Just a Pain Reliever (Pinili Series #1)

Chapter 34

The Lamp of His Nights 

"Yes, you may." 

Behold, the night kissed the lips of our souls. The scars within my eyes were drawn softly by the ticking fingers of the stars, begging us to unite dangerously. I knew how badly I wanted his touch; I knew how badly I craved it. The moment his gaze fell on me, punching the sanity out of my rationality, I knew I'd been cursed. And I knew that, for the longest time, the distance between us was never about proximity. He was always close to my shadows.

"Alannah, may I..." he paused for a moment, looking at my eyes, gulping infinitely as if he was in a deep  chaos. My eyes, my quivering eyes, unknowingly stared at his rose-petaled lips. 

I knew what he was meaning to say. I knew what I was meaning for him to say. I knew this was one of my desires—to swim in the fathomless sea of our bursting flames and watch our skin burn against the chain of our tender embrace. 

"May I hold your hand?" His eyes looked at me with an unwavering gaze. I watched him, I watched my world before me. 

"Free falling," I uttered. I slowly snaked the rusty tips of my fingers to his, owning every inch of his palm and silently surrendering my soul to him. His lips slightly opened as he was inevitably astonished to what I did. 

"A beautiful collision," he replied, looking at our hands, almost kissing the city lights draped in the ink of night. Sluggishly, like the pull of waves, he closed the distance between us. 


Frozen, I made an infinitesimal move. I held my breath as if I were about to burst the entire universe. He made a final, deep breath before gazing at me once more. 

"Let me collide my soul with yours," is what I almost heard him say.

And instead of looking upon the night's drizzling ink, his eyes fell on me, as if I were the only mirror ball beneath such stars. And there, once again, unbeknownst to me, his gaze flickered countless times.

Do not stop. Do not stop. Do not stop. 

All I could tell was how scarlet his gazes were. We did not understand the notion of time as though there was never been calendars and clocks. It felt as though our silent glimpses were nothing but pulsating glimmers. More. More. More. There was nothing, not even an omniscient view to voice what we were sensing. Words have always never been enough. He was the ode to my joy, the sonnet of my strength, the lullaby of my weakness. I once feared those warm gaze for I felt it was too gentle to me. And yet, here I am, craving all the benevolence he has, lusting all the kind feathers he has yet to offer, and desiring his soul over and over. He became the summer of my winter-like verse, the autumn of my withering spring. And I adore him for more than what companions have to share. I desire him beyond the eyes of friends. 

"Stars in your eyes, meet me where my skin could feel yours," I uttered, slowly losing the force of each tone in my voice.

It was as if he were a trail that I could follow again. And it was as if sensing his touch was my only refuge.

Beneath the circled lamp's pure glow with the perfectly stitched dances of scintillating bulbs on the howling night, his soft lips of heaven brushed against the tip of my forehead, almost as if he had sown the seed of well-polished jewel. It was a crush of unseen glory, a healing collision diverging all the sanities left in the corners of my wits. 

I know desire when I feel it, and I know the appearance of a gentle gaze when I see him. When the world turned its back on me, his hands and his mellow eyes were always in my shadow. And when I felt like a complete, forgotten rug, he sewed me, covered all the scratches and holes, and made me like a luxurious garment. It was not out of apathy; it was always, always about his desire to adore such thorns as I have. This was not a paralyzing touch, the kind that would make me feel as if I were like my mother, who was in agony. It was more like a phoenix's howl of ravaging fire, somewhat burning and tempting, yet it will push us to fly higher than we were before. And, yes, I do like his lips on my skin. I crave it. I yearn for it.