HER WAY

Dont Run Pt.3

Dear Journal,

It's been a while since I've written in here, I know. At times I find myself wanting to play hooky from real life. Last week Jordan fucked me harder and better than he ever had before. I think he knows more about Jahari and I's relationship than he's let on. But THIS is what a man does. He doesn't get upset and disappointed. He gets busy trying to give you what you want. Jordan was a sweetheart. He would never even dream of treating me they say that Jahari had. Emotionally and physically, he couldn't. So how come I can't stop thinking of Jahari? He always managed to reel himself back in my life. "I'll see you when I see you." We would say. And now he's seen me. Utterly embarrassed and exposed. I have to move on and marry the good guy. The nice guy. Jahari is having a baby. Am I an awful person for being envious of who he impregnated? We didn't get to have our baby. And after everything we went through he just left. He left me. Just like my dad. I placed him inside a teeny-tiny box. After the break up I made him small, worthless, and irrelevant after the breakup in order for him to fit into this small box. As a result, I was able to get out of bed in the morning without seeing him. His presence is now constantly weighing on my consciousness. There's no one to turn to but this Journal and God. I used to pray to him whenever he'd just stare at me- begging God for the strength to resist what I was seeing. What I was feeling. I should have just left him alone. This has gone on way farther than it should have. I have a good life now. But he's worn me on his body... on his skin. He knows every single detail. Oh, I hate him. Still. I want my happily ever after. Is that so hard to ask? I have to tell Jordan I cheated on him or this guilt will haunt me forever.

After the shower sex, Jordan was all over Remi. He treated her like a princess. After they were done having sex for the 6th time this week, he kissed her shoulder and said, "Let's go out."

"Where to?" She asked.

"Just dress very...very nice."

Remi chuckled and proceeded to get ready in the bathroom. She wore her hair in a high ponytail and applied mascara on her lashes. She dressed in a gold figure-hugging dress. She wore heels with straps that cinched her legs.

When Jordan entered the room, she grabbed a clear small bag. He stopped and admired her beauty. She turned to face him and said, "How do I look?"

With a finger, he raised her chin and planted a kiss, "Beautiful."

Jordan drove them to a nightclub in town, Remi eagerly exited the car to go inside.

"Jordan, how can we even come in here?!" She asked.

"I've got a friend." He smiled and held the door open for her. The neon lights burned her eyes and the music pounded through their ears. Everyone was dancing, drinking, or talking. Some people were kissing and being all couple-like.

There was a booth where they could sit. As they made their way to the booth Remi saw Jahari on the other side of the dance floor conversing with a girl she didn't recognize. She sat Jordan down, making sure he didn't see Jahari.

"I'm going to get some drinks and dance." Remi smiled.

"Okay baby. I'll come dance with you after I cool off in here."

Remi nodded and walked over to the bar. They didn't even ask her for id. It was as if the people who works there knew her personally. She took multiple shots of tequila before she went on the dance floor. The way her body moved was exotic and captivating. Suddenly, she felt a body press behind her.

"Jordan?!," she exclaimed to turn around to see it was Jahari. Her smile quickly went away and she stormed away to the nearest corner. Jahari followed her, of course.