Towards the future I see

Chapter 26 Part 3

Kallus did come to my room, to my disappointment. This meant that Thrawn was right. And yes, he came because he heard of my restriction to medications and that I wasn’t going out of my room.

“Why would Lord Vader deny you a proper medication?” He asked.

“Not all medications. Just painkillers. Anything that could have even the slightest effect on my mind.” I explained.

“Why?”

“B-because he needs me to stay alert all time.” I can’t tell him of my ability. If he knew then he will definitely try to get me out of here. Besides Vader prohibit also mentioning my ability to anyone. It was something only he had the privilege to know.

“There is something you aren’t telling,” Kallus said.

“You really want to go there? Fine. About something one isn’t telling, who was that young officer with you when the shuttle thief escaped detention block?” I asked annoyingly.

“Lieutenant Lyste. Why?” Kallus said ignoring my tone.

“Don’t lie. It wasn’t Lyste. I may forget every officer’s name or face but I remember their rank, that’s one thing they always announce. The one who was with you then had no rank plaque. And the droid with you looked very familiar.” I said.

“Looks like you have a strong guess about it already,” Kallus said with a careful tone.

“It is more than a guess. It was Ezra, wasn’t it?” I said looking at him. “And don’t lie about it, if I learned something from Vader it was to distinguish when someone tells the truth or lies.”

Kallus eyed me for a moment as if measuring my tone and my words. He came to conclusion and sighed.
“Yes, it was Ezra Bridger. Which means that I’m the spy,” Kallus admitted.

“Oh, Krif.” I sighed and covered my face with my hands. “This is a fine mess we have here.”

“No one knows this so you have to keep it quiet,” Kallus said.

“You think? If I already know then don’t you think Grand Admiral could suspect it too. Have you forgotten what he is capable of?” I said very angrily and tried not to shout. Who knows if someone was outside of my quarters.

“If he knows then I doubt that I would be able to be here talking with you,” Kallus commented.

“Because he wants to catch you red-handed and maybe even locate the rebels base through you,” I informed him.

“Alright.” He admitted. “Let's assume the worst. Let’s say he has a suspicion about me and is waiting for me to make a move to contact the rebels. The solution is that I won’t do that. Instead, I’ll be doing my work in monitoring the people living or entering Lothal. If I keep doing that in the long run whatever surveillance he has on me will eventually be sent away.”

“Just like that. You think you aren’t monitored even now?” I asked.

“If you mean the surveillance of your quarters then no need to worry. I turned off the system before I came in.” Kallus informed.

“My quarters have surveillance?” I asked in worry.

“Only this common area. Your personal room and the refresher are safe, for privacy. This is a suite meant for honorary visitors.” Kallus informed.

“My, what an honor,” I said sarcastically.

“My whole reason for coming to see you is because I need you to clarify something,” Kallus said.

“Which side am I?” I guessed his question.

“More likely, do I need to help you defect?” Kallus corrected.

“You know the answer,” I said and laughed a little. “It must have been hilarious to you, see me cry when I was worrying that I had to find the spy and set a trap for him. But he was in front of me the whole time. Hearing what kind of poor attempt of a bait I was.”

“I was not amused,” Kallus asked sounding a bit offended. “How long will you stay here and let Vader or Thrawn pull the strings on you?”

“It doesn’t matter, what happens to me. As long as I’m not forced to give away the information or I don’t have to kill someone, I don’t care what happens to me. If it means being locked up and tortured, or simply playing a servant for fearsome Lord Vader, so be it.” I said feeling the sadness in my voice. Though so much time has passed, it still hurt to give up on hope. But as long as the hope for the rebellion still exists, mine isn’t that important.

“You can’t mean that,” Kallus said.

“I do mean it. When Saw Gerrera, set the bomb on my ship, I was sure that I would die then. I was prepared for that. Yes, I was scared, but at least thousands of people wouldn’t die with me. Lord Vader just happened to be aboard that cruiser and saved me from the cold space. I would have preferred to stay in the icy vacuum of space and die there than one day witness the destruction of everything.” I said sadly.

