Capturing Mine

Chapter 39: Photoshoot

He is playing with me, surely, he is. If he isn't, what? Ano ba talaga ang gusto niya sa akin? Hindi niya ba ako kayang diretsahin? Ayaw ko ng ganito, ayaw kong maramdaman na mahal niya ako pero ang totoo ay pinaglalaruan niya lang ang nararamdaman ko. Maybe not, but again, what? Because he is lusting over me? Because he cannot have my cousin and out of choices, just me, instead? Oh, I wish that it would be just me! But that was before, when I am still so drawn into him. Now, everything had changed and what happened between the two of us should have not had ever happened.

“Beb,” he muttered after he broke the kiss as we both catches our breath.

He then rests his forehead against mine and when I opened my eyes to gaze over him, his eyes were closed. We are still on that situation where he is pinning me on the door with his left hand and with his right that's holding my waist.

“Bati na tayo,” like a little boy, he demanded and I pushed him.

“Really, Jac? That's your way to get me?” inis na tanong ko rito.

I cannot believe that he will do that. We are not fucking lovers! We are not some couple or even on flirting stage. Sino siya para halik-halikan ako at gawin ang gusto sa oras na gustuhin niya mismo? We are just friends! I cannot consider him as my best friend anymore, he doesn't even tell me his side story. Mas may alam pa sila kaysa sa akin. We are all best of friends, but that does not make it right. Do you get me? Kami itong sobrang dikit pero ako itong walang kamalay-malay? Ang sakit lang, huh? Ano ba talaga ako sa kaniya? Kaibigan na pagsisikretuhan? Kaibigan na pagnanasaan? Ugh, hindi bale na lang.

“Beb, naman,” he replied patiently. “I am truthfully sorry for everything. Let me please make it up to you,” sabi pa nito at saka muling naglakad palapit sa akin.

I tried stepping back and I felt foolish because I forgot that what's behind me is a closed door. Now, he is all over me again, pulling me, hugging me so, so close.

“Jac, ano ba?!” I irritatingly asked, pushing him again using my hands that is in between of our chests. “Hindi ka na nakatutuwa, alam mo ba 'yon?”

“I am not kidding, beb, I am serious. Let's get official—”

“Jac!” I called him, warning. “It is not funny,” firmly, I said.

“I said, I am serious and I want to be with you. I will talk to Tito Daniel and Tita—”

“No, stop! Do not even go there! I do not fucking want to talk about it.”

“No, I won't stop,” he fought back the pitch, having those eyes of him sharp and dark. “We will be together whether you like it or not!”

Nagulat ako sa pagsigaw niya kaya hindi ako nakasagot. I just stared at him, wanting to run away but can't. Then, he sighs, closing his eyes. Seconds after, he again looked at me, but this time, gently. He touches my cheek before kissing my forehead. Napapikit naman ako sa ginawa niya at pilit na pinipigilan ang luhang nagbabadyang lumabas mula sa mga mata ko. Hindi ko na kasi talaga alam ang gagawin ko, magkaibigan kami pero parang hindi na. Hindi ko na siya mabasa, hindi ko na siya maintindihan. Parang hindi ko na talaga siya kilala.

“Let me make things right, beb,” he softly whispered before kissing my left cheek. “Hayaan mo akong panindigan ang mga ginawa ko sa'yo; panindigan ka.”

“Jac, y–you don't have to,” shakily, I said.

“But I want to, so, hayaan mo ako. Can you?”

Hindi ako sumagot, sinuklian ko lang ang mga titig niya. Pilit na binabasa, pilit na iniintindi kung ano ba talaga ang ipinahahayag niya. Maraming katanungang namumuo sa aking isipan, ngunit kahit na isa, hindi ko maitanong-tanong sa kaniya.