Loop (Sequel to 'The New Normal')

Linda

,,It appears we still have quite a lot to work on."

Linda nodded knowingly. ,,Yeah, I think so too..."

Lucifer slowly raised his head and carefully looked in her eyes. ,,My apologies doctor, I didn't intend to frighten you. I promise I won't lose control like that again..."

But Linda only shook her head. ,,No Lucifer, it is totally normal, sometimes you just need to let it out.

Yes, I admit for a moment I was frightened. But you have every right to be angry.

I could never imagine to be as misunderstood as you are. I mean, if it already begins with your name, where does this all end?

Almost every interpretation of your being is a lie. And when you finally open up to someone, they only see the worst parts of you.

Sometimes I really don't know how you cope with all this.

You are older than time itself and had to live with these lies about you, without being given the chance to correct them since the beginning.

I, for Heavens sake am just a therapist! I'm really trying to help you with everything that's going on. For us, our little 'In the know squad', all of this is almost normal.

But sometimes even for us it's too much. For you and for me. We never asked for any of this, and still we are here, handling it as good as we can.

I know that you have a lot on your plate and I'm really, really sorry for adding more to it.

I hope you understand what I'm trying to say here. It's very difficult to keep up with everything that's happening around us, I mean, it's one thing to know heaven and hell exist. But it's entirely different to have all of that around you, standing in the middle of the battlefield. Trying to empathise with everyone, hearing out every side of the story and finding a solution.

And then there is the private life. Though that's connected to everything celestial anyway because of Charlie.

And now I even have contact to my daughter!

That's crazy, isn't it? So much has happened since the day we've met.

And just so you know, I would never change any of it. Yes, it is crazy, yes, you are a pain in the ass sometimes and yes often it is more than I am able to deal with.

But all this celestial shit has brought us closer together. Think about it.

And I am grateful for everything I have now. I am grateful to have Charlie in my life, to have Maze, Amenadiel and you.

Yes Lucifer, as I said you all can be annoying from time to time, but I would never wish for a different family.

I want you to know that, despite all our differences and disagreements, I care for you and I would never intentionally try to hurt you, physically or emotionally."

Now it was Lucifer's turn to be speechless.

He always knew that Linda struggled a lot and that she always did her best to remain reasonable and professional. The devil highly admired the doctor for that.

It couldn't be easy for a human to be in the know AND deal with everyone's shit in addition.

To hear all this from Linda herself was even more painful.

Yes, he had his own issues, probably bigger ones than anyone else. But Lucifer always cared deeply for his family and Linda was a part of it.

When she told him how she felt, the Lightbringer carefully listened to every word, so later he could try to make it better.

Many people still saw him as arrogant, selfish and narcissistic.

Just because he didn't always understand emotions, other's and his own, or didn't know how to properly react in certain situations. Or because it often seemed like he didn't care and didn't listen, just because he was fiddling with his hands or objects.

The truth was, he cared more than most people. Those behaviours just were his way to stay focused. He had different ways of trying to connect with people and to show his affection. Only one look into his eyes and you would notice how much he cared.

He hoped that Mazikeen would see that too one day. She was his first true friend and had become so much more than that. He didn't want to lose that bond.

Lucifer could feel how much Linda cared and he still, after all these years didn't know how someone could accept him and then listen to his, from his point of view meaningless problems (although it always seemed like he thought that his problems were more important to take care of than those of everyone else), when that person herself had to deal with that much on her own.

Linda deserved so much more, he thought. He had to figure something out for that.

,,Doctor...Linda, it is quite alright. Like you just said, sometimes you have to let it all out.

I apologise again for my reaction. I just associate that name with a lot of pain in my life, it is not who I am anymore.

But it doesn't matter now, for once I think we should concentrate on you, my dear.

Only so you know, I always am trying to help, even if it doesn't seem like it most of the time.

I am listening and I know that it must be incredibly difficult for you to deal with everything.

If there is any way I can provide help with anything, I'd be delighted to do it.

For the record, in case it isn't obvious by now. You are undeniably a part of this family to me and I know you would never intentionally hurt me or anyone else."

After that, they went quiet for a moment, absorbing every word that was just said.

They both knew this was a meaningful breakthrough in his therapy and more importantly in their relationship.

Hopefully that new found, even deeper trust wouldn't be broken that easily.

Lucifer and Linda had come a long way to this point and they would never exchange this confidential bond for anything.