“Surely, there must be a way…” Kallus began but I cut his sentence.

“There is. Death.” I said. “The reason I was able to live in peace for so long after the Clone Wars ended, was because the Jedi made a report that I had died. The only way for Vader or the Emperor not to come after me is that they either never heard of me, or that they believe that I’m no longer alive. So far, the Emperor isn’t aware of me. He knows that I work for Vader, but he doesn’t know of the knowledge I possess.”

“But Vader knows. When we found you with the rebels, he already knew what you held, since he ordered to keep you alive and well.” Kallus added. I nodded to his comment. Of course, Vader knew. I had told him that myself when he wasn’t this menacing half a man half a machine of a Sith.

“That’s why my only way is to die, or Vader to die. We both know that rebels can’t accomplish the latter.” I said.

“Surely, we could frame your death,” Kallus suggested.

“It won’t be enough to fool Vader. Maybe it will work for an entire star-destroyer crew to believe, but Vader? Do you honestly think that you or any of the rebels can make something that will be convincing enough for Darth Vader to not come after me?” I asked feeling my eyes getting moist.

Kallus simply shook his head. He knew that fooling Vader was close to impossible. The fact that he has been fooling everyone else is because he is good at it. But Vader hasn’t been here. He would have found Kallus immediately and ended him just as quickly. Now Thrawn was dangerously close to revealing his identity as a spy. The reason he hadn’t done it yet, is because he needed Kallus to make the mistake that would lead Thrawn to the rebel fleet. A simple base wasn’t enough, Thrawn wanted all the rebels. And that was what he was waiting for. For all of them to gather.

“If we later find a way to set you free, a way to make a convincing death, will you come then?” Kallus asked after a moment of silence.

“If I ever get free from Vader. I’ll flee to the farther corners of the galaxy and remain hidden till no one even remembers me. I rather not see my friends and know they are free and happy than risk been found again.” I said looking away from Kallus. That much I planned even if the chance was close to none. I know that Vader will die eventually, I had seen it. But will I be alive then? If I am, I will go away and hide somewhere where I can’t be found. Not by the Empire, not by the rebels, not by anyone. Where that is I have no idea.

I felt the tears slipping on my cheek. I had turned away to hide this from Kallus. I can’t let him see that I wavered with my conviction. I hadn’t seen him come close but I did feel him move the hood away from my head. All servants of Vader wore hoods. In a way, it was to hide our faces, to make us less noticeable. The only time I didn’t wear hoods was at parties or events where I had to be the representative of Vader. But every other circumstance, I had the hood covering my head and hide my face. This way people pay less attention to me. And that’s how Vader wants it. For Kallus to simply pull it off made me feel vulnerable. I had gotten accustomed to the protection it gave. Mostly it hid my emotions that were evident in my eyes. But it also gave me the relief that I would be forgotten by others. The fact that Kallus and Thrawn kept coming back and showing interest, was new and made me both scared and flattered.
Now that the hood was off, Kallus saw my tears. He quickly pulled me into a hug and held me there for a long moment. I hugged him back. In a way, I was like him, I was stuck in a place where I would be both prisoner and an ally. I wasn’t alone in this predicament. I felt him press a kiss on my head before he whispered.

“We will set you free one day. Until then just stay alive and well.” He said.
I nodded. I wasn’t trusting my voice now. I was both relieved and sad. He understood my situation, but whether he or the rebels will be able to do anything will not be happening. He held for a while longer till we both let go.

“It will be best that you won’t come to see me again,” I said quietly but loud enough for him to hear.

“It seems that way. But don’t worry, I will look after you even from afar.” He said before he turned around and left my room. I heard something turning on. Probably the surveillance system that he turned off before coming here. I pulled my hood back on and wiped away whatever was left of my tears. My business with Kallus ended there. Knowing he will be watching was reassuring, but I was now also worried that someday Thrawn will catch him. But as of now, it won’t be because of me.