OBX Imagines

Just A Dream | Rafe

The water ran down my still half asleep body. A shower seemed like the best idea when I first woke up, as if the remains of the dream I had that night could be washed away. But trying to forget about that dream wasn't going as planned, because the more you try to forget something, the more you're reminded of that, a stupid trick we humans can't seem to understand. Another stupid thing we tend to do is allow unrealistic things to dictate our behavior, our look on things, our thoughts... And that's what I hated the most because now I couldn't even look at Rafe and not think about that dream.

We just rekindled our relationship and everything was going great. Piece by piece he was learning to trust me and he allowed himself to speak about what was troubling him. He still hesitated sometimes, afraid of the things that used to haunt him, but I as there to reassure him that there was nothing to be afraid of and that I was there for anything he needed. I still had him.

But now, as I blow dried my hair in the laziest way possible, procastinating leaving the bathroom and face Rafe, who was still asleep in my bed, I was the one afraid. Afraid of that dream that awoke a past fear and was now haunting my morning.

"Are you ok?" Rafe asked as he set down in front of me.

He had insisted on making breakfast that morning after noticing I wasn't in my best mood. He didn't ask questions thought, until now that is. I hadn't said much, or anything really, since he woke up.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You sure? You're very quiet. Not that you're not usually quiet but.."

"I'm fine, Rafe." I didn't intend on it coming out so agressive and, as if old habits hadn't died yet, I immediately regretted my tone, waiting for Rafe to snap at me.

But he didn't, and when I took a glance at him I saw an expression of concern and a bit of hurt in his face.

"Ok. Sorry."

And that was the last thing he said until we finished breakfast.

"So, I was thinking, maybe, we could go to that restaurant you've been talking about and then take a walk on the beach?"

I heard his voice from beside me but I didn't really pay attention to them, my mind focused on the view ahead of us. We were outside, in the backyard, just enjoying the nice summer air. Or at least one of us was. That damn dream was still replaying itself in my head and it was becoming harder and harder to separate the raging Rafe from my dream of the recovering and vulnerable Rafe sat by my side. Everytime he spoke, everytime he moved, everytime he touched me, I had to force myself to not think of the worst, that he wouldn't hurt me. Not like the Rafe in my dream. I tried to keep in mind that everything was fine. He was fine.

"(Y/N)?"

"Hmm? What? Sorry."

"The restaurant you've been talking about, you wanna go there later?"

"Uh, sure."

My eyes didn't met his as I spoke but I could feel his on me.

"You really want to go?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I?" my voice was soft but didn't hold much emotion. No matter how many mines I reminded myself that Rafe wouldn't do anything to me, it still felt like I was experiencing in real life the nightmare that went on during the night.

"You seem a bit off."

"I'm fine, I just didn't sleep very well tonight."

"Did I do something?"

I looked at Rafe from the mirror reflexion and my heart dropped a bit at his concerned features. Glimpses of the night he showed up at my room crying made me mentally beat myself up for being so cold with him the entire day. He already had a lot to worry about, I didn't want my stupid paranoia to be added to it.

"No, no." I turned around to face him, discarding the necklace I was trying to put on on the nightstand "You didn't do anything. I'm sorry, I'm... just being stupid. Don't worry about it."

"It's hard not to worry, (Y/N). I put you through so much shit before and, trust me, I beat myself up everyday for it... I don't wanna do that again. You're always making me talk to you, so please just talk to me too, if I did something to upset you..."

"You didn't do anything, Rafe, I promise." I walked towards him and, trying not to show hesitation, I grabbed his hand, "You're doing amazing. I know it's been hard for you and I'm really proud of you." he smiled weakly, "It's just... it's been hard for me too. Like, I know you're doing your best now and you already overcome so much..."

"But...?" his smile dropped and he silently asked me to continue.

"It's hard to forget the past, you know?" he tried to say something as a panicked expression took over his face and his body went rigid, but I squeazed his hand, trying to calm him down, "And sometimes my mind plays tricks on me and it's not always easy to ignore it."

"I'm sorry..."

"No, don't. I know what's in front of me and I know it's stupid to let these thoughts change my view of you. I'm not giving up on you, because I know you can do it this time."

He nodded and slowly circled his arms around my waist, holding me close to his body in a hug.

"Just tell me when you're having those thoughts so I can show you I'm getting better. I know I fucked up and I know I'm still far from perfect but you help me more than you think."

I squeazed the back of his shirt, as if that would help me hold back my tears. Not even bothering in hiding my vulnerable state, I looked up at him and his eyes were also glistening with tears. Not knowing what else to say to show him I much I need him too, I closed what was left of space between us and kissed him, his grip on me tightening in response. The depressing environment in my room changed into a heartwarming one, allowing me to get rid of all the fears I had earlier. Our hands felt the need to hold onto each other as if one of us would fade any minute, the kiss getting more heated and needy, eager to feel the intensity of each other's touch.

"Would you mind going to that restaurant another time?" I asked when his lips went down from my lips to my neck.

"Not at all." he smiled, picking me up and taking me to bed.