The Subtle Death
"Dos, thank you sa paghatid," wika ko.
Bahagyang kumunot ang aking noo nang mamataan ang isang kotseng nakaparada sa harapan ng bahay namin ni lola. Napansin iyon ni Dos kung kaya naman hinawakan niya ang aking kamay.
"Let's go? May bisita ka yata?" aniya. Napalunok ako. Sina tita at tito ba ang bumisita sa amin ngayon? Subalit, ngayon ko lang nakita ang sasakyang iyon. Napalunok ako at tumango na lamang.
"Halika na," tugon ko.
With each step we took, an unfamiliarity began to grow within me. It was something strange, peculiar, and somewhat dreadful. I did not know when the atmosphere around us became dark and heavy-something that a vulture could only impose on a dying creature begging for its last breath. For no reason at all, I began to gulp constantly as we approached the door. I opened it and heard a silent creak.
"Allarah, you need to leave before Alannah comes here."
My eyes froze, and my body stiffened. I couldn't identify the rush of emotions within me. It was... scary... and confusing. My heart, once filled with ecstasy, was now shrouded in a thin smoke. Though Dos held my hand, it began to feel encased in a lonesome chill. My soul felt like an empty shell-devoid of anything to cherish or hold dear. Anger gave way to emptiness. I ached like a child yearning for love. Yet, I chose to choke on my words. I held my breath and forced a smile as I looked at Dos.
"May narinig ka ba, Dos?"
Nanlaki ang mata ni Dos. Ngumisi ako.
"Dos?" pag-ulit ko.
"I heard a very.... personal conversation... Ali..."
I smiled. Oh, so I was not wrong? I was not dreaming? It was not a dream... at all? It was not a dream, huh?
"Alannah."
I could sense a hint of worry in his husky voice. Oh, right, beautiful creatures do not mingle with unwanted souls; it would only taint them. Without a single thought in my mind, I looked at Dos. How could his husky voice bewilder my hideous heart? How could he be here beside me when I am this fragile? How could such a fine soul be with me when I am nothing but a broken, living thing?
And finally, I realized... We could never be fine as a line when I am this broken. I have come to understand that there was always a hidden insanity in my soul-that there was always, always anger and wrath that may tear his smile. Would it not be better to push him away, then?
"Alannah?"
This time, an unfamiliar voice echoed. My eyes wandered. Oh, right, I left the door open. This woman, this unfamiliar woman is staring at me with a horror in her face. It feels as though she unveiled an unwanted memory in her life. It feels as though my presence disgusts her so much that her fingers trembled in fear. How can such a familiar figure to me before become a peculiar image? How come?
"Oh my goodness...." Napatakip ng bibig si lola nang makita niyang nakaharap ko na rin sa wakas ang aking ina.
BINABASA MO ANG
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