I'm ALWAYS here

Chapter 18

Two weeks passed. I was in two sessions with Neal and I was getting better. Therapy helped me a lot. The whole two weeks I hadn’t eaten. I tried to hide it from Rick, but I knew that he knows that I don’t eat. At first he forced me to eat, and then he begged me to eat, but I couldn’t. If I wanted to let him touch me, I couldn’t eat. I stopped eating because I couldn’t bear the pain of that experience with Josh. I still blamed that he raped me. Maybe I should have been differently and do other things. Neal had told me that it was not true and it isn’t my fault, but I was still not sure. Relationship with Rick developed well and Alexis like me from day to day more. I started to be tired, because my body was starving. I tried to ignore it, but I started to fall asleep during the day. Several times I fell asleep at the precinct and at home. Rick noticed this, but didn’t tell me anything.

I drove home from the precinct. I had a challenging day full of stress.  I had a few cups of coffee and water so I wouldn’t be tired or hungry. I gave me hands off of the wheel and my head fell on my shoulder. I woke up after a few seconds. I drove me against the truck. I didn’t manage to escape. The last thing I remember was light and almost immediately a strong impact.

I woke up in the hospital. I was on the devices. I was tired that I could barely keep my eyes open. The whole body hurt me. I gathered all my strength and twisted my head. Rick was sitting in chair and he was sleeping. He had swollen and red eyes from crying. I moved my hand his way and I smiled as much as I could.

"Castle," I whispered. It surprised me how weak voice I had. Rick woke up, grabbed my hand and kissed it on the back. He stroked my hair and face.

"Kate," he whispered, his eyes were full of tears," I was so worried about you. You had a car accident," he said and started crying completely. I grabbed his hand and he squeezed it. We looked in each other’s eyes. I've tried to keep my eyes open, but I was too tired. Rick kissed me lightly on the lips.

"Sleep, beauty," he whispered.

"How am I?" I asked in a whisper.

"You were bleeding in the stomach and you've got a lot of bruises and about 5 strongly impingement ribs. Doctors were afraid of losing you. You've lost a lot of blood. Katherine, I was so worried about you. You cannot even imagine it. Fortunately, the doctor said you'll be fine. Because you don’t eat, you had the accident. You have to eat, otherwise I'll have to shut you in a psychiatric hospital," he said.

"No! Please! I don’t want to!" I exclaimed with tears.

"Calm down. If you start eating, you are not going anywhere. Now sleep," he said kissing me on the back of my hand. I gently nodded and closed my eyes. For a moment I felt Rick's hand on my head, but after about 10 minutes I tuned out and I fell asleep.