Capturing Mine

Chapter 36: Trial & Error

Umalis ang bakla kong kaibigan at hindi ko alam kung saan siya pumunta. Wala rin naman akong balak na alamin dahil wala akong pakialam. It's a good thing for me that he's out for a while kasi sigurado akong kahit na sa sandali man lang na oras, makakikilos ako nang walang bumubuntot-buntot sa akin. Sa totoo lang, kinakabahan ako sa tuwing maririnig ko ang boses niya o maramdaman man lang ang presensya niya. Kahit na sandaling oras pa lang ang lumipas simula nang magising ako at kulitin niya ako, pakiramdam ko, ang tagal-tagal na. He's... different, he became way too different. I can't stop overthinking too about what Chezca had told me yesterday when we're at the pool area. Ayaw ko namang maniwala sa sinabi niya, I actually take it as a joke, na pinatatawa lang niya ako or whatever, pero kasi.... Oh, tell me, would you ever believe that Jacob turned gay because of a heartbreak from a woman? Damn! I don't know about that. It's a cliché, a very common gay story. Seriously, Jacob turned gay just because of that? Oh, please, don't make me laugh. Jac turned gay 'cause he realized that he actually is and has a feminine heart. I won't buy a very fictional or any novel-like story, this is effing reality! Hindi ako naniniwala na may isang lalaking magpapakabakla nang dahil sa pang-iiwan ng isang babae. Kung magiging playboy siya, baka mas kapani-paniwala pa, pero para sabihing naging bakla siya? Damn, what the hell was that? What was he doing in his life?

I shook my head before getting up from the couch. Thinking about that doesn't do anything better so I must stop. Wala akong pakialam kung lalaki man siya o bakla nga talaga — If what Chezca had told me was real, I can assure you, Jacob is just acting, he's a liar, a great pretender, and I'll definitely hate him.

“Seriously?” I mumbled to myself.

I kind of hate him already, as I am starting to doubt Franchezca's story. Kung totoong naging bakla siya after that effing heartbreak, bakit niya sinabing college pa lang ay mahal na niya si Martina? What an ass! Hindi siya naging bakla kung umpisa pa lang ay nagustuhan niya na ang pinsan ko. Nagpapanggap nga lang siguro talaga siya — Fuck, naiinis ako sa kaniya! I hate him. Ayaw ko na, hindi ko na iisipin ang bagay na iyon. Bahala siya sa buhay niya, matanda na siya.

“Saan ka pupunta?” Cara asked as I was about to leave her side.

“Ah, I'll just check on Cookie again,” I said before turning my back.

Gusto kong pagtaguan si Jac, ayaw kong makita ang mukha niya, pero imposible lalo na't matutulog kami sa iisang kama.

“Shit!” Napaupo ako nang para bang tumatae habang nakapikit nang mariin at nakahawak sa ulo ko.

Makipagpalit kaya ako ng kuwarto kina Cara or Chezca? Hindi ko puwedeng makasama si Jacob, natatakot ako sa maaaring mangyari. Ang kulit-kulit niya, hindi ko kayang i-handle ang persistency na ipinakikita niya.

“Ohhh!” I groaned out of embarrassment.

We really did it! Seriously, I did that with Jacob? Fuck, fuck, what... how did it happened? Ano ba 'to, late reaction? Bakit ngayon ko lang naiisip ang mga mali sa pinaggagawa ko? Namin! Bakit kasi — Alam niyang lasing ako!!! Fuck! Hindi na kami puwedeng magtabi sa kama. I'll ask either of Cara and Chezca to exchange — Bakit ako ang mag-a-adjust? Kuwarto ko 'yon ah! Okay, fine, hindi na. I'm sure, what happened was just a drunken mistake, hindi na mauulit iyon. I'll make sure of that, it won't happen again. It would not.

I open my eyes after feeling a tongue licked my face. I see Cookie looking so excited at me. I smile before I touch and pet him. He's so fluffy as always, and fat too. Ate Pam really did well of raising my baby. Wait, Cookie is being leashed in his house, right? Paanong....

“What are you doing there?” natatawang tanong nito habang nakatingin sa akin nang lingunin ko ang lugar kung nasaan siya.

Ang kaninang ngiti ko mula noong lapitan ako ni Cookie ay nawala nang dahil sa nakita ko na naman siya. Saan ba siya galing? Well, I do not care about that, all I care is he should have been gone more longer than he was. Wala pa yatang thirty minutes simula noong umalis siya, nandito na agad siya? He's smiling again, so bright that I want to erase it with my fist. Tsk! Iniwas ko na lang ang tingin ko at binuhat si Cookie pabalik sa doghouse. I snatch the leash off his hand and put it back to my baby. I pet him once again before leaving the place. He is making me feel uncomfortable, so cringey.