Remi hadn't heard anything from Jahari since last week. His room was completely empty and no one had seen him. He'd disappeared, he was gone. 19 days. She wanted to see him and touch him. They weren't finished yet. She didn't even get to say goodbye. She'd called but he didn't answer and her messages weren't going through.
Dear Journal,
It's me, again. I tried to quit writing in this journal because the thoughts and feelings I'm having shouldn't be taking over my life the way they are. Jahari walked away. I'm not sure if he'll return. I wish I could say I'm relieved, but I'm not. Love can be divided into two categories. The first is uncomplicated and easily understood. The sweet sentiments and good morning messages that make you feel warm, secure, and content. A love that doesn't leave you guessing, anticipating, or worrying what will happen next. The second is more engrossing, impassioned, and unsettling.
Famous novelists and poets have written about this type of love. Emily Dickinson, Jane Austen, and Emily Bronte. Love is supposed to be painless, but it isn't. It shouldn't be so difficult to fall in love, yet it is. Jahari telling me he loves me once equates to Jordan telling me he loves me a hundred times. And I understand how terrible and unjust that is. For a long time, I believed Jahari didn't care about me. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they have.
He's getting under my skin. He throws me off balance and makes me doubt everything I've ever believed about love. He, on the other hand, makes me feel hasty and unrestrained. I'm compelled by him miraculously. You begin to die gradually if you resist experiencing passion and volatile emotions, which cause your eyes to gleam and your heart to race. If I do not risk, I will die slowly. Too late, bitch. He's gone. And theres one big fucking problem.
Remi sat on her bed, with her legs crossed. Jordan stood in a corner and waited for her to say something. She'd called him saying she had news and that it was urgent.
"Remi? Are you going to say anything?" He walked in front of her, seeing she was staring at the wall.
She gulped, "I'm late."
"Late?"
"Yeah, I'm late. On my period, incase that wasn't clear."
His eyes filled with glee, "So...are you-"
"I'm pregnant." A minute went by and then another. No one moved. Jordan wondered if she was joking or not. He could never tell what she was thinking. He went to sit next to her on the bed and asked, "Really?", he smiled from ear to ear. She left him with no response. There were no indications that she even heard him, just empty space.
"Yeah," she murmured under her breath. Jordan cheered and gave her a hug as her body language remained slouched and emotionless. He noticed her lack of joy and suddenly, he realized that she didn't want this.
"You want to keep it?", she breathed.
"W-why wouldn't we keep it? We're about to be married."
"For one, I'm 18 years old. Secondly, I'm still in college. How do you expect me to raise a baby in school?"
"Why aren't you happy about this?"
"Why ARE you happy about this?"
"Well, you're not gonna abort my kid, if that's what you're trying to do here."
Remi shrugged, "Okay, but I'm not gonna keep it. I don't know what I'm gonna do."
"Why don't we just sleep on it?"
"I know that you've dreamed of a family and a son. I know that you have everything planned. But I don't want this, not yet and not now."
"But...why? I mean, aren't you happy?" He asked.
"Why don't we talk about the fact that you're only marrying me to control me and keep me in your orbit?"
"Oh, this again," he complained.
"Yes, this again! You just didn't want me to go back to him. You don't trust me."
"Well, I had good reason not to. Didn't I?"
"Yes, I cheated on you. If you would've fucked me properly, I wouldn't of had to."
Jordan's face balled up, "It was just sex, huh?"
"Mhm," she nodded as she pursed her lips.
"Nothing else?"
"Nothing else...I promise."
"...the baby is mine, right?"
Remi scoffed, "Of Course it is."
"What makes you so sure?"
"I'm late on period 3 weeks. Not 3 months."
"I just noticed that you don't wear your ring," Remi examined her hands and responded, "I'll wear it after we're actually married."
"I get it." He said.
"Jordan, I love you. Okay?"
"Okay."
YOU ARE READING
HER WAY
Teen FictionRemi sensed a set of eyes on her. It was the first time she met Jahari, in her Sophomore year of high school. She falls for him, commits herself to him, and is sooner or later deceived by him. It is never "just about sex". They reunite years later a...
