Desire

21

Zipping up my suitcase, I let out a puff of air. Im done. Ive packed to head to my mothers for the week. Pulling out my phone I see a text from Louis.

Lou: be safe pleaseee

I smile at how caring he is.

Yes louisss, I willl. 

Tossing my phone on the bed, I go into the bathroom and I hear a knock on the door. Going to it, I open it. 

Harry stands at the door staring right at me. "Um...hi Harry" he sighs "um hey" he mumbles and comes in seeing my bag on the bed.

"Where are you going?" he looks at me. I sigh looking down "to my moms" I go to my phone looking at it. 

"For how long are you going?" he furrows his eyebrows. I shrug not wanting to give it all away. He gets up walking towards me, I step back as he does. My backside comes into contact with the desk. 

Harry comes right against me staring down at me. "For how long Sam?" He says looking into my eyes. My breathe hitches in my throat. "J-Just for a week" i can never get my words out when hes against me and staring with his beautiful eyes. He starts to lean in towards me. I want to look away but I cant.

 He stops, looking into my eyes before kissing me. The butterflies fill my stomach and Im once again on cloud nine. He places his hands on both sides of me on the desk and then lifts me up, standing between my legs.

His hands run up my shirt and I shiver from his touch. Ive missed this so much. I feel his hands move higher and I know hes doing this again. I grab his wrists taking his hands off of me. I pull from the kiss looking down. "I cant" he sighs stepping back. "Im not using you anymore." I look at him and he looks hurt and serious.

"I have to go Harry" I mumble getting my suitecase. I go past him to the door and I open the door looking at him. "I have to go Harry" I say once again. He sighs going out the door. I follow and I close the door.

He puts his hands into his coat pocket. "What are you doing for Christmas? Are you just going to spend time with your parents?" I nod looking away. "Im not really doing anything" Harry mumbles. I sigh and I nod. 

"Bye Harry" he nods saying bye to me as I walk away to the front doors. 

---

Putting my bags on the bed, I look at my phone. 

5:36 pm

Going to the kitchen, I see my mom making something. I sit on the stool and I sigh. "Mom, how many chances do you give a guy?" 

She looks at me and puts down the spoon and leans against the counter. "Well do you love him?" I look down at the counter staring. Love him? I nod, I do love him. She nods "well how many chances have you gave?" I shrug. "Too many" she smiles "hun, if you love him, youd give him so many." Pressing my lips together, Iook down.

"But he hurts me so many times and I always give him chances" I huff "I hate myself for it." She comes around the counter next to me and hugs me. "Talk to him about it. Maybe he will umderstand?" I shake my head. Harry would never understand me. Never.

"No mom. He is never going to understand. Even if the world counted on him too" I roll my eyes thinking of his face. 

She goes back into the kitchen and sighs. "Well tell him to listen to you" I laugh. He never listens either. It would be a miracle. 

---

Ive been here for two days and I havent really done anything. It hasnt stopped snowing. Me and my mom are now driving back from the mall. We pull in and I see a familiar car on the side of the street. Getting out, grabbing my bags, we head inside. Freezing in my spot, I see my dad and Harry sitting on the couch watching tv. 

They both look at me. "Harry....what are you doing here?!" He stands and comes to me. "I wanted to see you" he mumbles. "Could we talk?" I look away and I see my parents staring. Grabbing his hand, I go to my room closing the door.

He looks around and grins "nice room" I roll my eyes "thanks" I mumble and I sit on the bed. He goes to my dresser and picks up my earring box, looking at it. "You know...the last time I was here, I had to rush to you, to see if you were ok" I look down twiddling my thumbs. He lets out a loud sigh and takes a seat next to me.

"I wish you didnt leave me there at the hospital" he says looking at me. "Why are you really here Harry?" I look at him, meeting his eyes. He looks down and shakes his head "because....I really dont know." Crossing my arms, I look anywhere but at him.

"Sam" he turns to me "look at me. What I have to say is hard for me" I look down then I meet his eyes. "I...I um...well" he gets up and paces. I scoff and I get up.

"I dont have time for this" I go out the door going to the family room, sitting next to my mom. I have all the time in the world for this but not for him. He follows but sits on the other couch.

---

After we eat I go back into my room closing the door on Harry as he follows. He opens the door "ok look, I didnt come here to be ignored and have doors being slammed in my face" he runs his hand through his hair. I cant help but not stare at him. 

He closes the door and looks down then at me. "Well what are you doing here?" I scowl at him. As he makes his way over to me, I stand. "Honestly Harry, tell me why your fucking here?!" I raise my voice. 

He huffs "I came here to see you!" I roll my eyes. "You and I both know thats bullshit!" I shout "no it's not!!" He shouts back. "Your probably here to fuck me and leave again!!" I yell "no!!" He throws his hands in the air. 

"Then tell me why your here!" He doesnt say anthing back. "Tell me Harry" he just stares at the ground. "You know what Harry. Just go!" he lets out a sigh "Im serious Harry jus-"

"I love you" he interupts me. I stare at him stunned. "W-what?" "You heard me Sam" he mumbles. I rub my face looking down. I want to believe this. I do but I fucking cant.

Because this Harry. That stands in front of me. With his hair wild, in waves and his tall frame. With his black tattoos that peak out from under his clothes. His lip ring that he ocasionally takes between his teeth that drives me insane. This Harry. That has me go insane often. Isnt the Harry that could ever love me. 

Even if I wanted it to be true. It would never be. "No you dont" I mumble as I look up to meet his gaze. His eyes are glossy and his lips are set to a soft form. They are always so pink. I look away not wanting to get caught in his gorgeous eyes. 

"Sam" he says softly and I shake my head rubbing my arms not wanting to say anything. Ive been dying to hear those words come from him but he does not mean it. 

Because Harry doesnt know how. Maybe he doesnt even have a heart.