Her Innocence

CHAPTER 27

"Everyone out!" Saxton yelled, his voice echoing around the room. The boys' expressions faded as they stood up and started leaving the room.

"Alex, I'll talk to you later," he said, his voice firm. Alex stopped in his tracks, his back stiff. "Yeah," he said nervously. Axel tapped his brother on the back. "I'll prepare your funeral."

When the boys left and Saxton and I were alone, I sat quietly on his lap. I'm still trying to process what I heard but my heart is already heavy. He's getting ready to leave. Why is it that everyone seems to be leaving me?

"Hey... Look at me," he says, moving his hand to my sides. Hindi ako lumingon sa kanya deretso sa baba ang tingin. Kailan niya sasabihin sakin ito kung hindi ko nalaman ngayon sa iba. He was prepared to leave without any thoughts. He'll just leave me with the guys and then disappear.

I was feeling lonely when Mama and Papa left this morning. And I'm lucky that he's there for me, since just being around him makes me happy. Pero hindi din pala iyon magtatagal dahil siya den ay aalis. 

"Baby, talk to me..." Hindi padin ako gumalaw pero ang luha ko ay hindi ko na napigilan hanggang sa tuluyan na akong napahikbi. I heard hear him sighed and grunted. He softly lifted my chin, revealing my messy tears, but I did not dare to look at him.

"A-Aalis k-ka? You'll leave m-me too," my voice broke as the tears continue to fall.  Hindi ako nito sinagot sa halip pinupunusan nito ang luha ko. I removed my gaze away from the wall and stared directly at his eyes.

"Iiwan mo ako," I said it again, but I was much more sure when he didn't respond and his face is void of any emotion. He pulled me close and buried my face in his neck, then stroked my hair. "I'll come back, baby," he softly muttered. 

Mas siniksik ko ang mukha ko sa leeg niya doon nagpatuloy ang pag-iyak ko. It doesn't matter that he will return, he will still leave. "Pero i-iiwan mo pa rin ako. Ayokong umalis ka. Can you just not go? Please can you not." 

He took a deep breath then his breathing became rough. "Ayah," matigas nitong sambit. "No," umiling ako at nagsimulang pumiglas sa hawak niya. "Aalis ka din. Umalis na sila Mama kanina tapos ikaw din. Hindi ba pwede hindi ka umalis o kaya sasama nalang ako." Umiiyak kong sabi habang siya ay pilit akong pinipirmi sa lugar. 

"Ayah!," He shouted and I froze. "This is so hard. I really don't want to leave, but I have to. I'll return, I promise. I'll work day and night only to get back home to you as soon as possible, so please don't make this hard for me and do not be stubborn." His voice raise and jaw tightened.

Parang binuhusan ng malamig na tubig ang katawan ko sa tinuran niya. Napaangat ang mukha ko mula sa leeg niya. I-I make this hard for him and I'm b-being stubborn right now? That went straight to my already heavy heart. 

I don't want him to leave because it is difficult for me also. If he will leave, I know I'll miss him everyday, and maybe he is right I'm being difficult and selfish for that stupid reason. But if convincing him to leave will not make things tough for him, then maybe I should stop acting like this.

Before speaking to him, I had to force myself to stop crying and put a smile on my face.  "I-I'm s-sorry for making this h-harder from you. I'll just w-wait patiently here for you.  Huwag mo akong alalahanin. I'll be fine here just don't overwork yourself. " I manage to smile but that slowly cracks when I burst out again. 

"AYAH!" Saxton shouted from my back.

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko nagawang kumalas sa kanya para tumakbo palabas sa headquarters. If I stayed there, I might plead to him not to leave. Baka gawin ko ang lahat basta hindi lang siya umalis but maybe he was right I need to quit making things difficult or complicated them, even if they are difficult. I'll just do what they want me to do and that is to wait for them.