Desire

15

Staring at the ceiling at 1:00 am can have its advantages. Laying here, thinking about all the possibilities, all the ideas, thoughts, chances. Its all their swimming in your head.

I sigh turning onto my side, now staring at my dresser. My childhood room is much too small for me now. I see the faint shapes of the stickers on the dresser. Its been a while since Ive stayed here. In my childhood home.

Ive arrived here in the afternoon yesterday. My mother and father was so happy to see me. But for many reasons I wasnt. I wanted to stay in my dorm, see Louis and Niall. Harry. Thats who I want to see most of all. Theirs a huge hole in my chest from the last time I saw him.

I havent spoken to him since or even seen him. I want to know what he wanted to say. It must have been important to him to come all the way to my door. I sigh and I close my eyes trying to push the thoughts away.

In the morning I go into the kitchen making myself a bowl of cereal as I use to for breakfast and I sit down eating while on my phone. My mom comes out and kisses me on the head.

"Good morning hunny, sleep well?" I nod, not really but Ill lie. She makes herself some coffee and offers me a cup. I take a sip and I sigh. She looks at me and smiles slightly. "So would you like to go shopping in a bit?" I shrug and nod. "Sure" she smiles and sighs sitting next to me.

"So have you found anyone you like?" Oh no, not this. "Yes mom I have, a few" she smiles and her smile slowly fades. "Is it that boy I met a while ago in your dorm? He seems...not right" I huff and roll my eyes. "Mom, hes a nice guy, give him a chance will you?" She sighs "alright. Ok I will" I nod.

Within a hour were both ready and head out the door. The car ride their is silent. I stare out at the window thinking about all the other people out their. Each person has a life, people who care about them. They each have a problem of their own. They each have things to attend to, each person that surrounds me has something good and bad in their life, just like me. On the outside they may seem different.

From the clothes they wear, to the way they talk or act. They all seem different but what it comes down to is were all the same in the inside. Bones and flesh. We have the same feelings. Were so different but so the same. Were all here together on this earth.

Which brings me back to thinking about Harry. Hes so different from me but in all reality, hes just like me. A human thats trying to get through each day. I sigh picturing him at my door again. His face when he was talking, it was....sadness? Caring? I dont know.

We pull into the malls parking lot and park. Heading inside the smell of food hits my nose. I havent been to this mall since a week before I left for collage. It all seems so far away, like that wasnt a matter of 4 months ago.

We head into my favorite store, Forever 21. I look through some wracks as my mother does the same. I guess I do need to freshin up my closet some. Picking out some things I head to the counter to pay.

...

A whole 2 hours have passed and so far Ive bought some shirts, a few shoes, jeans and makeup. My mother is blabing about something about the neighbors but Im not paying much attetion. My phone vibrates and its a text from Niall.

Niall: whens the last time you spoken with Harry?

Me: a few days ago why?

Niall: hes in his room and hasnt come out in hours. He locked the door. Theirs something wrong

Me: did you try talking with him?

Niall: yes at first he was telling us to go away and now....nothing.

I stop walking and my mother looks at me worried. I stare down at the floor. Just the thought of Harry doing something to harm himself kicks me in the gut. Ive lost all air from my lungs. I Text Niall back.

me: Ill be there

I look up at my mom. "Mom, I have to go. Its an emergency" I turn quickly heading for the exit. She asks me a bunch of questions and I dodge them. Grabbing her keys from her I hop into the car and she gets in also.

As I run up to the door I trip and fall skimming my knee. I groan and I look at the damage. My whole knee is scrapped and bleeding. Fuck. I get up ignoring the burning pain and quickly goes inside to my room shoving my dirty clothes in the bag.

My mother follows through and looks at me worried as I pace back and forth throwing my shit into my bag. "Hunny whats going on?!" She shouts and I stop looking at her. "One of my friends are in trouble and I need to go and be there. Im sorry I have to leave. Ill come next weekend. Thank you for taking me shopping."

As I finish packing I give her a hug and I go quickly to the door. "Well tell dad I said sorry too" she nods and watches me as I go out to my car and throws my bag along with my shopping bags into the back seat.

I get in and I pull out quickly making my way to the freeway. All my thoughts are buzzing. Is Harry ok? What has he done? Is this important as it sounds? I rub my face as I drive. I hope he is ok. Harry please be ok.