbi.
"I'm sorry," usal ko at mas hinigpitan ang aking pagkakayakap.
Marahil hindi ko na nga kailanman mararanasan ang pagmamahal ng isang ama at ina. Nakaukit na ata sa aking palad na tanging pagmamahal ng isang lola ang aking madarama. Minsan, naiisip ko na lang kung talaga bang dapat akong mabuhay. Madalas ay puro sakit na lang ang natatamo ko. Kaya ganoon na lang ako kung magpapansin kay Bryce kasi hindi ko alam ang kahulugan ng pag-ibig. I needed somebody. I needed someone to relieve my own pain. I never learn. I always hope for affection. I was wrong to crave devotion. I was wrong. I could not get away with the ache. I want to love and be loved. I adore the idea of love because I have never felt it. I am snail on a circle, moving relentlessly in an infinite tragedy.
"Nag-away na naman ba kayo ni Michelle?" agad akong bumitaw sa aming yakap at hinarap si lola. Umiling ako at pinilit na ngumiti. Huminga ako nang malalim. I gazed at her wrinkled face while wiping my tears. I suddenly felt the rush of guilt as I watched her melancholic smile. I dramatically sighed and shut my bloodshot eyes.
"Naiintindihan ko naman po siya. Kasalanan ko po kung bakit kami nagkaroon ng hidwaan," gumaralgal ang aking boses kasabay ng pagtulo ng milyon-milyong emosyon sa aking pisngi.
Hindi ko na kaya pang pigilan ang pagyakap ng mga luha sa aking mukha. Hindi ko na kayang magpanggap na maayos ang lahat. Hindi ko na kayang tiisin ang tanikala ng pighati. Tila ba isa itong patalim na paulit-ulit na bumabaon sa aking dibdib. Nais kong kumawala subalit hindi ko alam kung papaano. I want to go someplace only I will know. I wanted to be heard, but I was voiceless.
BINABASA MO ANG
Just a Pain Reliever (Pinili Series #1)
Romance"Why does the candle lose its flame when the wind blows?" It was a question that neither Cupid nor the gods could answer. It was an abyss of bliss. A question that takes a lifetime to be answered. A question that only people who adore each other wo...
