13th Doctor x Reader: Lost

Chapter 44: Reassurance

"Y/n," The Doctor's voice calls, knocking on your door.

You don't answer. You've been in your room for quite a few hours, somewhere between being asleep and awake.

"Are you alright?"

"Mhm." You respond with an edge.

With a sigh, the door opens, letting in a brighter light. You roll over, willing her to leave you alone.

"Was it the nightmares?" She solemnly asks.

You don't want to respond, but you remember your commitment to not worry others.

"You wouldn't actually hit me, right?" You whisper.

That's all you need to know, just to have one safe soul. All you want right now is to have her  back, even if, even though, she doesn't feel the same.

"No! Never!" Pursing her lips in thought, she lowers her voice, "Take my hand."

"I don't want to." You look away.

"Please, I think we all need to talk. Everyone else is in the library."

"Why do I have to take your hand?"

"You are safe here, y/n. I don't know how else to show you that."

You want to believe her, more than anything. You should know by now, no one on this ship would hurt you.

"Okay." You blink back more tears.

Doing one of the most difficult act you've had to do in a very long time, you slowly reach out your hand to meet hers, holding your breath. She very carefully takes it, giving you a reassuring smile.

"There, see? It's alright." The blonde gently responds.

You carefully nod, still not daring to breath. Letting go, she looks at you, concerned.

"Deep breath out." She steps back.

Slowly, you let it go. "Let's go." You agree, feeling a little more secure, you can be safe here.

At the library, Izzy and Yaz look how you feel. Yaz is laying on a couch in a t-shirt and shorts, a red blanket around her shoulders. Her hair is a mess, falling out of a ponytail. Izzy is in an over sized sweatshirt, hugging a pillow on one of the chairs. You take the other chair, the Doctor the only one who looks composed enough.

"I know this experience was very difficult for each of you." She slowly starts, taking a seat at the end of the sofa with Yaz.

You suddenly feel very cold, despite your over sized sweatshirt and sweatpants, and the fireplace.

"But we have to get through this, which is why we're here to talk about it." The Doctor finishes, "Anyone want to start?"

"I will." Izzy whispers. "I saw mum and dad again, telling me what happened to them was my fault for forgetting to lock the front door." She quickly says, falling into tears again.

You never knew how she felt about that, but what happened wasn't her fault. The intruder could've gone through a window, or another door.

"It wasn't your fault." You whisper, "He could've broken in many ways."

"I know." She gasps, burying her face.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you, but we're here now." The Doctor softly says, moving to rub her back reassuringly.

No one had told her what happened to your parents, but she was probably able to put the pieces together, based on what you said and did.

After a moment, Yaz breaks the silence.

"You never came back." She looks to the Doctor, who's face falls. "I lived the rest of my life waiting."

The Doctor looks heartbroken at that. She takes Yaz's hand, giving it a small squeeze.

"I won't have to come back, because I'm not leaving you again." She promises, pulling Yaz up and kissing her.

It's slow, only lasting a moment, but it clearly holds much more than a promise. The Doctor sits down, Yaz's head on her shoulder.

"You promise?" Yaz asks, softly.

"I promise, I'll do everything I can."

All of you know she can't completely make that promise, as some things are completely out of her control. However, right now, that's not what matters.

"Y/n?" The Time Lady looks to you.

You share the only nightmare you think you can share.

"I wasn't strong enough to hold the cyberium. Everyone died and it's my fault." You clench your fists, willing yourself not to cry.

"No, Y/n, I should've never let you do that. Even if you were able to, he would still follow us, doing whatever it took to get it." The Doctor quickly responds, meaning every word.

You hadn't thought of that. You don't even know if you would've gotten away, or how to protect the others there. It really wasn't your fault, but you still feel a little guilty.

"I didn't think of that." You tightly smile in thanks.

"What about you?" Yaz asks to the Doctor.

Being as old as she is, you can't even imagine what she saw. Her face falls, a deep sorrow taking over.

"I've lost so many friends." She starts, "Some died, some left... I saw each of them, the ones who died. They blamed me. I had to relive it, over, and over."

"I know it wouldn't have been your intention." You promise, trying to give her the reassurance she gave you.

"You're not just a good woman, you're an amazing one. You always try to find the good in every place, every person you meet. Sometimes, people make a choice, or something goes wrong, but that doesn't mean it's your fault." Yaz promises, tracing her earring.

You hadn't noticed it before, a chain runs from the top to the bottom, but you're to far away to see what it's connecting.

"Thank you, Yaz." She holds her tighter.

Everyone sits in a somewhat-awkward silence, but you all know you'll be there for each other, despite what comes your way. You even feel a little safer. It even feels a little good, being the one to comfort someone else when they're struggling. You want that to be you, no longer on the other side of that.

"What do we do now?" Izzy asks, drying her tears.

"I say we all get cleaned up, and find somewhere to have a little fun." The Doctor suggests.

"Could we go to a Taylor Swift concert?" Izzy immediately suggests, jumping up.

"I'll keep note of that." The Doctor nods, laughing slightly at her sudden excitement.

Laughing to yourself, you go to your room, taking a hot shower. You like how the water comes from the entire ceiling, sometimes changing colors, as if the TARDIS is sensing your mood.

You change into a deep red top, black pants, and high boots. You feel a little more confident with yourself, despite some days being really bad, and others being alright.

You head to the kitchen, grabbing a small, safe snack, and go to the counsel room.

"A planet, where everything is made of bubbles. They never pop!" The Doctor exclaims, a new aura surrounding her.

"Even the people?" Izzy raises an eyebrow.

"It's not inhabited, barely anyone knows it even exists." She shrugs.

You raise an eyebrow, a feeling of uncertainty at that.

"Alright, then." Yaz nods. 

Halfway around the counsel, the Doctor pauses, a look of darkness crossing her face.

"What's wrong?" Yaz questions, at her side in seconds.

"A distress signal, from a place I never want to go back to."

A/n: I'll do what I can, but day-to-day updates may not be possible, following through next week.